Five Kings- Britannia Hotseat

[Askthepizzaguy]

Askthepizzaguy presents




FIVE KINGS

A Kingdoms Britannia Hotseat

Starring:

1. Askthepizzaguy (GM and player)
2. TheFlax (player)
3. YLC (player)
4. Chaotix (player)
5. johnhughthom (player)

England- Askthepizzaguy
Scotland- johnhughthom
Ireland- Chaotix
Wales- TheFlax
Norway- YLC

___________________________________________

HOUSE RULES: READ AND UNDERSTAND THEM PLEASE.

-The usual no console/no cheating rules apply.
-Spies cannot be used to force open settlements during seiges
-Each turn should be completed within 5 days. Extensions can be granted in extenuating circumstances, at the discretion of the GM. After 5 days with no contact from a player the GM will arrange for the turn to be subbed either by a sub designated by the player, or a neutral third-party sub, or a faction allied to that player, or by the GM in that order of preference.
- All battles, including those between player-controlled factions, may be fought by the attacking player (against the VH AI), or auto-resolved.
- Please send a private message to the next player in line to alert them that it is their turn.
- Players are requested to compete in good faith and with a sporting spirit at all times.
- No exploits. The following exploits are banned. This list is not exhaustive, and in considering a course of action the player concerned should have regard for the rule regarding sportsmanlike conduct. If there is any doubt about exactly what actions these exploits involve, or whether a given action which is not specifically banned would constitute an exploit, please seek guidance from the GM or other players before completing the relevant turn.
*** Re-loading of save game to play the turn again in a different way, or to create a different outcome.
*** Merchant fort exploit.
*** Surround and destroy exploit (relating to agents, also to armies or ships engaged in battle. An escape route of at least one tile must be left.)
*** Deliberately setting up tribute deals which will result in a faction going more than 20k in debt.
*** Deliberately exchanging territories for the sole purpose of gaining a free garrison.
*** Deliberate manipulation of the diplomacy system in order to break a siege, or achieve any other unrealistic in-game outcome.


Please remain in-character here, if you have something OOC to say, please place it in spoilers.

You may post just the link which contains the save turn file, but remember to send a PM to the next player indicating that it is his turn.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Please confirm your faction now.

I've chosen England. TheFlax was interested in Wales, YLC was interested in Norway or Ireland, Chaotix was interested in Ireland, and John was interested in Scotland. However, you may decide to choose a different faction now.

Please send me your password so I can either skip your turn, sub your turn, or replace you if you need to drop out.

[Chaotix]

I've PM'd YLC.

Basically, I'm fine with either Ireland or Norway, so I'm going let him choose which one of the two he wants.

[johnhughthom]

I'm happy enough with Scotland, though being Irish I'd have thought.....

Seriously though, most of my ancestors of this time were probably Scottish and Scotland is the only campaign I ever played more than a few turns with in M2TW so it's ideal for me.

Just to remind you I'm off on holiday on Saturday probably with no internet access, and definitly with no comp I could play this on. I doubt I'll be able to do my first turn, could somebody put my armies into cities or forts and build churches, roads or farms (in that order), I even trust you "King Atpg the English dog" to do so. Oh, and please don't attack me while I'm away...

[Askthepizzaguy]

I will never declare war on someone while they are away.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Save file for Ireland:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/5d3gpx
5K-Ireland-01.sav

Format for naming the file should be 5K-(your faction name)-(Turn number).sav. but I'm not a total stickler. Sendspace is fine for uploading it.

Send me your password at the end of your turn, and then send the save file to the next player in line.

[Chaotix]

Ok, YLC has told me he definitely wants Norway, meaning I am Ireland.

Unfortunately, it's a little late for me to start this turn now- so if it's ok with you, ATPG, I will do this tomorrow.

Also, random question- why is Ireland first instead of England?

[ULC]

I am indeed, The Norse.

[Askthepizzaguy]

@ Chaotix

OOC:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Already played my English turn, my good Irish lad. You weren't first.

Also, before we gear up for war I'd like to resolve the Irish-English conflict peacefully. If we can do so, allow my diplomat to meet with you privately to hear our offer for a peaceful withdrawl from Ireland. Same for Wales. England isn't interested in war anymore. I will do an IC post soon.

