Shadow and the Blossom

[frogbeastegg]

Grammar ain't everything (ha ha). There's grammar, ensuring that the text is standardised for easy interpretation. Then there's pace, rhythm and flow. Sometimes to capture those you need to break the rules of grammar. Allowing yourself to be rigidly bound by the rules is one of the biggest traps when writing in English; sometimes they need to be broken, and provided you know when and why it's not a problem to do so. It's only a problem if you are breaking them for the sake of it, or being careless about it, or doing so in such a manner that it is hard for the reader to make sense of your work.

You had a feeling and a tight selection of (good) words, and that's why it worked. Simplicity and focus. When I tried to capture similar sentiments I had words, then some more words, then I added a comma here, then I decided that wasn't smooth enough so I changed it, then this wasn't grammatically correct so I change that too, then I added some more punctuation so I could have more words, and oh look the entire thing is headed towards the bin because it's entirely lacking everything that's important.

Sometimes a pen and ink sketch captures the moment better than a fancy oil painting. Just look at those amazing brush and ink pictures of plants, birds or mountains some of the old Japanese artists made. A few lines, two shades, and wow.

[Kagemusha]

[Gregoshi]

Wow. froggy's word "beautiful" captures my feelings as well.

[A Nerd]

I loved it. I enjoy reading things that sort of provide a relaxing sensation as I read them thru, as this one did. I think your grammar isn't as bad as you think either. Write more, I would love to read it!