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Keeping Castille and France at bay should be fun... :>

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Started playing. Up to 1427 and the starting king is still alive. Had some successes against minors and established a super-strong navy, but struggling more financially than I'd like (partially due to the navy). I've also avoided being totally annihilated by Castile twice already, the second time ended up with a Castile paying my some cash for peace despite occupying about half the country because France and I are BFFs. Yeesh... Castile is going to be a MAJOR pain to take down, and they're out for our blood constantly.

[edit]Ok, reign ended in 1430. It's a regency (first heir died at about age 25), but it will be a long one (current heir is 4) and the heir is pretty decent (7/6/7). Working on write-up now.

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What settings are you playing on? I'mma scared of messing up. xD

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The year was 1399. King Marti surveyed his kingdom, but he did not like what he saw. The shape was just... wrong. Fat in some places, narrow in others; all in all, pretty ugly. It totally threw off the whole aesthetic.



Something had to be done. Fortunately, King Marti knew what to do. "We will attack Navarre and vassalize them! Navarre will help make Aragon look more like a proper triangle! The country is currently slightly tilted due to its unevenness, and better triangulation will increase its stability!"



And so it was the very brief and no-so-glamorous War of Aragonese Triangulation began.



After the war was over, the world was so impressed with King Marti's ability to invade a tiny country with almost no army to speak of, that the semi-great nation of Savoy offered to form an Alliance. There was much rejoicing. Denmark offered as well, but King Marti did not know where Denmark was, so he declined. There was much rejoicing.



Shortly thereafter, one of King Marti's advisors informed him that his second cousin had married the Queen of Sicily's third cousin's niece. Given the divine supremacy of Aragonese loins, that could mean only one thing:




Several days later, the King's wife gave birth to a new heir. Aragonese loins were once again supreme!



Unfortunately, at about this time, the Court Cartographer died. King Marti, being so obsessed with his own loins, did not realize that the man was dead. For the next 25 years, he would regularly shout at the man, "Paint a picture of this event, so that the fruit of my loins can witness my greatness! In color!" Needless to say, the festering corpse in the corner of the room did not comply. King Marti assumed his silence to be a sign of utmost obedience and reverence for the Royal Loins. (Somehow my screenshot program stopped recording from here on out. I didn't realize it until the end of the reign, sorry.)

One day, King Marti realized that he was short of tiny salty fish. So, he attacked Sardinia, as apparently someone had told another Aragonese King that he had the right to fish there about 150 years ago, or something like that. Unfortunately, the Pope and Genoa also coveted the salty fish, so they went to war with Aragon to stop them. King Marti called on his Savoyard friends to help him stomp on Genoa, which was great. Then Genoa called on their friends Switzerland to stomp on Savoy, which was not so great. And Hungary as well. It was at about this time that King Marti realized that he had a navy. Not just any navy, but a GOOD navy. "Where did all these big ships come from?!" he asked. "Aren't Mediterranean powers supposed to have galleys or something?"

The Great Aragonese Navy was victorious in battle after battle. Defeating the navies of Genoa, the Papal States, and Hungary, several more big ships were captured, making the Great Aragonese Navy the Greater Aragonese Navy. Soon, none of the other foes could reach Aragon or the islands to fight, and the war was brought to a swift conclusion. Towards the end, it occurred to King Marti that Sardinia would really look pretty odd sitting out there in the water all by itself. So, he demanded that Genoa give up Corsica as well, so that Aragon could have a nice semicolon island cluster. Proper punctuation was important to Marti. His advisors told him that the King of Bohemia, the Holy Roman Emperor, would be very upset with Marti for taking a province of the Empire. So, Marti came up with a plan. He sent diplomats to deliver insulting remarks to the King of Bohemia, about how ugly and non-triangular his country was. When that was finished, Marti formally withdrew Corsica from the Holy Roman Empire. There was much rejoicing.

It was at about this time that Marti became obsessed with islands. So nice and neat and… floaty. He had to have more! That’s when he remembered that Sicily totally belonged to him because of that thing with his cousin’s loins or something. So, it was time for more war! Naples didn’t like that, nor did Milan, but that was ok because Marti didn’t like them either. Soon the Greater Aragonese Navy had destroyed the other enemy fleets, capturing even more big ships, becoming the Greatest Aragonese Navy. With total control of the seas, it was easy for Aragon to invade and occupy all of Sicily.