All posts should be IC from now on unless they are spoiled and OOC.

[Chaotix]

@ATPG:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

That makes more sense.

I've changed my mind and I'm probably going to do my turn now.

ATPG, I will await your offer and will not hinder your diplomat, but I'm still going to position my troops in case I don't like what you've got to say. I will not attack you until I hear you out, though.

Also, if we're going to get a diplomacy thread, it should be set on the central Isle of Man.

[Chaotix]

The Right-Honourable King of Wales may take his turn. May he be blessed by God and kill a ton of Englishmen.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The emissary of the King of England would meet with the King of Wales to discuss peace and withdrawl from Welsh territory, if your lord is willing.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Cheshire, England


A man before the assembled diplomats and asks for silence.

I am a representative of King William of England, sent here to discuss a potential end to hostilities in these islands. It seems my lord has taken ill and has no stomach for conquest, and no dreams of uniting all of these lands under the English banner. What the king has proposed, after meeting with his priest, is that English forces withdraw from all the native territories of Ireland, Scotland, and Wales, and return to England in peace.

In exchange for releasing these lands from his noble grasp and granting them independence (allegiance to their native nations) and a total withdrawal of all troops, the King has asked for monetary compensation, that he might feed his soldiers and continue to pay for them until they have all peacefully withdrawn to England, where they can fortify his border provinces and ensure the safety of the realm. A private offer of peace was rejected by the Irish, and so the English king is doubly concerned with ensuring peace and prosperity between the Welsh, Scottish, and English people, at least until a more equitable deal can be reached and peace can exist everywhere.

You are all honored guests; yes, including the Irish. We will consider your offer and see if we cannot reach a middle ground.

In the meantime, there is food and drink to be had by all, and you will be provided with the finest rooms that we have to offer in this city.


The man sits down and opens the floor up for public talks, while another man retires to private chambers.

[Chaotix]

A man in green clothing, clearly Irish, stands to speak.

"Me friends, d'you hear what this blabbering loon be saying?

He wants us to pay him so that he can move his armies outside our lands, where they shouldn't have been in the first place. That sounds distinctly like some sort of ransom to me. Who goes around marchin' his armies into other people's countries and then demands gold in order to leave? A bloody warmongering tyrant, that's who! Do you know what he's going to use that money for? He'll build himself an even bigger army so that, when he decides to conquer us, he can do a more complete job instead of leaving us alive.

We don't owe him nothing! I say we make him leave our lands, free of charge. Really, he should be paying us, but as I am a fair man, I won't try to force that on the English; the pansies might wet their trousers at the thought of it.

But listen to me here: what is this English King going to do if all three of us- Ireland, Scotland, Wales- tell him to piss off and to get out of our lands? Do you really think he can fight all three of us at once? I think the only choice he'd be given is to agree. And it's only fair, 'cause he started these wars in the first place. So, I pose this question to the two of you.

Why should we accept his offer and pay him for our own rightful lands when we can take them back for nothing, and achieve the same result?"

The Irishman sits, awaiting a response.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The English diplomat, clearly distressed, replies in disagreement with the Irish diplomat.

The honorable man from Ireland is correct on some points.

The English King is not interested in a retreat for the sake of retreat. He doesn't wish for continued war but an equitable peace.

The English control half of Ireland, with the better castles and cities already under his control. He's also not an inept leader, so public order and money isn't really a problem for him. As it stands right now, none of these places are even close to revolting, and the garrisons are getting huge. The Irish living there experience such low taxes and live under such clean, safe conditions, that they have readily accepted English rule.

What the Irish king proposes is to make war upon his own people; while the garrisons are English, many of the new recruits are Irish and will fight for England as well. It would be very simple for the English King to keep his forces in Ireland for a very long time. Instead, he's offered to turn over all of Irish territory back to the presumptive leader of a united Ireland, in exchange for slightly more money in taxes than the provinces in question provide. How much more?

