So I got raptured last night. It was pretty cool and all, walking around on clouds and stuff. God's got quite a few jokes I can tell he was saving up just for the end of the world. There were plenty of parties but none of them had any substance that could get you drunk or high. There was no electricity and no computers. I walked up to god, hearing that he was a reasonable fellow, and asked if I could goto hell to see what it looks like down there. He wrote me a 6 hour visitor pass and I went and hung out with Lucifer. Hell was no better I swear it felt like it was 500 degrees. So when I got back to heaven I told god, "Yo man, this is cool and all, but I'd really like to go back down to Earth and enjoy its last 5 months. Is it ok if i do that and you can just rapture me right before you blow it up?" He nodded his head and said, "It shall be done my man, give my props to Harold Camping when you get down there. That fool convinced millions of people to believe in the dumbest thing I ever heard of. I pitied him so I pulled a few of you guys up. Remember dude, what happens in heaven, stays in heaven, ya dig?"

With a blinding flash I was back on Earth with a beer in hand. God is pretty cool guy, eh, starts a false rapture and doesn't afraid of anything.