Why do nice girls date guys who are jerks?

**Hooahguy** · 08-26-2011, 01:47

Why do such nice girls go out with such complete

s?

[ You can have a legitimate discussion about this without leaning towards a personal attack - Sec ]

**Papewaio** · 08-26-2011, 01:53

Because most people would prefer a second hand BMW that has been test driven to a brand new Prius.

**a completely inoffensive name** · 08-26-2011, 03:02

Originally Posted by Hooahguy

Ok so heres the situation: so where I work there are two very pretty girls. Lets call them Red and Greene. Now, I had Green "in my sights." Then comes this other guy, who makes out with Red, and then the next day makes out with Green and now they are dating. Clearly such a person is a jerk, so why do such nice girls go out with such complete

s?

Because he has a bigger package than you.

**Hooahguy** · 08-26-2011, 03:06

Originally Posted by a completely inoffensive name

Because he has a bigger package than you.

Touche sir, touche.

**Rhyfelwyr** · 08-26-2011, 03:25

How do you know they are nice girls?

**naut** · 08-26-2011, 03:45

I was going to reply in disgust. But, why bother when someone has explained it better than me.

Originally Posted by Heartless Bitches International

Compliments on the site.

While I don't agree with *all* of the material you've got, your section on 'Nice Guys' had a lot of very good stuff. At the risk of speculating on the inner workings of the female mind, I'd like to offer my theory on the whole nice-guy issue:

The vast majority of women don't want nice guys.

That's right. Sorry, guys who were hoping to get lucky by rescuing puppies and listening to Yanni, you're in trouble.

Women don't want nice guys. In my experience, with friends, partners, and other interactions, they like *KIND* guys. The difference is a subtle one, but it's important.

'Niceness' is a set of completely superficial behaviors that boils down to 'being inoffensive.' Someone can be a 'nice

' just as easily as a caustic

. Niceness also comes along for the ride with kindness in many cases, but is motivated by genuine care for others regardless of how it 'pays off.'

My experience has been that most of the deeply embittered 'nice guys' are just as self-centered as the jerks they gripe about; they just don't have the balls to weather rejection from healthy women while playing the numbers game, hitting on women until one responds favorably.

If your goal is to 'get' a girl, and you're trying to accomplish it by being a nice guy, you are being very inefficient. If your goal is to form long-lasting relationships with people you care about, and possibly have a romantic relationship with them, well, kindness is a quality to cultivate.

It's about motivation, really.

**Arjos** · 08-26-2011, 10:11

^^

**Subotan** · 08-30-2011, 21:54

Methinks Hooahguy has more than a touch of the green-eyed monster. Although I in my infinite wisdom and maturity, at least in relation to Frontroom threads about teh crazy wimmenz, am able to to exactly identify everything that is wrong with Hooah's sentiment, HBI put it far better than I would ever be able to:

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like ****, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

...

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love". You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

Mildly NSFW - http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...niceguys.shtml

**Philippus Flavius Homovallumus** · 08-30-2011, 22:08

Originally Posted by Subotan

Methinks Hooahguy has more than a touch of the green-eyed monster. Although I in my infinite wisdom and maturity, at least in relation to Frontroom threads about teh crazy wimmenz, am able to to exactly identify everything that is wrong with Hooah's sentiment, HBI put it far better than I would ever be able to:

Mildly NSFW - http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...niceguys.shtml

Yeah, I'm a Good Guy, not a Nice Guy - I can be rude and abrasive at the best of times - but I have come to accept that I am incapable of forming relationships with women on an intimate level.

Hooah should do the same.

**Subotan** · 08-30-2011, 22:15

I quote:

"Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF."

**naut** · 09-08-2011, 14:34

Originally Posted by Subotan

I quote:

"Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF."

Extrapolation:

Women are turned off by the nice guy. While most healthy women don’t want someone who is going to be mean to them, there’s a difference between being kind and being a disgusting wussy.

In my first relationship, I was a disgusting wussy. You know that guy, the one who says “Is everything okay with you? Are you sure? Are you really really sure?”

He avoids conflict at all costs. He wants everything to be smooth. Not only does this person lack honesty in the relationship, but he lacks all backbone and any thoughts and feelings of his own. He’s a wet blanket, not a person.

I was the nice nice nice guy. And I also had huge approach anxiety. These two are related.

Part of approach anxiety is a strong tendency to avoid conflict. You don’t want to BOTHER the girl. You wouldn’t be able to handle it if you did something to make her not like you.

Or if, God forbid, you creeped her out? It would take you weeks to get over it.

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize that relationships are about two independent people coming together out of strength rather than out a of desire to feel good about helping some other person.

Being super nice can kill attraction in seconds. Attraction is based on a push/pull. A bit of teasing. Show the girl that you are willing to lose her. Make her take responsibility for her half of the interaction. She wants to be challenged!

Instead, the nice guy wears insecurity on his sleeve without knowing it. He sees it as a badge of honor for why he doesn’t succeed with women. He clings to it to cover the pain of failure.

It’s good to be nice to women. But hoping that meekness will attract women is a fallacy. Niceness on this magnitude is read by women as overcompensation for not having balls. It is overcompensation for not being willing to take true risks.

**Strike For The South** · 09-08-2011, 15:10

Most of this insecurity stems from being socialy retarded. Most men who are perpetually single are

1. Terribly out of shape
2. Unable to carry on a conversation
3. Unpresentable in polite company

All of this other stuff is really inconsequntial and moot conidering if you can't connect with people