So, Orgah's, I promised an update on my newest girl issues and it's about time to deliver. I'll leave out the grittier details to avoid warnings.

Anyways, if you will remember my thread about a month ago about being called a slut, this is a continuation of that story. I stayed with Green (though Red and I were and are still friends), and that week she came over several times after all the kids were asleep, and told me she loved me on the 5th day we were dating. Red light, right guys and gals? Well now it seems that way, but I have a weakness for female attention and affection so at the time it was great of her to say. We continued having a generally great first week and spending lots of time together. Freakin awesome week it was.

The second week was a little shaky though. While together at her friends house we had a "breakage" and she freaked out and started crying and not knowing what to do. I'll admit I was scared as all hell as well but I managed to calm her down and we figured out we needed the Plan B pill. We got that and she really eased down and we had a pretty uneventful but nice night afterwards.

Now at that point, like 10 days in, we hadn't yet gone out on a real date. We had worked almost every day together and "cleaned" just about every theater that got out together, and after we got off work at around midnight she would stay over, but there hadn't yet been a serious date night. She asked if we could change that and go out on the following saturday (8 days from then), and honestly I wanted that as well so of course I agreed. It's worth mentioning at this point that she had several times told me that she "wanted to be together for a really long time", thus giving me a sense of security.

Then things went downhill. She wanted to hang out with her very recent ex, and though I should've been more trusting I still think she could've waited longer (considering everything he put her through, not that I'm one to talk) and it would've been just fine. We had a small argument about it (and I had to capitulate) and we were fine the day after. 3 days later I went to get my drivers license (which I did) and she told me that her and the ex were going to the mall 4 days later. We had the argument again, where I become the bad guy and apparently I "don't trust her even though she trusts me completely", even though it was really more about the fact that I didn't trust him and I was just a little bit jealous. Not that she wasn't possessive at all though; despite living a few minutes away she goes to a different school, and every other day pretty much she would be worried that I would find a "hot blonde cheerleader that everyone loves" and leave her. So I wasn't the only one being perhaps a little jealous or possessive in the relationship. However the week wasn't all bad; her parents were out of town for 2 days and I slept over at her house. Best night ever.

Anyway she got all pissed off about that and we pretty much didn't talk until the day after, thursday, when I went over to her house after dropping off my sister (with my license. as in driving alone. in my car. yeeeeeeeeeah ). We had a great time hanging out with her friends and walked down to a park and talked for a while before I was told that I had to pick my sister up from dance. I got there and it turned out that she still had another hour and a half before she could leave, so I decided to go back to my girlfriends house. It turned out that I missed the turn. So I turned into someones driveway to turn around, and there was a very low brick wall that scratched the hell outta my front bumper. I still went to her house and she was there for support when I called my dad and was yelled at for it, and until I had to leave to pick up my sister and go home to face my mom, who then said I couldn't drive anywhere except school and work.

Now that seems like it's not such a horrible punishment, but it was the day after I got my freedom and I was then re-chained back into having to be driven everywhere. I freakin exploded. Has anyone here ever been so angry that your vision tripped out and you saw little sparkles and black spots all over whatever you looked at? I was.

Green tried to call me but I had just finished having a huge argument with my mom and I told her, calmly "I don't feel like talking right now" which she said okay to, and then we hung up. I felt like this was a better alternative than getting even more pissed off on the phone and having to deal with that. For some reason she took this personally and refused to talk to me for a few hours and then let out this whole thing about how I won't let her help or anything. I still don't understand what made that upset her so much, I thought it was a fairly minor issue compared to the fact that I was explosively angry. We did talk the day after though and I vented to her about everything which made me feel better. None of you know me well enough to know, but I frequently curse. Happy, Mad, neither, any mood I will curse like 80 sailors combined. If I'm not cursing at least once every 2 sentences then it's because I'm in a formal setting or talking to someone I can't curse to, like the school principal. And when I'm angry I curse at about a ratio of 1 curse per every 4 or 5 words. So with that said, I cursed ALOT while venting. But none of it was directed at her, I made sure she knew that it was all at my mother and had nothing to do with her. For some reason she took it against herself and got all upset again. That night (friday, the day before we were supposed to have our date night) we worked together and took an hour long break to get food for everyone at work. I thought we were totally fine, she acted normal, I apologized, thought we were all good again.

Then the morning after I was just chilling when I get a text saying that she was breaking up with me. Now, there's a number of things that pissed me off about this.
1. It was a text. Really? She takes my virginity and then breaks up in a text. A call, AT LEAST is expected. Far better would be to tell me face-to-face. She has a car. She could've driven over. We worked the day after, she could've said something after work. Hell she could've asked me to come over, I woulda said I was going to work so I could drive. But no she texts me.
2. She didn't have any reason. Yeah I get that maybe I could've toned it down a bit with the anger, but I never harmed her and never directed any of it toward her. Her explanation was that I changed. The thing is, she became super overly emotional and took everything the wrong way. I didn't change at all.
3. I had established a good sense of security. As I mentioned before, she had repeatedly said that she wanted to be together for a long time. She had already asked a couple times what would happen to our relationship after high school, in 9 months. She was belly-aching about me leaving. I expected to not have to worry about her leaving, at least not for a while. That false security really pissed me off.
4. We had gone through a hurricane together, an earthquake together, a pregnancy scare together, and I protected her from someone who made a death threat to her at the ticket booth. And she broke up with me over a tiny argument, one that I had completely discounted from meaning.
5. Well I'm not gonna put it differently than what it is, I get angry when someone breaks up with me. Probably because I don't have a huge amount of friends or anybody to talk to on a really regular basis, and losing one of the most important ones makes me sad, which translates into a huge amount of anger. This one is my fault and I don't have an excuse or explanation. It's how I am, I don't like it, but it just is.

So I said some bad things to her. Like whore and other various insults, except they were on a really personal level that would hurt her deeply. I regret it and shouldn't have said any of it, and I don't need anyone to say anything about it. It happened and I'm sorry for it but she doesn't care about me at all so I figure there's no point in caring either. Anyway that's about the time that she said she was cutting herself and chain-smoking, and tried to kill herself with pills. I had no idea this was happening until she told me.

About a week after, I decided to apologize for what I said and by extension did to her. Did it after work in front of several of her friends, and she rejected it and continued to hate me. And immediately after I sent a text which I pretty much poured my heart into about how sorry I was, and she still didn't care. I tried several more times but was shot down each time. I didn't try to get her back, just to say that I was really sincerely sorry. And I was and am. I felt so bad about it that my whole body was uncontrollably shaking for 4 days.

However, now she has a new boyfriend and she has for about a week. So I decided that if she hates me then that's okay, and her new boyfriend can deal with it. I still haven't completely lost hope for some reason, I might try to pick up the rebound when they break up, which should only be a couple weeks, maybe a month max. Doubtful that I'll get her back but might as well try.



So that's the deal with that. As of right now there's 2 other girls in my classes that are really great, one is my lab partner every day for the whole year and one sits next to me every other day. We get along amazingly, and the second one knows all about the internet and memes, video games, and pretty much all the same stuff I love. But sadly they both have a boyfriend. Which means I'm probably not going to homecoming this year.




There's my update on girl troubles for Prussian Iron, in case the .org was getting quiet without me.