Am I being a snob?

[Vuk]

I have had a few relationships in my life, including one that I was very emotionally involved in, but they were all very short. They all (save one) ended when I found out more about the woman I was with than I wanted to know. The last year or two since my last relationship I have found myself getting pretty lonely (esp since I really never felt very connected in my last two relationships) and wanting to be in a relationship again. The problem is that I just am not interested in anyone I meet. I know that sounds wrong, but every girl I meet, I have a reason not to like or be attracted too. Mostly not for any bad thing they do, but they just plain old do not interest me at all. Not intelligent, no imagination, petty, interested in things I don't care about and not interested in anything I am, etc, etc. They few women I have met who I really liked were married. (and I like the sort of girls who would not cheat on their husbands, nor would I want to have a relationship with a married woman)

And it seems that after every relationship I am in, I am less and less attracted to people I meet. Honestly, 99% of the women I meet come off to me as either intellectually or ethically not up to the standard of what I would want in a wife. Am I just setting my standards too high? I am pretty flexible with a woman's appearance as long as she is the type I can respect and be attracted too, or who can at least intrigue me. The problem is that while I've met a lot of physically attractive and sexy women, all the women I meet are so bland in every other way that they really don't interest me.
They few women I have met who have attracted me on a level beyond that of physical attraction were mostly middle-aged (well beyond my age range) and mostly married. Aren't there any good, young women out there who care for more than petty things and are decently intelligent? Even the intelligent ones I meet seem to care only about the pettiest of things!

Do I lower my standards and get stuck with someone I cannot respect and like, or do I just keep looking potentially till I am middle-aged? Am I just a snob, or are most people today just not that attractive? (and I don't mean in a physical sense)

[a completely inoffensive name]

I didn't read the whole thing but I am going to go with probably yes.

[Tuuvi]

I would say you should be a little more accepting and try to get to know girls better before you make up your mind if their right for you or not. Because you never know sometimes you can really click with a girl even though you don't have anything in common with her and sometimes you might have more in common with someone than your originally thought.

[Papewaio]

Just work hard and when you are middle aged you will find someone your age attractive.

Or Go Cougars!

=][=

Personally my wife is intelligent, pretty, mature and eight years younger than me. Thank god she has such poor taste or she wouldn't have gone out with me :)

The reality is whilst age brings most people maturity and wisdom it is quicker with those with an open mind and who experience life. Travel or meet a traveller and you will experience more of life.

[Vuk]

I would say you should be a little more accepting and try to get to know girls better before you make up your mind if their right for you or not. Because you never know sometimes you can really click with a girl even though you don't have anything in common with her and sometimes you might have more in common with someone than your originally thought.

I do try, but I think that one of the biggest problems is that living in a College town and most of the women I meet are college students. When I get to know them, I generally learn that their priorities in life do not match mine at all. I have met some who I have had a very high opinion of and was attracted to, but they all were married or had boyfriends.
Actually, the woman who I was the most attracted to (on a non-physical level) recently was a female mechanic and dirt-bike racer in her 40s who had suffered an injury to her head and lost her memory. :P I used to work with her while she was going to school to become a certified mechanic again. She was incredibly smart (after losing her memory and not being able to even recognize her children, she became more knowledgeable than most people her age in 1 1/2 years after the accident), pretty (despite never wearing make-up), hard working, very fun to be around, and very down to earth.
Unfortunately for me, it is usually women like her (much older than me) who I am attracted to, and occasionally a few women my age who are always already in a relationship. The more I get to know women my age, the more boring I generally find them. (with few exceptions, usually in a relationship already)

Just work hard and when you are middle aged you will find someone your age attractive.

Or Go Cougars!

=][=

Personally my wife is intelligent, pretty, mature and eight years younger than me. Thank god she has such poor taste or she wouldn't have gone out with me :)

The reality is whilst age brings most people maturity and wisdom it is quicker with those with an open mind and who experience life. Travel or meet a traveller and you will experience more of life.

lol, I am hoping I can find a wife before I am middle-aged. :P
As far as traveling, the most traveling I have done is my study abroad trip, as I really cannot yet afford to travel a lot. (still got lots of debt I gotta get out from under) The one time I did travel, I found that most of the other travel abroad students as a rule had way too much money to spend, were pretty self-centered with a serious sense of entitlement, and were quite disconnected from the realities of life. If that is maturity, I want no part of it.

