Quote Originally Posted by Rhyfhylwyr View Post
So to sum that up... you refuse to change anything, you don't believe anything ever will change, and you are asking why you should worry about that?

Well, first off, you obviously are worried about it. You said yourself it's not good that you've been e-stalking her. The whole point of this thread is that you are feeling hurt. And by who? A girl that you last seen four years ago? That you didn't even have an intimate relationship with?

So what do you want from this thread? Were you just looking for a bit of sympathy, and for us to accept that at 25 years old you're obviously going to spend the rest of your life alone?
When did you get so grown up - no don't answer that, I don't want to know.

I'll answer the most pointed question first - why did I start this thread.

I started this thread mostly as a distraction, in the short term I needed to express something and get way from that facebook post. In this case, looking back at the mistakes I made then helps to give me perspective on current impulses. The fact the current impulses aren't healthy is another issue.

I tend to keep memories, it's a talent - I don't have many keepsakes or photographs because I don't need them. The downside to this is I'm stuck with the good things as well as the bad.

As I said, I was e-stalking her, the impulse went away once I realised she had a boyfriend, occasionally stuff comes up on the news feed and today it was a picture of her with a ring, a great big sodding one.

Oh, I am in much better humour now, btw.

Because that idea is, well... crazy. You're a sensible guy and I think on some level you know that and you're just a bit emotional right now.
Normally I'd take issue with this on a philosophical level, because there's nothing that says just because most people strive for a family life etc. I can't be selibate because I don't feel equipped for that, but it doesn't really matter for the case in hand.

I'm not going to compare it to being Gay or anything like that, that would not only be tawdry but innacurate. Even so, you're still making a big assumption in assuming a relationship will make me happy.

I know you want advice on this specific case and this specific girl. Like yourself if I made a thread like this I would be frustrated if people focused on telling me how to feel better rather than giving me advice on the actual girl. But that's just because we wouldn't want to accept that she is with someone else and most likely for the long-term. So the best thing you can do really is to a) take you mind of her and b) get your mind focusing on other girls. Those two complement each other.
The urge to murder him when I travel up to [blank] where they are in a couple of weeks has passed thanks, as has the urge to offer congratulations. See, but I know where she is because of mutual friends not e-stalking.

Your perspective is "why bother" because you are so upset you can't have this girl. But that perspective is simply wrong. Even if emotionally speaking that is how you feel, I think the more rational part of you knows that it is wrong and that you just need to get over her.
Well, to be fair, my outlook vacilitates between "why bother" and something slightly more hopeful, but mostly "why bother" - last woman I expressed an interest in made it quite clear she was not going to deal with another Christian amn, thank you very much - so we are just friends.

This particular girl though, there's nothing to get over in the traditional sense. Yes, there was a relationship, officially non-sexual, but not exactly simple either - I got over that, I got over not having her to talk to, though I haven't found an equally sympathetic ear in the last four years, I got over the fact I'll never be able to sleep with her, that was hard because she has/had great legs. Despite all this, I can honestly say I was never actually in love with her - there was a point I thought I was, but I was infact confusing two different emotions and a seperate base attraction.

There's the other stuff though, that isn't going any where.

The sympathetic view I have of people, my tendancy to give people the benefit of the doubt, about 50% of my particular mix of Christianity, the "Christian" bit with the feelings in it... There's my sunny outlook on life, by comparisons, I used to be, "lets join the army and get killed as soon as possible to get it over with."

This isn't about some girl I used ot have a thing for, not really, it's about a friendship I broke with someone who supported me through a very dark period of my life and helped to make me, in many ways, a better and generally happier and peaceful person.

If you want a question to answer, it should be this:

How do you deal with not having someone in your life you honestly thought would always be there? I mean, this isn't about the girl I thought I'd marry, this is about the girl I thought would be talking me down when I got cold feet on the wedding day. Yes, I realise I haven't exactly described it like that, but it wasn't a static relationship, the bad bits just drowned out the good bits despite mostoly being fewer and further between.

That's a much harder thing to cope with., in many way.

You know, even this post can remind me of her, she labled me an "accute self analyst", not that it did me more good then than now.

For a purely short-term way to take your mind off her, do something. Preferably something that will give you an endorphin rush. Pick up a barbell. Go out on a Friday night and see the pubs/clubs. If you're not into that already, you might shock yourself by finding you enjoy it and comfortable in that environment (me being an example of that). Batter an Englishman for flying the St. George's Cross in the Cornish Free State. idk, just do something other that sitting looking at this girl's facebook.
The best short term cure would be for me to go out, get roaring drunk and find a pretty girl a few years younger then myself and seduce her. Not sure how that would pan out in the long term, but it would work in the short term.