What could you do with your wife when she caught in adulterous situations? (Joke)

[Rahwana]

we often thinks that human rights are better served for us in our "democratic and equal" society, but I have another things on mind, recently, I think about adultery and divorces. Well, most of the time, laws are made to "protect" "innocent women", but most of the time, it was men who was discriminated against.

History always the best teacher, but we (or at least that greedy politicians) just never learn, if we look at the very similar case:

CASE : Imagine you are a married man, with a wife, you think both of you live a "normal" marriage, until some day, you going home early, and found her in bed with another man, yeah, that way. You don't immediately freak out but watch out for possibility of rape, but that's it, your wife are clearly having affair with another man.

What could you do? and the consequences? (in ancient world, assuming that man was your social equivalent)

in Stone Age time:
- Brain that man and brain that wife of yours, dump their corpses so they could be devoured by hyenas. After that, go seek another wife, no further consequences.

in Vedic time:
- Unsheathe your sword and kill the man, drag your adulterous wife to the local nobles / brahmins so she can be tried and if she shown no remorse, she would be drowned, no consequences for killing your wife's lover because he violate your right.

in Mosaic / Biblical time:
- Call some witness and bust them, they will be dragged to the field and will met their death by stoning. You do what God said.

in Babylonian time:
- Break into the room and kill the man, after that, you can either kill your wife or lock her in a room for punishment. No further consequences, and lawmen will tolerate you because she violate your right.

in Ancient China:
- go, tell local lawmen / lord, they'll help you break in and bust them both, soon, they will be drowned and you are free to search for another wife.

in Persian time:
- Unsheathe your weapon and kill the man, you can kill your wife as well if you want, afterall, report to the authorities and they will hand extra punishments to that man's family. You serve the law.

in Greek time:
- Kill the man and apprehend your wife, either kill her or sold her to slavery. You only get screwed if your wife's family is richer than you, but you could still legally kill that man.

in Celtic time:
- kill the man, apprehend your wife, and go tell the local chief or druid, depending on circumstances, your wife will be choked and thrown to peat bogs, or you can set her free if you want.

in Roman time:
- kill the man, kill your wife, you are Pater Familias afterall.

in Caliphate time:
- tell some witness, and bust that adulterous couple, they will be put to death by stoning. You serve Alloh's will. Feel free to search another wife after that.

in Medieval China time:
- kill the man, apprehend your wife and tell the local lawmen. She will be tried and if she was guilty and you don't need her anymore, she will be drowned.

in Medieval India time:
- unsheathe your sword and kill the man. Drag your wife to the local clerics and they'll hand out some extra punishments (mostly death) to your wife. Feel free to search another wife afterall.

in Medieval Europe time:
- kill them both, bury their corpses in backyard, and go, confess your sins to the local priest. No consequences except you are expected to go on crusade soon, or if you unlucky, feel free to pack your belongings and emigrate to another kingdom.

in Ottoman Empire time:
- view in Caliphate time

in Renaissance time:
- kill the man, you can kill your wife as well, but you could just jail her on your basement anyway. Authorithy will mostly tolerant of your action, but if you are unlucky, just go emigrate somewhere else and you'll be fine.

in Napoleonic time:
- draw your gun and kill either the man or both of them, that's crime of passion, authorithy will tolerate you or just give you light punishment (mostly millitary enrollment) if you chivalrously admit that.

in Victorian time:
- kill them both, and go enroll yourself into French Foreign Legion.

in Early modern time:
- kill either the man or both, and go emigrate to africa.

in Modern time (with supposed equality and justice):
- if you kill either one of them, you'll serve prison or even death penalty for murder
- if you contact the authority, they'll mind that it was YOUR BUSINESS
- if you confront them, your wife will demand divorce, take half of your fortune, tell the police that you regularly abuse her, claim she was forced to the marriage, take your children, etc.... and force you to pay support for her

___________________________
allright, more modern we are, men are much more discriminated, I mourn that.

[Ronin]

another joke:

- A man calls home and the housemaid picks up the phone:
'Hello Maria, could you please put Mrs. Smith on the phone?'
'I´m sorry senor, but the lady is upstairs in bed with a friend.'
'WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING MARIA??? IS SHE CHEATING ON ME???'
'She is in bed with a friend of her'.
'I CANNOT STAND THIS...MARIA...DO ME A FAVOR, YOU MUST GO GET MY SHOTGUN FROM THE STUDY AND KILL THEM BOTH'
'Ok senor'
*the maid steps away from the phone....loud bangs and screams can be heard over the phone*
'Ok senor, all done'
'Very good, very good, just push the bodies down into the basement, I will deal with it when I get home'
'The basement? what basement senor? there is no basement'
'Ups...sorry...I dialed the wrong number!'