Interesting you should ask. The emissary left that part open-ended.... there was no certainly no ransom demand, no gold amount demanded, beyond breaking even. What was asked was for the Irish treasurer to look at their finances and see if they could afford to make the offer even sweeter for England. Instead of any attempts to haggle, our offer was summarily dismissed without a reasonable counter offer. What the Irish leader asks for is that we pack up our bags and go home in defeat.... but we have not been defeated. We ask for an honorable retreat. The peace he seeks is the total surrender of England (and to be fair, half of Ireland), to bow to King Brian without any concessions whatsoever. We have slightly more pride than that, even though we are sick of war. What England is asking for is some reasonable concession in exchange for an equally reasonable concession. Ireland wishes to unite and be whole, England wishes not to go bankrupt in the process or send our boys home without their shirts (ooc: total disbanding of our forces).

As it presently stands, England and Scotland are at peace, Irish delegate.
England and Wales should have a peace quite easily, as we are prepared to turn over control of the Welsh city with minimal fuss and retreat easily from the Welsh border back to England. This is such a small concession that I think nothing of it.

Rather, Ireland, you stand nearly conquered, and I am offering you your entire lands back in exchange for little more than what the provinces themselves make, for a short duration. If that is not good enough for you, then I am afraid you're not reasonable enough to exchange words with.



England makes peace but is prepared for war.

[Askthepizzaguy]

OOC announcement:

Please adjust your settings that the game has "Large" unit size. Otherwise it seems we are having a wee error wherein some people have large unit size and others apparently do not, which is obviously strange.

[johnhughthom]

OOC announcement:

Please adjust your settings that the game has "Large" unit size. Otherwise it seems we are having a wee error wherein some people have large unit size and others apparently do not, which is obviously strange.

OOC You're the English Pizza, wee is an Scot/Irish word so hands off!

[Chaotix]

If your people were honourable, they would not have invaded Ireland and Wales in the first place.

Your reputation, rather, is closer to that of a mud-covered bully in a playground. You perceive yourself the biggest and the strongest, so you go around demanding coin from all the other young laddies in exchange for not beating the snot out of them.

What you have failed to see is that, if the wee lads band together, they can take down even the biggest bully. But as much as I'd like to stick my sword through your lily-livers, that's not the honourable way to go about it either. We don't want to beat you; we just want you to leave. Completely. And without demanding our pots o' gold.

If you did that, every Irishman would dance a joyous jig. Because that is the honourable, manly thing to do. We Irish might even begin to regard you as less pansy-like.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The english diplomat almost smiled at what the Irishman had to say, but then his expression turned to sadness.

Such fighting spirit, young Irish. One thing the English have admired about the Irish for quite some time is your fighting spirit. It is a shame that bravery and a willingness to fight does not always lead to triumph, or England would have conquered all of France by now. Instead that same bravery and courage has put thousands of men in their early graves, leaving many children without their fathers.

I urge you to reconsider.

[TheFlax]

It is up to the Scottish King now.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Subbed for JHT, as per his instructions.

Norway is up.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ot1s3z

[ULC]

The save for England is up

[Askthepizzaguy]

Ireland is up.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/rnqj6t

Diplomatic offers of peace extended to everyone, basically.

[Chaotix]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I'll play this later today or tomorrow morning. Busy atm.

[Chaotix]

The city of Derry is once more in its rightful hands! May the English be slain until they see sense!

It is now time for Wales to take up the mantle and free their own people from tyranny!

[johnhughthom]

News slowly reached the other four Kings that young Alexander of Scotland had recovered from his illness. He was in the process of reading up on the diplomatic offers made during his period of infirmity, rest assured however, when Scotlands turn to take centre stage came he would be ready.

[Chaotix]

Re-uploaded save for Wales. Still can't fathom why the first one doesn't work for some people.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/mar6yz

[TheFlax]

(OOC: Scotland)

[johnhughthom]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I'm not sure I did everything correctly. I loaded up the save, did my thing, ended the turn then quicksaved and sent YLC the link. I've never really played anything like this before and wanted to check I was playing properly.

also post the save file link here.

http://www.filefront.com/16567469/Quicksave.rar/

[Askthepizzaguy]

also post the save file link here.