Yeah the Mongols are pretty tough. The only way to beat them if you are an eastern power is to spend the entire game prepping for them. Building levy boosting buldings and doing everything you can to raise retinue and levy caps. Strong kings with high diplomacy or Stewardship are a must, as are alliances with other great powers.
I went face to face with the mongols in a Ryazan -> Rus game where I spent from 1066 to 1230 preparing for the golden horde. The best defense I found was getting my dynasty onto the thrones of nearby kingdoms like Hungary and Denmark, while at the same time expanding my power base through the steppes.
It can be rough if you're on the north east because mst of those provinces, quite frankly, suck. You have to put thousands of gold into making them worthwhile, and even then, you still wont be on equal footing without hefty alliances.
Battle tactics revolve around drawing the mongols into a fight on rough terrain with everything you have. Every mercenary company you can hire, every alliance you can call and every last levy and retinue you got. The Old tactic used to be to split your army into three and string them across three provinces, each able to support one another. Then, draw the mongols in with a deceptively weak center, then move in quick to reinforce from both sides when they engage.
Unfortunately the Mongol AI has gotten 'smarter' in that it now moves around in a giant doomstack and obliterates anything that moves. Countering that monster is almost impossible on your own, alliances, huge treasuries and income (for mercenaries) and a ton of prep work is really the only way to defy the mongols in their current balance. Should you fail, huge crusades or the passage of time will be the downfall of the mongols.
Eventually their stacks almost
always get worn down as seeing the golden horde go on a world conquest is much rarer these days than it used to be. However, whether you will be around to see it is another story. Especially if you enjoy playing on the eastern map like I do!
This is a very small reason I am looking forward to The Old Gods. An extra 200 years to prep for the mongols.

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