:P

I´m here all week folks......tip the veal, try your waitress.

[Hooahguy]

in Mosaic / Biblical time:
- Call some witness and bust them, they will be dragged to the field and will met their death by stoning. You do what God said.

Not exactly. Better read this.

[Rahwana]

Not exactly. Better read this.

yeah, but this was supposed to be a joke thread

interesting articles btw, but if I want serious discussions, I'll post it on the Backroom.

[Major Robert Dump]

What if they are not in an adulterous situation and they or just wrestling, or he is looking for his contact because it fell down her pants?

[Strike For The South]

Men get the ultimate shaft when it comes to marrige, money, and kids

And thus God invented the Pre-nup. As for the kids succeed in making them think mum is a bad person

[Rahwana]

What if they are not in an adulterous situation and they or just wrestling, or he is looking for his contact because it fell down her pants?

at least it was safe to kill them both in ages earlier than modern ages
that kind of question is asked by a modern persons

[The Stranger]

and still we have improved cuz you dont want to compare this list to the list "what can you do to your husband when you no longer like him or just to get rid of him in general"

[Hosakawa Tito]

What if they are not in an adulterous situation and they or just wrestling, or he is looking for his contact because it fell down her pants?

So, did that excuse work for you or not?

This dude's got a better way.

[Major Robert Dump]

So, did that excuse work for you or not?

This dude's got a better way.

Believe it or not, my ex had excuses that bad, like when one of my "associates" assisting me while I was away phootgraphed her and one her of her boyfriends entering and exiting the county health department together. Only 2 reasons a man and woman would be doing that, and her explanation was so ridiculous even her attorney laughed.

Anyway, I won't kill the guys in question, but I do still discreetly harass them and play cruel practical jokes. As for her, she needs no help in ruining her life, I just get updates from my moles and giggle about her latest exploits.

While the whole divorce/custody thing is still swayed to the female, it is not nearly as bad as it used to be. In the 70s mom could be a drunk, unemployed, promiscuous high school drop out with dad having his act together, yet mom would still get the custody. I almost want to believe it was a secret agreement between judges and attorneys so it would absolutely gurantee they would be back in court at a later day, thus spending more money that goes to lawyers and the city government.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

in Roman time:
- kill the man, kill your wife, you are Pater Familias afterall.

Yeah..... this only worked if you were rich and could afford the thugs to protect you in the ensuing blood fued.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Yeah..... this only worked if you were rich and could afford the thugs to protect you in the ensuing blood fued.

The same could be said in general of all pre modern societies and even some supposedly modern. Just because you were not legally prohibited from killing/maiming someone in certain situations that didn't make it a practical recourse.

Anyway, on the subject of what women could do to obtain divorce in medieval time: say their partner is unable to sexually satisfy her. This is cause for annulment of the marriage and leaves her free to find a more potent partner and you with the stigma. Another opt out possibility was adultery, if you are guilty then she is free to seek annulment of the marriage.

Anyway I believe the stoning of women is still very much current in such beacons of male rights as Saudi Arabia and Iran...

[Cute Wolf]

yeah, divorce law today is a blatant discrimination against men, especially since it was made by assumption that every men will brutally beat their wifes, neglect her, and abuse her. In fact, most men won't even dare to hit a women (unless severely provoked, and it's very rare situations).

and if we take several things, men are always got discriminated against women in divorces:
After divorce, men will almost certain to lose custody of their children because everyone assumes that women will make better parents (unless he bribe the judges of course, but wait, bribes need money as well). A father who seeks custody often finds himself the target of numerous false accusations. And even if he win that without bribing the judges, his former wife can still kidnap their children and she won't be prescuted (but men will definitely got problems if they attempt to do that).

