Saturday is the Rapture

[Louis VI the Fat]

Gah to all you naysayers! It was the rapture that has happened, not the Apocalypse.

We shall now need a list of everybody who has posted here in the past few months. Then we shall have to compare this with the list of everybody who's going to posting this week, to see who are missing.

Then I'm going to go over each of their posts to study them carefully. They were right and we were wrong. There must be lessons in the writings they've left us. It might not be too late. The Apocalypse is only this October, there might still be time! Repent repent repent ye sinners!



ANYBODY SEEN OR HEARD FROM RHYFELWYR? TUFFSTUFF? THAT 'FIRST CAUSE GOD EVIDENCE' GUY FROM LAST WEEK?

[Whacker]

The velocirapture is upon us.

[Samurai Waki]

I celebrated the rapture by running a 5K and then gardening. I can't wait to hear the backpedaling. "Oh, wait! I did the math wrong. The rapture is going to be NEXT year..."

I actually considered going to the "Backpedal Party" they were putting on in Tacoma for this thing, then I decided it wasn't interesting enough for me to warrant the three hour drive.

[HopAlongBunny]

There must be lessons in the writings they've left us.

And we shall assemble the lessons; be it that each book be named after it's author; that inscription and transcription of these learned words be without taint; The Rapture Louis VI the Fat edition...available in a motel nightstand near you

[HoreTore]

Hah!

You all thought he was wrong, didn't you? Well, who's laughing now?!

Man, it sure is great here up in heaven. The food is wonderful, the women heavenly, the temperature soothing. I almost feel sorry that you guys are left on earth, but then I snap out of it as two angels with skimpy outfits give me a backrub. So long, folks!

[Greyblades]

...You get wifi in heaven? Best. Afterlife. Ever.

[Beskar]

So. I assume it didn't happen?

I haven't seen PVC or Rhywlyr around in the thread... perhaps they are with the creator in Ever Lasting Paradise?

[Banquo's Ghost]

Well, I woke up this morning - which to be honest, was a surprise - and since I didn't have any plans for today, spent some time watching the well-known evangelist Peter Cook.

[CrossLOPER]

I haven't seen PVC or Rhywlyr around in the thread... perhaps they are with the creator in Ever Lasting Paradise?

Logs indicate both were active last night.

[Lemur]

Well, who's to say you couldn't VPN or RDC into a local computer from paradise? If the Heavenly Father has moved to IP6 (and there's no reason to think he hasn't) it would be quite simple to give every angel in Heaven a unique IP address. The rest is simplicity itself.

-edit-

I guess the unRapture is official. Dang.



Also, a decent survey of what happens to sects when the Apocalypse doesn't come on time.

Even without this sacred disclaimer, it's easy enough for a believer to reinterpret and revise the details of a prediction so that it fits whatever facts are on the ground. The research literature is littered with such examples. When atomic energy didn't sweep over the Earth to herald the Second Coming on Christmas Day 1967, the Universal Link group cheerfully reinterpreted their prophecy as pertaining to a spiritual force, rather than a physical effect. When flying saucers never announced their presence to humankind in 1976, the Unarian sect gently reworked its prophecy to refer more broadly to some point in "the future," while blaming limited human minds for misunderstanding the aliens' grand plan. When a Pentecostal group led by the God-channelling housewife Mrs. Shepard emerged after more than a month from self-built fallout shelters, they were pleased that the divinely ordained nuclear holocaust had not come to pass—and grateful for having passed a test of their faith.

[Fragony]

...You get wifi in heaven? Best. Afterlife. Ever.

No of course there's no wifi there is nobody to sell it to you

[Tellos Athenaios]

But on the upside there will be actual techies there to make it work.

[Fragony]

Was just trying to ruin his expectations and hope of a future, what do I care if there's wifi there or not I intent to reign in hell

[Rhyfelwyr]

ANYBODY SEEN OR HEARD FROM RHYFELWYR?

I think you will find it is spelled "Rhyfelwr".

Rhywlyr

Well you're not even trying.

[Veho Nex]

So I got raptured last night. It was pretty cool and all, walking around on clouds and stuff. God's got quite a few jokes I can tell he was saving up just for the end of the world. There were plenty of parties but none of them had any substance that could get you drunk or high. There was no electricity and no computers. I walked up to god, hearing that he was a reasonable fellow, and asked if I could goto hell to see what it looks like down there. He wrote me a 6 hour visitor pass and I went and hung out with Lucifer. Hell was no better I swear it felt like it was 500 degrees. So when I got back to heaven I told god, "Yo man, this is cool and all, but I'd really like to go back down to Earth and enjoy its last 5 months. Is it ok if i do that and you can just rapture me right before you blow it up?" He nodded his head and said, "It shall be done my man, give my props to Harold Camping when you get down there. That fool convinced millions of people to believe in the dumbest thing I ever heard of. I pitied him so I pulled a few of you guys up. Remember dude, what happens in heaven, stays in heaven, ya dig?"

With a blinding flash I was back on Earth with a beer in hand. God is pretty cool guy, eh, starts a false rapture and doesn't afraid of anything.

[Louis VI the Fat]

I think you will find it is spelled "Rhyfelwr".

Gah! You've sneak-changed your name from Rhyfelwyr to Rhyfelwr just recently!

To be exact, on 22:16, 04-26-11! Dangit, and there I was, priding myself that I was the only Orgah who would consistently spell your name correctly.


WAS THE NAME CHANGE IN ANTICIPATION OF THE RAPTURE
WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT WE DON'T WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM US HAVE YOU PRODDIES BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG WE NEED TO KNOW

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

I would like to confirm I was *not* raptured, nor was anyone I know.

We are all sorely dissapointed, though as someone pointed out, if Camping was right the End would finally come just before the new academic year, so before we finish out PhD's.

[Veho Nex]

Guys i found out why Rapture didn't happen.



Machoman Randy Savage killed himself to stop Jesus and God

[Ronin]

not even god could handle the MADNESS of Macho Man Randy Savage!!!!

RIP.

[tibilicus]

Can't say it doesn't leave a disappointing taste in your mouth..

[InsaneApache]

Bit like Horlicks.

[The Stranger]

i guess you guys didnt buy a t-shirt either...

[Ronin]

i guess you guys didnt buy a t-shirt either...

I did actually

[Veho Nex]

[Shaka_Khan]

Apparently the guy got the date from multiplying three Biblically significant numbers together (3/7/12 IIRC), then multiplying that by two, and adding that onto the number of days from Jesus death on the cross. Because that is obviously when the rapture must be, for some reason...

Why multiply by two?

[HoreTore]

He didn't. Rhy's math skillz are failing, it wasn't multiplication of two(x2), it was squaring the answer(^2).

So, the calculation was (5x10x17)^2. Why did he square the product of the first calculation? No idea. But I guess he did it simply to get a bigger number, one that would "fit".

Atonement x atonement x completeness x completeness x heaven x heaven = Doomsday. Perfectly logical....

[Rhyfelwyr]

idk I couldn't remember what he did. None of it made any sense. Who knows why he even picked the number he did. There are other biblically significant numbers. He forgot 40. So he has to multiply his answer by 40 to find the real date!

[Lemur]

[Fragony]

Here in Dutchieland we know what really happened. http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/1494..._nog_zijn.html

(afgesloten means closed)

[InsaneApache]

I've just had a thought. I can't remember a thing on Saturday night after 22:00 hrs. I think I might have been raptured. (ouch!)

On the other hand it might have been a combination of Grolsch, Chardonnay and some evil smelling tobacco/green stuff that makes me dizzy when I smoke it.

Maybe.