That’s when those jerkwads, the Castilians, decide to get all up in Marti’s face. They were like, “Hey, your nation doesn’t look triangular enough. You must die!” Marti was very unhappy when he heard this, because he knew it was true. His entire army was busy besieging Sicily, and Castile soon swarmed across the border and laid siege to half the country. Suddenly, Marti had an idea. He asked the Portuguese for an alliance, but they said it was unlikely. So, he sent his youngest brother’s second son to get it on with the Portuguese king’s sister-in-law. After witnessing the incredible prowess of the Legendary Aragonese Loins of Power, Portugal agreed to an alliance. Soon Portugal was at war with Castile, and the fortresses of Sicily had fallen. Marti forced Sicily into a Personal Union and rushed his army back to Aragon so that it could stomp on small Castilian armies and run away from big ones. After a while, the two-sided Loin Assault demoralized Castile, and they agreed to end the war in exchange for some Aragonese money.

Ha! What fools, little did they know that Aragonese money was worthless. As it turned out, the Greatest Aragonese Navy was really, really expensive. Some people suggested to King Marti that he disband part of it, as it really was too large, but Marti punched them in the nose. “Those big ships are expensive! Do YOU want to pay for them later? No? Then SHUT UP!”

So, King Marti created a National Bank, so that he could ‘mint’ money without causing Aragon to inflate like a balloon, because balloons are round and not triangular, and that would defeat the whole purpose of the War of Aragonese Triangulation.

At about this time, someone asked King Marti to make war on someone else far away. He couldn’t remember exactly which country it was, but it was really small and really far away. With such a major threat to Aragon’s existence, the people were very understanding when King Marti imposed brutal war taxes, then lowered all military maintenance to zero and sat around doing nothing. He told them it was a secret plan to lure them into complacency. The people were too stupid to realize that was a lie, and by the time the War with the People King Marti Could Not Remember was over, Aragon was rich enough to build a whole bunch of stuff. Like docks and constables and stuff. It was great.

So, King Marti decided to do it again! But the stupid people were apparently not stupid enough to pay war taxes when there wasn’t a war. So, Marti went looking for a war. At about that time, Portugal was at war with someone, who was at war with someone, who was at war with Hainault, which was, like, WAY far away, or something. So, King Marti declared war, raised war taxes, and reduced military maintenance to zero. He was very pleased with himself.

Unfortunately, the Hainaultans were too stupid to realize that the fake war was fake and not real, so they invaded. And Holland did too. So, Marti had to raise maintenance back up to full to fight off the enemy, and he went broke and had to take out a loan. It was humiliating, really. The whole point of the Fake War was to raise money, and he was now losing money instead of making money. The Greatest Aragonese Navy performed well, as usual, capturing even more big ships and becoming the Greatester Aragonese Navy. With his coastlines secured once more, King Marti sat back and milked the stupid peasants with his war taxes until Hainault finally got bored of it and decided to pay him off to make him go away. There was much rejoicing.

Castile was once again being rude about things, sending insults about Marti’s mother and banning all Aragonese merchants from their trade centers. Marti had already outsmarted them though, as he hadn’t even bothered sending any merchants in the first place. He was so smart. Still Castile had a lot of guys with pointy sticks, so Marti sent his brother-in-law’s eldest son to get it on with some minor French princess. The King of France was so impressed with the Legendary Aragonese Loins, that he signed an alliance with Aragon.

Soon, France was at war with a whole bunch of people, because the French were generally jerkwads as well, though Marti was too polite to say that their faces. One of these nations was Foix, which owned the province of Bearn. A few years before Navarre had been formally annexed into Aragon, and now Marti’s dreams of a truly triangular kingdom could come true. Some advisors said that it was a bad idea to take Bearn, as France considered it one of their own provinces. Marti stomped on their toes while wearing boots. “Look at it! It’s perfect! It will make Aragon a perfect triangle!” And so it was that the Second War of Aragonese Triangulation began.

Those jerks the Castilians were waiting for just something like this. While the Aragonese army was besieging Bearn, they declared war and invaded. Portugal honored its alliance and also declared war. Marti was thrilled, until an advisor informed him that Portugal had honored its alliance with Castile, who apparently they were also allied with. Marti was very angry, had the Portuguese forgotten the Legendary Loins so quickly? The fools would pay!