I'll say we must revive the "Crime of Passion" concept, if your spouse is unfaithful, you are legally capable to kill them both for greater good and save time, just make sure you have some weapons ready ( or at least a hoe or shovel)

[Major Robert Dump]

You said hoe. How apprapo

[Cute Wolf]

You said hoe. How apprapo

those things is heavy, have sharp edges, and with one swing, you could decapitate that damn adulterers.

in Medieval India time:
-Join in, making sure you read up on that Kama Sutra chapter beforehand.

well, lesbians is good, but gays are disgusting

[Louis VI the Fat]

This thread is to women what Fragony is to Muslims.

[Prussian to the Iron]

CASE : Imagine you are a married woman, with a husband, you think both of you live a "normal" marriage, until some day, you going home early, and found him in bed with another woman, yeah, that way. You don't immediately freak out but watch out for possibility of rape, but that's it, your husband are clearly having affair with another woman.

What could you do? and the consequences? (in ancient world, assuming that man was your social equivalent)

in Stone Age time:
- Get brained for witnessing it and getting angry

in Vedic time:
-Stay quiet, lest he kill you

in Mosaic / Biblical time:
-Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Babylonian time:
-Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Ancient China:
-Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Persian time:
-Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Greek time:
-Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Celtic time:
-Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Roman time:
-Report it to somebody, maybe you can avoid being killed. Maybe.

in Caliphate time:
- tell some witness, and bust that adulterous couple, they will be put to death by stoning. You serve Alloh's will. Feel free to search another husband after that.

in Medieval China time:
-Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Medieval India time:
-Join in, making sure you read up on that Kama Sutra chapter beforehand.

in Medieval Europe time:
-Tell the priest, you might actually get a divorce. Or he might kill you. Best to be quiet.

in Ottoman Empire time:
- view in Caliphate time

in Renaissance time:
- kill the woman, you can kill your husband as well, but you could just jail him on your basement anyway. Authorithy must never know, so get those sound-proof torture walls.

in Napoleonic time:
- draw your gun and kill either the woman or both of them, that's crime of passion, authorithy will tolerate you or just send you to the coal mines if you chivalrously admit that.

in Victorian time:
- Be quiet, lest he kill you

in Early modern time:
- kill either the woman or both, and go emigrate to africa.

in Modern time (with supposed equality and justice):
- if you kill either one of them, you'll serve prison or even death penalty for murder
- if you contact the authority, they'll help you with the one below
- if you confront them, you can get divorce, take half his fortune, tell the police he regularly abuses you, claim you were forced to marriage, take children, and get outrageous amounts of support.

___________________________
Alright, more modern we are, the more fair it is for women, I mourn that






:P Really read it for best results.

[Ibrahim]

not to ruin the fun, but the technical punishment for adultry in Caliphate times was officially flogging. applies to both men and women. didn't stop people here and there from stoning, but hey, that's life.

either way, I LOL'd.

personally, as a dark humor, I'd put in Johnny from the room as one possible act (no, I wouldn't do it-wouldn't recommend it either):

1-say: "YOU"RE TEARING ME APART LISA!!!" in the worst, most undignified possible manner.
2-call her and her mom a "*****"
3-tear one's house up in a most fake manner, and "do it" with a dress your wife had (yes, it is from the room)-again in a fake, undignified manner.
4-do us all a favor, and kill oneself.


now what I really think: I'd likely not have 4 other people with me, so I'd just join in.

[Ronin]

1-say: "YOU"RE TEARING ME APART LISA!!!" in the worst, most undignified possible manner.
2-call her and her mom a "*****"
3-tear one's house up in a most fake manner, and "do it" with a dress your wife had (yes, it is from the room)-again in a fake, undignified manner.
4-do us all a favor, and kill oneself.


now what I really think: I'd likely not have 4 other people with me, so I'd just join in.

PORQUE MARIA?!?!??! :D

[Ibrahim]

PORQUE MARIA?!?!??! :D

actually, I got it from, well, the Room (its a movie):
1-

the rest:

(warning: skip round 2:00 to 2:20, so as not to turn green; it is the "do it" part: there were originally scenes of nudity, but they were censored AFAIK iin this clip).

this whole movie actually turns me green. it is THAT bad.

[Togakure]

[sigh] This thread just exceeded the PG-13 threshold and will be moved to the Backroom.

[Louis VI the Fat]

PORQUE MARIA?!?!??! :D

Days later and I'm still wathcing this video for laffs. It's so spot on. He deserves an Academy Award for that!