[Peasant Phill]

Nothing wrong with being picky when it comes to potential life partnes. That being said, if you're feeling lonely why not lower your standards for a short relationship. As long the both of you are aware that it's not necesarrily a long commitment (no garantees that no feelings will get hurt however).

[TinCow]

I found that most of the other travel abroad students as a rule ... were pretty self-centered with a serious sense of entitlement

Says the guy who thinks the people he meets aren't smart enough for him. Sounds to me like you may be a bit too self-centered as well. Try not to judge everyone you meet based on your preconceived notions of what you want. No one will ever see the world the same way you do, because no one else has lived your life. Plus, you may be completely wrong about what you want. A lot of intelligent people do a lot of navel-gazing and think they know exactly what they want out of life. That is both narrow minded and obtuse. There is no such thing as a perfect match, because every person is constantly changing, even you. The person you are now is not the person you were five years ago, nor are you the person you will be five years from now. All you know is what you think you want at this exact moment, but that conception itself is based on the idea that you know what will make you happy. Yet, how can you know what will make you happy if you've never had it? Simply put, you can't, you're just guessing. Even if you found a person who met all your requirements today, that person might no longer meet your requirements several years from now, either because they have changed, you have changed, or both. The important thing is to find someone with whom you will enjoy sharing your journey through life. The point of the relationship is the journey, not the starting point. The journey is what brings people together, regardless of their differences at the start.

In short, relax. You're clearly thinking about the entire situation way too much. Go out and date people without pre-judging them. If you find you're not enjoying being around the person after a month or two, move on. If you are enjoying being around them, keep dating them until you're not. Every relationship ends except the last one.

[Ja'chyra]

I have had a few relationships in my life, including one that I was very emotionally involved in, but they were all very short. They all (save one) ended when I found out more about the woman I was with than I wanted to know. The last year or two since my last relationship I have found myself getting pretty lonely (esp since I really never felt very connected in my last two relationships) and wanting to be in a relationship again. The problem is that I just am not interested in anyone I meet. I know that sounds wrong, but every girl I meet, I have a reason not to like or be attracted too. Mostly not for any bad thing they do, but they just plain old do not interest me at all. Not intelligent, no imagination, petty, interested in things I don't care about and not interested in anything I am, etc, etc. They few women I have met who I really liked were married. (and I like the sort of girls who would not cheat on their husbands, nor would I want to have a relationship with a married woman)

And it seems that after every relationship I am in, I am less and less attracted to people I meet. Honestly, 99% of the women I meet come off to me as either intellectually or ethically not up to the standard of what I would want in a wife. Am I just setting my standards too high? I am pretty flexible with a woman's appearance as long as she is the type I can respect and be attracted too, or who can at least intrigue me. The problem is that while I've met a lot of physically attractive and sexy women, all the women I meet are so bland in every other way that they really don't interest me.
They few women I have met who have attracted me on a level beyond that of physical attraction were mostly middle-aged (well beyond my age range) and mostly married. Aren't there any good, young women out there who care for more than petty things and are decently intelligent? Even the intelligent ones I meet seem to care only about the pettiest of things!

Do I lower my standards and get stuck with someone I cannot respect and like, or do I just keep looking potentially till I am middle-aged? Am I just a snob, or are most people today just not that attractive? (and I don't mean in a physical sense)

tl;dr

But, maybe you're gay, or, maybe you need to chill and let it happen.

Cue the clichés, a watched pot never boils, plenty more fish in the sea, I think that's about enough.....

Maybe you should just chillax (I hate that saying), I've always found the best people to be around are the people you like (that's deep man ) and you can't tell that from a drunken night in the pub............

[Hax]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Vuk, talk about drinking, not about marriage. Because!


If you marry a good-looking girl, everyone will try to steal her away from you.
And if you marry an ugly girl, you'll have to live your life with her.
And if you marry a poor girl, you'll have to work your entire life
And if you marry a rich girl, you'll get in all kinds of trouble, she'll say things like; "You good-for-nothing, you've wasted all your money"


So let's talk about drinking, not about marriage.

[Rhyfelwyr]

Maybe you are over-thinking things on what you want in a girlfriend?

I would agree that you would want them to share some core values with you. But I wouldn't worry about being too similar personality wise or having the same interests etc.

Of course that is (probably) just a personal opinion, if you have had a few relationships you probably have some idea of what you want.

While the above all sounds pretty indecisive, one piece of advice I will give it to not just leave it it just now and hope things get better when you get older or leave the college environment. Because they don't. I swear until recently I did not believe attractive girls my age existed until I saw a couple out and about but they seem to be a missing demographic wherever I am.