I'm pissed off.

I share a large office with three other people, a kind of mini cubicle-farm. Our cleaning and janitorial services are provided through Goodwill, and most (I believe) of the cleaners are from halfway homes for one reason or another.

This afternoon, I was listening to a podcast while sorting through a large case. A new cleaning lady that I had never seen before showed up and asked if I wanted my cubicle cleaned. I said yes, detached my headphones and put them on my desk, stuffed my iphone into my pocket, and went to talk to a friend in a different office while the cleaning was being done. When I came back, the desk had been cleaned and the headphones were gone. I searched the entire office from top to bottom, twice, but they weren't there. I found the cleaning lady and asked her if she had seen them when she was cleaning, or perhaps moved them. She denied having any knowledge of them.

I very strongly believe that the cleaning lady stole my headphones. There is no other explanation for their disappearance. At the same time, I am very frustrated because I feel like reporting this is the wrong thing to do. I feel like I'm living a cliche. The headphones were just the stock white ones that come with an iphone; they cost $30 from Apple. On a material level, the headphones mean nothing to me. I'm a highly-paid white male attorney... I'm pretty much the living embodiment of 'privilege' in our society. In contrast, the cleaning lady is clearly an impoverished minority with little education.

I've thought about what would happen if I reported this. I'm not likely to get my headphones back no matter what; if she did steal them, she won't ever admit to it. So, this is really just a decision of whether or not to report her and possibly get her fired from her job (three weeks before Christmas). Even though I feel very strongly that she did indeed steal my headphones, there's always a possibility that there's some innocent explanation for their disappearance. Maybe they got knocked off my desk into some random crevice where I just can't find them, or something like that. I give that option a 5% chance of being true. However, if I report this, that's a 5% chance that she's going to get fired for the accidental loss of a $30 set of headphones, right before Christmas. At the same time, even if she did steal them, it's just $30 out of my pocket and she could lose her job. I feel like I would be a something of a monster to pursue action against her given the extreme disparity in the respective importance of the event.

So, I've decided not going to report her. However, and this is the point of my post, I feel angry at this situation. Somehow, it seems to me that this woman stole from me, and yet I've ended up feeling guilty about it. How did that happen? Why did it happen? Is this some kind of personal guilt-complex about our disparate socio/economic backgrounds? Am I wrong to feel this way, or is this natural? Am I helping society as a whole by not causing major problems for this woman, or am I hurting it by letting a thief go unpunished?

(Posting this in the Backroom, as I believe this topic essentially boils down to some potentially controversial economic and social issues.)

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Stealing someone elses property is morally wrong, so you shouldn't feel upset about that.

I think you feel bad because society at large tells you to feel bad for those less fortunate, which isn't necesarilly a bad thing as most of us are few unfortunate circumstances away from a postion not unlike hers. Not to mention a lack of fiscal means has no correlation with the moral goodness of a person (as I'm sure you know but is oft forgotten)

In your position I probably wouldn't have reported her either, but I certianly wouldn't feel bad or guilty about it. I would also watch her like a hawk and nail her if this becomes a repeating pattern

Humilty is a wonderful viture to have, knowing that you are not an all powerful being over others is something this country could use more of but this does not mean she can go around all handsy. If she's willing to steal 1 30$ pair of headphones she is probably willing to steal something else and soon.

Fool me once.....

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And when you catch her, use that to take advantage of her. Must be a looker is she's worthy of a hawk-stare, eh?

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At the risk of getting another warning: you're an idiot.

If you report them missing they can look for them. It's not accusing anyone, but pointing out the temporal relationship when they disappeared.

But if you'd rather apologise for existing, then why not leave your watch / ipod / laptop around next time they're cleaning? You'd be breaking the cycle of crime and poverty by ensuring that crime pays...



I didn't issue a warning as per TC's request. You could have skipped the shot though.

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It was a pair of headphones

Crime certainly doesn't pay in this scenario, crime probably won't even play music in another 3 months

Sure he could report them lost but then he has to deal with "Bro they were headphones" from all his coleagues (whom I'm sure would assume TC is either the cheapest man alive or has an ulterior motive at that point)

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Hopefully no warning is forthcoming, as this pretty much states in simple terms, half of my conflict. My anger about this is because I feel like I'm being taken advantage of due to (ironically) my own advantageous situation... I'm letting myself be a door mat simply because it doesn't really matter to me. And yet I just can't overcome the feeling that it's not worth it for me to pursue this.

It doesn't work like that, because in order to report the events, I have to say that they went missing right after the cleaning lady was in my office. There is no way to report the event without accusing her, even if I don't name her specifically, because she's the only cleaning lady on our floor today. If I omit the reference the the cleaning lady, I might as well just say I lost them in the bathroom or something, it defeats the whole purpose. It's kind of an all or nothing situation. I accuse her or I don't.


I will heed your request this time and not issue a warning.

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Moral of the story, she shouldn't have stole headphones and broken the trust you had in her.

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How many people have access to that cubicle? Was there any time lapse between when the cleaning lady finished and left and your return to that cubicle? Could the headphones have been accidently knocked into the waste basket and then thrown out with the trash? Ask around the office and see if other items have gone missing.

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No one else was in the room except myself, two other attorneys (who share the office with me), and the cleaning lady. The other attorneys (both friends of mine) definitely did not take them. The headphones were not knocked into the trash, I checked thoroughly. The timespan between me leaving the cubicle with them there and me returning to find them gone was about 5 minutes; I never left the room, I just went over to another cubicle and was chatting with that attorney about movies. There's really only two explanations: she stole them or she misplaced them while cleaning. I scoured the place without finding them, which seems to remove the latter as an option. No other items went missing in the office; the other attorneys checked their spaces thoroughly after I started a major WTF rant. A mini-version of this thread conversation occurred in our room after this event, so they're well aware of it.

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i'm with rory here.

stealing/damaging other peoples property is a rage-inducing act as far as i am concerned.

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As one shopkeeper said to the other.

That said, being the victim of theft etc is aggravating, but you'd want to be doubly sure they were stolen by the individual in question, right?

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sure, but report it, don't ignore it.

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Report the fact that they are missing, not that they have been stolen. There's a fine line between declaring theft and a spontaneous congregation of pitchfork enthusiasts.

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I think it's good to feel bad enough about getting someone fired right before Christmas that you don't say anything. I don't see why that would have to be some kind of sociological guilt complex either. It's good to have an aversion to petty things, and so I think it's natural to avoid that situation.

Essentially, reporting it is not wrong in the sense of unjust, but wrong because it's wrong to not be somewhat disgusted by the idea of making a fuss and getting someone fired over it. There's no way you should feel guilty about it though--you're just being a good person, which tends to involve a little bit of being taken advantage of by the immoral.

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TinCow, this statement indicates you have a soul. I thought the Bar Association was supposed to remove that on admission. This may be a test by your employer.

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What headphones are you thinking of getting? I'd recommend Sennheiser HD555 myself. I got a pair last year and while I'm no audiophile, listening to just about anything is a completely different experience with a quality pair of headphones like these.

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