How many health problems do you have?

[Lemur]

I am terribly unhealthy. I will die soon.

Your post bears an uncanny resemblance to the first few pages of Three Men in a Boat, to Say Nothing of the Dog. This is the bit I mean:

It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form. The diagnosis seems in every case to correspond exactly with all the sensations that I have ever felt.

I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a touch—hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into—some fearful, devastating scourge, I know—and, before I had glanced half down the list of "premonitory symptoms," it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.

I sat for awhile, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages. I came to typhoid fever—read the symptoms—discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without knowing it—wondered what else I had got; turned up St. Vitus's Dance—found, as I expected, that I had that too,—began to get interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically—read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another fortnight. Bright's disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's knee.

I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight. Why hadn't I got housemaid's knee? Why this invidious reservation? After a while, however, less grasping feelings prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady in the pharmacology, and I grew less selfish, and determined to do without housemaid's knee. Gout, in its most malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being aware of it; and zymosis I had evidently been suffering with from boyhood. There were no more diseases after zymosis, so I concluded there was nothing else the matter with me.

I sat and pondered. I thought what an interesting case I must be from a medical point of view, what an acquisition I should be to a class! Students would have no need to "walk the hospitals," if they had me. I was a hospital in myself. All they need do would be to walk round me, and, after that, take their diploma.

[A Nerd]

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That or a vacation from reality. Judging from all your health problems, being insane seems kind of a blessing.

[Hooahguy]

i am, as Azathoth, moderately lactose intolerant, and i get allergies.
i am overweight, but its kinda hard to tell.
other than that im fine!

[Rhyfelwyr]

On Azathoth's point about sleeping, I find I never feel sleepy at all when I'm up early, but if I lie in then I'm only semi-conscious all day. Maybe sleeping less would actually help?

[A Nerd]

Maybe sleeping less would actually help?

I've heard that to be true. Sleeping too much will make you lethargic.

[Azathoth]

Your post bears an uncanny resemblance to the first few pages of Three Men in a Boat, to Say Nothing of the Dog. This is the bit I mean:

It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form. The diagnosis seems in every case to correspond exactly with all the sensations that I have ever felt.

I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a touch—hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into—some fearful, devastating scourge, I know—and, before I had glanced half down the list of "premonitory symptoms," it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.

I sat for awhile, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages. I came to typhoid fever—read the symptoms—discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without knowing it—wondered what else I had got; turned up St. Vitus's Dance—found, as I expected, that I had that too,—began to get interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically—read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another fortnight. Bright's disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's knee.

I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight. Why hadn't I got housemaid's knee? Why this invidious reservation? After a while, however, less grasping feelings prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady in the pharmacology, and I grew less selfish, and determined to do without housemaid's knee. Gout, in its most malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being aware of it; and zymosis I had evidently been suffering with from boyhood. There were no more diseases after zymosis, so I concluded there was nothing else the matter with me.

I sat and pondered. I thought what an interesting case I must be from a medical point of view, what an acquisition I should be to a class! Students would have no need to "walk the hospitals," if they had me. I was a hospital in myself. All they need do would be to walk round me, and, after that, take their diploma.

Implying implications. Your lack of sensitivity towards my affliction offends me.

i am, as Azathoth, moderately lactose intolerant, and i get allergies.
i am overweight, but its kinda hard to tell.
other than that im fine!

It's because we're Jews.

I've heard that to be true. Sleeping too much will make you lethargic.

I already tend to avoid sleeping in my bed or other comfortable locations, as it is not uncommon for me to remain asleep for upwards of 15 hours without external stimuli (even when well-rested). I can't imagine how many hundreds or thousands of hours I've wasted so far.

[A Nerd]

I can't imagine how many hundreds or thousands of hours I've wasted so far

It's not time wasted, it's time well spent. Sleep is like death. Dreaming becoming the reality that was once life. Vivid hallucinations that involve all of the 5 senses, allowing interaction much like that of the waking hours. Interpretations and the full extent of such hallucinations are quite different in life and death. Sleep being the unknown eternity, if of course, you never wake up.