Oh wow, yet another relationship thread!

[Hooahguy]

Wow, I cant believe that Im actually making a relationship thread. What has this world come to?

Alright so the story starts in freshman year of highschool, something like 5 years ago, if my math is correct.
I went into the year having a crush on this one girl, but the crush subsided halfway through the year.

In the second semester of the year I befriended another girl and we became pretty good friends. I ended up asking her to our schools awards banquet (closest thing we had to prom) and she said yes. We became a bit closer and I found that I really liked her. So I asked her out for real over the summer, and she said no. Our friendship foundered for sophomore year, but it picked up again in Junior year since we were in band elective together (she played bass, I played guitar). Though roughly 3 months into the year she entered a relationship with another guy. I used to be good friends with this guy but for some reason he made it his mission to disrupt any conversations I was having with this girl, no matter how innocent they were. So that ruined my relationship with her first boyfriend. They broke up two months later for reasons neither of them will say.

She entered another relationship with some guy from a different state in the summer after junior year. It was long distance, so he wasnt there to break up our conversations, so that was good.
Being a supportive friend, I let this guy stay at my house when he came to visit during winter break of senior year. Besides being an to me he didnt even have the courtesy to say thank you to my family when he left. I probably should have known since all her friends who have met her boyfriend told me that he was a jerk.
Anyhow, I didnt want to tell her how everyone thinks her boyfriend is a real jerk since I didnt want to ruin my friendship with her. So we kept talking and texting and enjoying each other's company for the rest of the year. We've become quite close friends since then, and we've come to each other with problems before.

So now we get to this year. So we are both in Israel. We still talk, mostly on the phone now because texting is really expensive. Though over the course of all this, Ive begun to have serious feelings for this girl. She probably has figured out by now but hasnt said anything since she figures that I wont make a move since she has a boyfriend. And shes right, to a point.
We see each other pretty regularly and we talk and hang out, though the one thing that is puzzling me the most right now is the way she hugs me when we see each other: she hugs me the same way she hugs her boyfriend. Now, with every other guy she either doesnt hug or hugs in that neutral way that girls have for their guy friends that they are only friends with. So clearly Im somewhat special to her.

So Im pretty torn right now. On one hand, I respect her enough to not want to interfere with her relationship, even if the guy is an . But she seems pretty happy, and I know that I should be happy for her.
On the other hand, Im pretty sure Im in love. I have never felt so strongly about any girl before in my almost 20 years of existence. Ive tried to put her out of my mind because I know she is in a relationship, but to no avail, I cant stop thinking about her.

So I have no idea what to do. Im telling myself to wait a year, see what happens. Also I dont know if I will still love her after a year. Maybe I will, maybe I wont. And for all I know, in college they might break up (they are going to the same college) and Ill have my chance then, but I know that holding myself down cant be good for me.

[InsaneApache]

I'm not allowed to have a relationship with girls. The wife said so.

[rajpoot]

I've heard about saying it all with the eyes but.....saying it all with a hug?
Might you be reading too much in the hug?

[Monk]

Every relationship thread ever made on this forum consists of the OP overthinking and over analyzing things. Either with themselves or with how someone interacts with them. Listen because I'm only going to say this once:

1. Stop over thinking everything.
2. Decide what you honestly want.
3. Confront the target of your affection with your feelings.
4. Accept what comes of it even if its a friendzone.

Failure to adhere to those principles leads to misery.

Thats it. That's it. Apply this logic to every relationship problem you have and you will be a happier person.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

and stop overthinking things. Jesus christ.

[Husar]

I've heard about saying it all with the eyes but.....saying it all with a hug?
Might you be reading too much in the hug?

There was a hug once, a memorable, strong hug, few years later they got married and still are.

As for the problem, uhm, it's up to her to realize that her boyfriend is a jerk, isn't it?
Surely there may be a chance for you to get her, but then you'll always have to be afraid that one day she will hug another guy like she hugs you and then you will feel a strong urge to kill him in order to protect your possession and......*ahem*, drifting away a bit, but I personally find it problematic, it's a problem I've had before.
On one hand you want her, on the other hand, do you really want a girl who switches boyfriends easily? It helps that he is a jerk, but then she should leave him for being a jerk, not because you convinced her to prefer you over him or so. Given that you aren't looking for a one-night-stand or similarly short-lived relationship of course. It may just be that she likes jerks anyway, because jerks can protect her etc.

There may be ways to get more info by making hints during conversation, then see how she reacts.

Or do what Monk says but then again you already did that.

[rajpoot]

1. Stop over thinking everything mission.
2. Decide what you whether you can honestly want accomplish it.
3. Confront the target of your affection mission with your feelings gun.
4. Accept what comes of it even if its a friendzone death.

Failure to adhere to those principles leads to misery a court martial.

Thats it. That's it. Apply this logic to every relationship problem mission you have and you will be a happier person successful soldier.

Twiddle with a few words and you have an army mission guide instead of a relationship guide.

Edit:
Also prove how alike love and war are.

[Monk]

There was a hug once, a memorable, strong hug, few years later they got married and still are.

Ever since the invention of the kiss.. there have been five kisses, that ranked all time as the most passionate kisses. This one blew them all out of the water..

Or do what Monk says but then again you already did that.

Honestly i don't think he did. It sounds like he tried, but has ended up seriously violating my first and fourth points. Not only seriously overthinking the situation but not accepting whats obviously happened. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you landed squarely in the friendzone Hooah, and if thats the case you're pretty much stuck there. Sorry bud, I don't make the rules, but that's been my experience.