And pay they did. For large armies that stormed into Aragon and pretty much tore everything up. Marti quickly annexed Foix so that his army was free to run away from Aragon. And run away they did. Many times. They fought several times as well. And lost. And ran away. But the Legendary Loins once again won the day, for the French alliance held, and France sent massive armies into Castile. At one point, Marti managed to chase some Portuguese armies into France, where they besieged several provinces, including Languedoc. After taking that province, Marti humbles himself and offered peace with the Portuguese, for the price of Languedoc. His advisors whispered to him that the province was French, not Aragonese, that he had no right to give it away, and that France had been very noble in coming to Aragon’s aid and that this was no way to repay them. Marti had those advisors impaled on rhubarb and agreed to the terms. With Portugal out of the war, Castile now only occupied about a third of Aragon and had only about three times the size of it’s army. They were facing defeat!

At about this time, Prince Alfons, the royal heir, died. Presumably of too much fornication. It was a common problem in Aragon, you see. So, King Marti had no choice but to stop over in Barcelona for a week in the middle of the war and whip out the Legendary Loins once more. For the good of the country! Soon Prince Ferran was born, assuring many more years of Aragonese Loinitude.

Eventually, the Castilians became so exhausted by having to occupy so much Aragonese territory, that they conceded defeat and paid Aragon some gold. Some people say that the French were the ones who really won the war, by occupying half of Castile, but those people are dirty, dirty liars and their mothers should be ashamed of them.

So it was that the Second Great War of the Castilian Jerkwads ended. King Marti spent the last few years of his life praying for his loins and admiring the very nice triangular shape of his nation. He died in December 1430, from excessive fornication.





Save Game File

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Default. Castile can't beat us too badly as long as the French keep protecting us. If we can get the Portuguese alliance back, we might actually be able to take some land off them in the next war. Still, it's certainly a tenuous position.

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Alrighty, I shouldn't have too many problems; been getting used to the minting/inflation mechanics so the only problems I might have is curbing my usual aggressive expansion policy. xD

You've made alot of headway so far; gaining Bearn was a good move, though it probably means that France will come knocking on the door eventually! I'm definitely going to load up the save later and have a nosy at what's happened; I'll be keen to see what Lord pevergreen of the Regency Council does at any rate. :P

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Seems like a solid start and a great read, TinCow! :D

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Will play in several hours.

Sucks I get the regency.

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Sorry about that. I was actively trying to get my King killed in the last Castilian war so that Alfons (7/7/7) could take over, but the silly heir died before his father could. At that point I started trying to stay alive long enough to prevent a Regency, but it didn't work out.

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Well familair faces all posting in one thread; it's been awhile. Just picked up EU3 complete around Christmas on Steam. Haven't figured out all the mechanics like the finances. This game looks to be a good start with Tincow twist. I just saw DW available on Steam. I will be reading with great interest!.

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Welcome back! The first lesson of finances is to keep minting under control and to avoid lots of inflation. National Bank is a good first Idea for this reason (and what I took in the game above). Also, you can reduce maintenance when at peace to save even more money.

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I knew it was you NN! (I spotted him in a thread at the paradox forums)

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Ok. Its the 9th of May, 1432, and our heir just died. I'll continue playing the regency until we get someone on the actual throne.

Moved slider to centralisation, got a pretender.

I'm updating as I'm playing :D

15th March, 1434. We got to the defence of France. The only one that will trouble us is portugal.

Two days later, and we have a king.




I put the save game in the upload in the org thing, but i cant tell where it went, so:

http://www.filefront.com/17841821/Org Aragon 2.rar

PMing next in line.

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Too bad you didn't get to play for that long, how did we go straight from no heir to a king?

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It happens. Random lord ascends, can be of age.

Do me proud, multiplayer partner?

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Heya, Is there any reason we arn't sending out the Merchants?
Might solve the money problem... just a though :-)

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We dont have a money problem. If we start merchanting badly, we might.

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Finished my hectic stint as ruler.

My reign started quite well. To add to the war with France that pever had, France was attacked by austria and I joined in defence and The Papal States were also attacked by Naples and once again I joined in defence.



Castille attacked portugal so I white peaced them and focused on fighting in italy. I vassalised all the OPM's that were fighting the pope alongside the Napolese and then took a few provinces off Naples.



