So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

[Strike For The South]

You seemed to have resigned yourself to the situation. I'm not going to try and armchair diagnos you but I will say that when you have multiple examples of you making girls (whom you don't even have sex with) cry it is most likely your fault.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

You seemed to have resigned yourself to the situation. I'm not going to try and armchair diagnos you but I will say that when you have multiple examples of you making girls (whom you don't even have sex with) cry it is most likely your fault.

You are getting no arguments here - I would say the breakdown of this particular relationship, I use the word generally, was about 75% my fault if not more. The other 25% would be happenstance and me knowing she was lying to me for no apparent reason. I called time, or rather called a break and she rebuffed me later when I approached her, on the basis that we were hurting each other more than anything else.

As I say, that was mutually agreed - but what you may have gathered is I'm bad with other people's emotions, with reading them and understanding them. I know what love, fear, pain, hate, feel like but I don't know when I'm going to make someone else feel like that except by trial and error.

The second girl has issues of her own, I'm calling that one 50/50.

I can't read other people's emotions and I can't express them naturally, so with this particular girl not only did I badly misjudge situations and upset her (for the record, I must have done as much bawling) but I couldn't communicate convincingly.

Ah right, that was why she didn't trust me - she thought I was fake. I blocked that out, that bit hurt.

[Rhyfelwyr]

I can't read other people's emotions and I can't express them naturally

Yeah you're male.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

what do you wish to achieve with this thread?

I'm venting - cus you guyz is me broz, innit?

Yeah you're male.

Yeah, by those lights I'm Ubermale - seriously.

[rory_20_uk]

Are you on the Autistic spectrum? I know we all are to a greater or lesser degree, but are you further along than most?

[The Stranger]

I'm venting - cus you guyz is me broz, innit?

allright if thats it :P i think this belongs in the frontroom with all the other girlthreads

[Strike For The South]

Autism? Aspergers? I know all of us think we are just one doctors diagnoses away from making all of our problems go away but that isn't the case.

People are going to let you down, you are going to let people down. The key is not to lose faith or shut down when this happens. People, all of us are imperfect creatures.

I think you are upset becuase you cared for this woman. I think you are upset becuase you look back in 20/20 hindsight and go over in painstaking detail the mistakes you made. Of course, it seems like now there must be something wrong with you becuase only an idiot would make those mistakes.

I don't think you have some undiagnosed illness. I think you're painfully human. I think you were brought up in the same Nothern European culture the majority of us were and you are conflating these intense feelings with something being wrong.

Pretty girls break your heart bro. Go out have a pint and move on

[rajpoot]

When you said "what's the protocol" I thought you wanted advice on how to go about congratulating her on the wedding.

If you don't want to do anything, do this.

Go out have a pint and move on

Then maybe have a few more and buy a pet.

[Kralizec]

This is a bit of a surprise for me, but I think I can empathize with your feelings about this situation. (and I don't like to talk about personal feelings on the internet either, or even in real life for that matter)

My advice would be to simply wish her well with her marriage, in a polite manner that is - leaving a message on facebook is not going to cut it, so send a card or something like that.
She doesn't want you- at least, that's what you're writing here. If you have any grievances about what happened between the two of you, abandon them and let her go. If you're not able to be "just friends" with her, then don't- simply wish her well, show up at the wedding if invited and then move on without keeping in touch.

I'm not the best person for general girl advice; but I'll say this: the first girl that truly broke my heart was a fellow student who did not return my affections in the slightest. In fact, looking back I'm pretty sure that I freaked her out more than once when I tried to approach her under the guise of just making conversation (it must have been pretty transparant). I got frustrated, depressed at some point and held a long, long grudge. Eventually I managed to to mentally put that aside, because it was at the time easy to avoid her anyway. A year later however, we shared several classes and we'd run into eachother on a regular basis. Sometimes she would approach me for the obligatory "so, how have you been" kind of talk - in which case I did chat with her, but I never approached her myself again.
The point is that allthough I've been with other women since, the memory of that particular girl never really left me, and thinking back about the whole thing gives me a glimpse of the frustration and anger I felt back then. I have no idea what's she doing for a job right now or if she has a boyfriend or spouse; but if I knew right now that I had a realistic chance of being with her, I'd pursue it. But even if there ever was that chance, that ship sailed away long ago - so I don't think about her, and I'm better off for it. And she is, too.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

This is a bit of a surprise for me, but I think I can empathize with your feelings about this situation. (and I don't like to talk about personal feelings on the internet either, or even in real life for that matter)

My advice would be to simply wish her well with her marriage, in a polite manner that is - leaving a message on facebook is not going to cut it, so send a card or something like that.
She doesn't want you- at least, that's what you're writing here. If you have any grievances about what happened between the two of you, abandon them and let her go. If you're not able to be "just friends" with her, then don't- simply wish her well, show up at the wedding if invited and then move on without keeping in touch.

I'm not the best person for general girl advice; but I'll say this: the first girl that truly broke my heart was a fellow student who did not return my affections in the slightest. In fact, looking back I'm pretty sure that I freaked her out more than once when I tried to approach her under the guise of just making conversation (it must have been pretty transparant). I got frustrated, depressed at some point and held a long, long grudge. Eventually I managed to to mentally put that aside, because it was at the time easy to avoid her anyway. A year later however, we shared several classes and we'd run into eachother on a regular basis. Sometimes she would approach me for the obligatory "so, how have you been" kind of talk - in which case I did chat with her, but I never approached her myself again.
The point is that allthough I've been with other women since, the memory of that particular girl never really left me, and thinking back about the whole thing gives me a glimpse of the frustration and anger I felt back then. I have no idea what's she doing for a job right now or if she has a boyfriend or spouse; but if I knew right now that I had a realistic chance of being with her, I'd pursue it. But even if there ever was that chance, that ship sailed away long ago - so I don't think about her, and I'm better off for it. And she is, too.

Thank you for sharing.

I find it odd that everybody is so surprised, I supposed that everyone assumed I had sworn off women for a reason, it comes up often enough in my posts. I'm even more surprised that people seem to think contacting her is a good idea, so I'll just say it isn't.

Of course, if you guys didn't think I had some deep personnal Christological-related trauma driving me, what did you think it was?