The EB book of comedy battlefield errors

[Arkeolog4]

Nice ones there Kyodai, not as failed as mine I think, though :D
Swebian failures:

1st-In a battle vs Baltic rebels, I got AIish.Charged his line with my low-quality infantry and waited hoping they would eventually rout.Then suddenly all my line suddenly routed xD, tactics are a must

2nd-Against the Romans near Arpi, I screwed up a battle that was going totally in my favor by sending my 40 manned bodyguard against 70 singvlares hoping they would win.When I realized my FM was getting his ass kicked about 500 meters away from the battlefield, it was too late to fall back, my FM died 15 seconds later. I was like ''****!Why am I so dumb!?''

[SneakyNinja]

My worst was when my Roman Empire was expanding into Gaul

I had a tough battle at a bridge (can't remember where) and my Legionarys broke them and they started a mass rout. As they're whole army was routing i sent my 7 star with excellant traits general over to help persue them. He missed the bridge and drowned.


Not really my fault but I thought it belonged in this thread

[Ca Putt]

ouch that hurts :(

The biggest debacle I can remember ( i think there were two crushing defeats at the hands of an outnumbered AI but i can't remember them ^^) was with bactria, the assault of Takshila, or to be precise the sally. You know that was on my old PC, and well It always took the ole chap some time to load so I often went to the kitchen to grab some grub while the game loaded. Unfortunately for my rather levy heavy army I forgot that hostile sallies don't give you a deployment phase and I had actually made myself a sandwhich to fight the "upcomeing" battle well nourished...(unlike my troops who were a bit peckish by now). The battle had already begun and while I put down my meal I watched a bunch of guild warriors already chewing on my archers X(, all Elephants beeing "on field" and most of their melee units IN my lines. Totally Panicked I gave my Phalangites(who were still holding the Siege towers tight X/ ) abstruse orders. With a great amount of Luck I actually managed to run in my BG after the only fleeing Rebel unit(a particulary stupid unit of indian spearmen who had charged into my only deployed phalanx X) ) into the City, capture the town square and Win the battle with the loss of 80% of my army(and maybe 30% enemy casualties). That did take care of my finances tho.

[Mr. Stuka]

As macedonia, my siege of the last Getai bastion: their capital. The fullstack garrison and another stack met my "royal army" several miles away from the city. I gathered y phalanxes around a giant boulder(noobish, i know, but it was in a forest, and i was scared). I routed a lot of enemy units, then broke the ring and chased the routing enemies down with about half my infantry. that's when the other half of their army appeared out of the forest. it was a massacre. There were no survivors.

[lolpah]

Well, in my current Carthaginian campaing, a smallish (halfstack?) roman army advanced near the city of Rhegium. My main army was at Tarentum, but Rhegium had a nice garrison force consisting of Liby-Phoenician and Libyan spearmen(the early ones), some other random units, and a governor, so I decided to attack that army with he garrison force. The odds said 5:4 for my advatance, and I had grown overconfident, having won all previous battles against them, so when the battle was in foresty terrain, I just marched my army at their position, which may have been on an unsteep hill(I couldn't find the proper term). I directly attacked them with my Liby-Phoenicians, and most of my Libyans and at least and unit ot caetratii encircled them, leaving only a small gap in their rear for my general to charge-and-repeat from. Their general, if i recall correctly, got into pitched infantry battle and routed.

But despite all this, they did not break, and eventually my right(if i recall correctly) flank collapsed and an unit of Principes and Triarii began to chase them. My left flank and centre held on however, and eventually drove rest of the Romans into a rout. Meanwhile, I got some of the routers to return and attack the unit of Principes chasing them. The unit of Triarii turned back and collided with my main line. I somehow did not manage to flank them properly or anything, but my units were still winning by their sheer numbers.

Well, that's when I made a critical mistake. I had previously ordered my general(with only 12 bodyguards left) to chase down a routing unit of Pedites Extraordinarii to prevent them from re-entering the battle. However, I neglected to support them with any infantry, and the Extraordinarii, with like 49 men left, turned back and fought my General. I had become too embroidered with the other battles to watch my General, and too late I noticed that he only had 4 men left. Well, I tried to retreat him back and send my few reserves there, but he was surrounded and his unit routed and started a fight to death before he could get out, and they were massacred.



Well, my troops didn't insta-rout, but my reserves couldn't outmatch the Extraordinarii, and my main force couldn't beat the Triarii quickly enough, so eventually my reserves collapsed and then my main line. Fortunately, the former routing units had managed to beat the Principes, and I at least once managed to form a new line from them and my main line units that had stopped from routing, but they routed on touch with the Romans.

So, I lost the battle, and due to healing casualties, they had about half of the army left after the battle, and their General too!

[Brennus]

In my Carthaginian campaign I had conquered Italy and reduced the Romans to few settlements north of the Alps (as much as EB tries to be accurate the AI doesn't always go along with it) and decided to put an end to them with an army of Italians (Bruttians, Campanians and Samnites) led by an FM. Decided the best way to do it was pick a pitched battle on a mountain top, let the Romans tire themselves out running up to me and then charge down after them. Problem was I picked the wrong side of the mountain to climb, instead of finding myself on a nice plateau near the summit I found myself facing sheer cliff edge... So much for my Italians.

[stratigos vasilios]

I sent three full stacks of half levy's to attack Ebronubrum (sp?), the Boii settlement, and their roving general. I auto resolved the battle... lost 2 and 1/2 of the full stacks. Comedy error #1, don't auto-resolve!

[Paltmull]

I had a tough battle at a bridge (can't remember where) and my Legionarys broke them and they started a mass rout. As they're whole army was routing i sent my 7 star with excellant traits general over to help persue them. He missed the bridge and drowned.

Hilarious!

[SneakyNinja]

Hilarious!

It took me quite a while to see the funny side

[Tyrfingr]

Marched into Hayasdan with my bactrian "northern expedition force" consisting of archers, eastern axemen and some mercenary georgian swordsmen. I was hoping for a quick campaign, to take their capital Armavir in a swift and bold move while their armies are out fighting the sarmations for the supremacy of the steppes. However, I did not bring any spearmen and any heavy cavalry so two units of noble cataphracts and a family member and three units of eastern skirmishers routed my army and nearly killed my leader, a nephew of the king. I'm currently in Phrasspa, regrouping and recruiting a new force, this time with spearmen and heavy cavalry.

[LusitanianWolf]

Love this threat.


One big fail that happened to me was in my last Pontic campain where I had a very old general that fought something like 90% of my major battles until then agaisnt both ptolies and seleukids and that was comanding one of my two main armies by himself... By that time I had control of all asia minor and coastal syria and he was pushing my way into Egipt. So I thought that it would be better to give him a trustable second in comand, just in case something would happen to him (treachrous greeks) and sent a young, promissing general to give him a hand....

First battle and the young general get himself killed somehow against some low tier infantry... -_-' while the old one keep pawning the Ptolies as he allways did.
Until he died from old age many years later but not until all of northern Egipt was consulidated under Pontic rule.. Ah, the good old tough fox he was.... RIP

[KyodaiSteeleye]

sneakyninja wins so far, although doesn't strictly count as human fail.

His story rings of William rufus getting shot in the head on a hunting trip, or the Holy Roman Emperor falling of his horse and drowning. Of such things is history made!