At this point the English decide that the only country in Christendom to fight in defence of the Pope is a traitor the catholic faith.



Not surprisingly Castille seizes the chance to attack me, later joined by Portugal and the french decide to abandon me. At this point I am still doing quite well, my armies are far smaller than the Castillian and Portugese forces, but by picking my fights I manage to win most of the battles I fight in and I occupy some of their territory.




The english attack me the following year.



I peace castille, getting a few concessions



Things are going badly however in the war with the english, they have occupied a lot of territory and then strike a critical blow



Corsica surrenders to the english



Unable to coordinate my forces without a navy it just gets worse and worse



I sign peace with the english, making a lot of concessions. At this point things aren't going too badly, I could easily recover from this in a few years, and the provinces I was forced to free from being vassals are still friendly and allied.



Then disater strikes, I am attacked by Genoa, Portugal, Sienna, Aquelia, Savoy and many more besides. With so many countries attacking from all side the enitre country is quickly over run.



I am forced to give a lot of land money and cancel almost all diplomatic relations, the country is devastated



The king, distraught by the loss of his kindom dies of shame.



Sorry guys, I feel horrible for destroying the game so early

http://www.filefront.com/17842592/Org-Aragon-3.rar/

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No. not at all! Not much that can be done about massive wars like that. There's no way for a country like Aragon to repel that many enemies. Besides, it's stuff like this that makes the game interesting to read.

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I agree with TinCow. These kind of things makes the game interesting!

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Well, my turn is certainly going to be fun.

Secura, if you leave me in a regency council, I will be upset.

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I'm going to read over the pever and miotas' posts and then download the file and see what I get up to. :3

EDIT: poor pever, I was hoping to read some Regency Council hijinx but you just got unlucky. :<

And miotas... what have you done to our beloved Aragon? Haha, I'm just kidding, but things are going to be very difficult from here onwards considering I'm not very good at the game; I think we have just enough provinces to avoid annexation entirely, but if we're at war with multiple powers, it's adios Barcelona.

I'll start playing shortly. :3

Further EDIT: Loaded up the game, had a look at what was left, saw the levels of war exhaustion and such and realised there's no way I can do this; you said you'd be pissed if you had a Regency Council, Beskar... what if you had no nation whatsoever? :P

We'll see.

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Don't stress about it. If we recover, great. If we're annexed, we can just turn right around and start up a new game.

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Yeah I have to agree,
makes the game more diverse and fun, and rebuilding or struggling after a horrible defeat is all the more enjoyable.

However, just for future refrence that might help avoid multiple wars in DW, Need to keep that infamy on the lower side, and have an ally or 2 to deter from attacks,
:-p,
but then again maybe thats just me.. Either way I can't wait to take the reigns

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Well, I gave it a go and I just couldn't get anywhere.

I managed to defeat the Napolese forces and occupy Napoli after the Pope peaced out, with Modena occupying Calabria. Good news at first... except for a 10,000 Nationalist force that emerged from the capital and destroyed both our armies before marching into Apulia and taking that from me, which eventually defected back to Naples.

With no army or navy, and war exhaustion/inflation reaching levels where I couldn't do anything whatsoever, I was in no position to stop Heretics from marching around mainland Aragon and taking provinces; I managed to placate them but this granted the "National Heresy" modifier and caused them to march into the rest of Iberia, which led to Portugal and Castille declaring war on me (poor Papal relations from the modifier) soon after the initial truces concluded.

At that point, I quit; can't fight a war with no armed forces, so game over, basically.

At any rate, Beskar tells me that he tested the save file out, managed to annex Naples and recover the Aragonese land from the Portuguese with the help of the French; I was unable to do any of that, so rather than simply starting over as someone else or whatnot, perhaps it's best that he takes my turn as Joan II and I join the back of the queue. :3

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Unfortunately, I don't know if I could redo that. just wanted to see if I could recover to a reasonable degree and it was probably just luck. But, if TinCow is okay with Secura skipping, I could do the save since I am apparently next.

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If Secura got wiped out, the proper thing to do is call it a defeat. We'll start a new game and just continue on with the same player list at the same spot, so Beskar would be the first player of the new game. Another attempt at Aragon, or perhaps a different power this time?

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TC: This is your project, your call.

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I can go as a new nation, which nation would you like to play as? Perhaps Teutonic Order? Ireland OPM? None-Western?

Your call.

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