The day was full of chaos. One point of the finger lead to another, and finally the desperate crew members decided on one fighter who just seemed out of place… not just with the crew, but with reality itself. Here was one so insane and demented that nobody was really sure who even let him on the ship in the first place! Captain Falcon was called in to read the votes.
“Today, the crew member you have found to be guilty is… Weavel the bounty hunter! Weavel, step forward and explain your defense.”
There were several gasps as Weavel approached the center of the chamber. He was fully clad in vicious armor, and nobody had ever seen what was underneath. Rumor had it he was almost entirely robotic, but there was no telling what he could be hiding.
“Well, you see… I can’t possibly have been working with Samus or Dark Samus because I’m a Space Pirate! Everybody knows that the Space Pirates hate both of the Samuses!”
Captain Falcon and the crew were dumbfounded.
“You’re saying you’re a Space Pirate… and because of that, we SHOULDN’T kill you? Wasn’t this whole mission set up to kill Space Pirates?”
If Weavel’s face was visible, he would have looked kind of nervous.
“Did I say Space Pirate? I meant former Space Pirate! Yeah, I don’t actually work with them anymore… that… often.”
“Who hired this guy again?”
A crew member piped up.
“Admiral Dane hired all the bounty hunters, sir.”
Captain Falcon brought his palm to his face.
“Let’s get this over with, then.”
“Not so fast! If you thought I would just stand here and let you kill me… well, then, I guess you didn’t think the right thing! I’m going to fight for my life!”
Before Weavel could even act, the Captain delivered a blindingly fast roundhouse kick to his chest. Much to his surprise, the entire top half of Weavel’s body detached at his hips and was launched back a few yards. The top half of Weavel’s body screamed insanely.
“HALFTURRET! ATTAAAAAAAAAAACK!”
A machine gun protruded from Weavel’s lower half and began firing at Captain Falcon. Though he was surprised, Falcon was nonetheless able to destroy the halfturret with a single blow from his fist. But Weavel was undeterred.
“Come over here! I’ll cut your head off!”
Using his arms to hop forward, Weavel extended a scythe from one of them and prepared to skewer the Captain with it. Falcon walked over casually and picked the bounty hunter up, then proceeded to tear both of his robotic arms out of their sockets. Then he set him back down with only his torso and head.
“Get back here! This isn’t over yet!”
"You’ve got no arms!”
“I’ll bite your ears off!”
“With your helmet?”
“Fine, then. We’ll call it a draw.”
Captain Falcon was about to blow the poor sap out the airlock and call it a day, but then a thought crossed his mind that made him grin.
“Let’s see what’s under that helmet, Weavel.”
“Naw, you don’t want to do that. Hey, what are you doing? Don’t come any closer! Not the helmet! No! NOOOOO!”
Captain Falcon pulled hard on the helmet. Everyone crowded around close to see what was inside. Finally, it came off with a pop.
Doopliss burst out of the empty hole where the head of Weavel should have been. Everyone jumped back in surprise. Captain Falcon nearly fell backwards, dropping the helmet as he did.
“Now I’ll finally have my revenge! HYUK HYUK HYUK! Captain Falcon, your body is mine!”
“Not a chance, freak sheet!”
Captain Falcon dove forward and grabbed at Doopliss. The ghost made an effort to dodge, but Falcon managed to grip his hanging sheet-thing. Much to his surprise, the sheet came right off. Everyone stared at what they found underneath:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
“PIKA-PIKACHU!”
The Corrupted Pikachu waved at them all gleefully. The crew members were now starting to get seriously confused. But they didn’t have any time to be confused, because Phazon-infused electricity started crackling at Pikachu’s cheeks.
“HOLY CRAP! SOMEBODY STOP IT, IT’S GONNA SHOCK US ALL!”
Nobody dared get near the Pikachu. The shock that they were expecting did not come, however. Instead, the Pikachu grew large and bloated, and larger still, all with the same sick smile on its face. Finally, it appeared to be bursting at the seams.
“IT’S GONNA BLOW!”
And indeed it did burst at the seams, for the Pikachu was only a costume after all! Standing in the place of the Pikachu was a sight to behold.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
“WRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRR!”
Gorea roared and raged. It glowed brightly as if it were going to unleash its ultimate attack.
“OH NO THERE’S A GOREA IT’S GOING TO KILL US ALL!”
“SOMEBODY HELP US!”
“I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”
Suddenly, the hero Link once again rushed to the rescue and brandished his Master Sword.
Stabbing forward, he hit Gorea right in the center with his blade.
POP!
The massive Gorea inflatable began to lose air rapidly. It took flight and zipped around the room until it ran out of air, sputtering on the ground.
Sitting there was the helmet of Weavel. Apparently the only living parts left in him had stayed in the helmet when Captain Falcon had pulled it off.
“SO, how did you like my little display?”
Captain Falcon grumbled, obviously annoyed.
“I should’ve known.”
“Yes, you should have. But now you have all fallen into my trap, FOOLS! You are all FOOLS! Because you see, embedded within my helmet is a miniscule nuclear warhead. At any time I wish, I can activate it! And I think that time is now! You may have beaten me, but I will take you all with me. Fluffy will have the last laugh! I will have my: ”
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
“JOKER VICTORY!”
The members of the crew looked on in horror.
“Weavel… is this true?”
“Naw, I was just joking with ya.”
Frustrated, Captain Falcon stomped on the cyborg’s head, smashing it to pieces. He felt an incredible urge to bang his head against the wall, but stopped himself because he realized he might break the wall.
Re: [Council of Villains] A State of Corruption: Information Thread
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