Being honest about how you feel is a good idea and just getting it off your chest will do a lot for your mental state no matter what she says. But you should accept whatever happens, for better or worse. And i don't mean going along with it, accept it. You cannot change the reality of people's desires or wants, you can only accept them or refuse to accept them. The first option leads you to being a more stable and happier individual, the later only brings misery and hurt feelings.

[Tuuvi]

As for the problem, uhm, it's up to her to realize that her boyfriend is a jerk, isn't it?
Surely there may be a chance for you to get her, but then you'll always have to be afraid that one day she will hug another guy like she hugs you and then you will feel a strong urge to kill him in order to protect your possession and......*ahem*, drifting away a bit, but I personally find it problematic, it's a problem I've had before.
On one hand you want her, on the other hand, do you really want a girl who switches boyfriends easily? It helps that he is a jerk, but then she should leave him for being a jerk, not because you convinced her to prefer you over him or so. Given that you aren't looking for a one-night-stand or similarly short-lived relationship of course. It may just be that she likes jerks anyway, because jerks can protect her etc.

I don't think it's fair to judge someone for going through a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends while still in high school, most people at that age don't know what they want yet and don't have the skills and maturity for a long term relationship.


Hooahguy, I think Monk makes a good point about over-analyzing the situation. But, I do think it's possible for people to change their minds, especially when it's been a few years. So don't lose hope, but you definitely shouldn't make a move at this point either. You're lucky to have a close friendship with a girl that's special to you, so just enjoy what you have, and be patient and see how things play out in the long run. In the meantime, date other girls. That will help you get your mind off her and you might even find someone else you want to start a relationship with.

[Hooahguy]

Fair charges, I dont deny them. The girl herself has told me (though not in the relationship context) that I overthink things, and I know I do. Overthinking comes from being bored, which I am often here.
As I said, Im going to give it a year. See what happens.

[Monk]

As I said, Im going to give it a year. See what happens.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

[Husar]

I don't think it's fair to judge someone for going through a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends while still in high school, most people at that age don't know what they want yet and don't have the skills and maturity for a long term relationship.

That's not the point. People can switch as often as they want, no matter how old they are. But when I know that and am looking for a long-term relationship myself, they don't have much of a chance with me.

Doesn't necessarily mean that I dislike them.

[Rhyfelwyr]

hooah, I would just get over her, because it sounds like you're torturing yourself. And do not keep being friends with her just to "see what happens". If you can't get over her, either break off the friendship or really reduce the amount of time you are in contact with her.

This reminds me of my old girl thread about a girl at Uni. Thank the good Lord that when she said she had a boyfriend and that we could meet up as friends, I said no.

[Tuuvi]

That's not the point. People can switch as often as they want, no matter how old they are. But when I know that and am looking for a long-term relationship myself, they don't have much of a chance with me.

Doesn't necessarily mean that I dislike them.

I'm sorry what I really meant is that just because someone switches a lot when they are still in high school, doesn't mean they're going to switch on you when they're older and more mature.

[PanzerJaeger]

Do not get into a relationship in your senior year of high school. That's when you should be breaking up with you high school girlfriend in anticipation of college. Your life will change dramatically.

[Strike For The South]

jerk off

reasses the situation

[naut]

tl;dr. But...

1. Stop over thinking everything.

This. Anxiety kicks in after 3-5 seconds. Make your approach within this time, otherwise I guarantee you won't get anywhere.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Do not get into a relationship in your senior year of high school. That's when you should be breaking up with you high school girlfriend in anticipation of college. Your life will change dramatically.

I was going to disagree with this, but then I realized I am an outlier to this rule so I shouldn't advocate Hooah to ignore it.

[Monk]

Twiddle with a few words and you have an army mission guide instead of a relationship guide.

Edit:
Also prove how alike love and war are.

Well you know, love is a battlefield

[The Stranger]

I'm not allowed to have a relationship with girls. The wife said so.

damn she mustve read the same book as mine...

[Sigurd]

I want to hear more about the hug...
Did she grab your buttock?

There was a hug once, a memorable, strong hug, few years later they got married and still are.

[The Stranger]

Sigurd, did you ever hear of the Bearhug?

*tap, tap, tap*

[Sigurd]

Sigurd, did you ever hear of the Bearhug?

*tap, tap, tap*

A bear-hug around these parts, will leave a physical mutilated corpse. It is basically the act of squeezing the life out of a person.

[The Stranger]

You cannot marry a corpse in your country? How barbaric and wayward... you must still be living in the stone age.

[Sigurd]

Enough of this... I want to know how girls hugs their boyfriend over there. Any rump action?

[rajpoot]

Do girls actually do that?
I thought only guys were supposed to squeeze stuff.

[Hooahguy]

I want to hear more about the hug...

Well, you asked, I shall deliver...

Arms around my neck kind of hug. Every time she hugs another person other than me and her bf, its the neutral "arms under the guys arms as if she was preparing to jab with them" kind of hug.
And no, no buttocks action.

[rajpoot]

Not to burst your bubble of hope but that sounds like a small sister hug to me.

Edit:
Now I realise this is from a TV show, but this what sprung to my mind first, when I read you post. I don't know why...maybe I'm getting too involved in the GoT game.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGjyTjI6EWI

The video tag seems to acting weird....

[Hooahguy]

Well its the same kind of hug that she gives her bf, so who am I to judge?

[The Stranger]

so perhaps she sees you as bf2?

[Peasant Phill]

The spare/ the reserve/ the back-up/...

I'm not helping, am I?