What to do when attraction runs dry...

[PanzerJaeger]

No kids, thankfully. And yes, I should not have started a thread with so little time to post in it at the moment.

But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?

You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.

Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.

[Fragony]

Keep him for his better qualities and cheat for fun

[stratigos vasilios]

Pj, mate I'm sure everyone feels like that at certain points in time. I've been with the missus since I was pretty young, but sometimes I do feel not as attracted to her as when I first met her (and I'm sure she feels the same towards me every now and then). Might just come and go in waves?

[The Stranger]

Keep him for his better qualities and cheat for fun

whats with the him? :O he never said he or him :O


but ye whats the point of being together if you cant be honest right?

[Fragony]

whats with the him? :O he never said he or him :O


but ye whats the point of being together if you cant be honest right?

That happened on accident I must say, but I don't think our Panzer is interested in girls it's just a feeling I get

[Peasant Phill]

But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?

You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.

Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.

Time to spread some wisdom gained through my own mistakes and misfortune:

I've been in a 12 year relationship until just over a year ago. Bought a house together. Even tried for a kid at one point. But it was NOT a good relationship. We were good friends. We hade our injokes and we really had a lot of fun. BUT it appeared that she wasn't sexually attracted to me, perhaps from the very beginning. She just had sex with me out of a sort feeling of obligation towards me. I can tell you I walked around pretty frustrated at times and we had a big fight about it every so often.

At the end of the relationship I just didn't cared at all for her. She almost disgusted me fysically (she put on a lot of weight since the beginning) and we basically had our own lives most of the time. I never argued anymore, it just didn't matter to me. She mercifully ended the relationsghip. I don't think I would have done it even if (looking back) I really had nothing with her except a share past.

At the moment I'm together with someone else. The relationship is totally different and I have and had feelings I never had before. It's so much better than what I ever had. And I would've never experienced it if I had stayed my former girlfriend.

You may say that there are far more important things in your relationship than sex but I'm sure you can admit that it's still a significant part. That part fester if you leave you leave it at that. Either you or him/her will grow frustrated and it may eat away at what may be a almost perfect relationship on other fronts. SO please talk about it with him/her. Do it tactfully but directly. But don't leave it alone.

[Strike For The South]

No kids, thankfully. And yes, I should not have started a thread with so little time to post in it at the moment.

But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?

You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.

Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.

Better now than in 10 years when you have 1 bank account and 2 kids.

If you think this is beyond reconciliation, end it now. Do not drag it out becuase of some abstract sense of personal honor

[a completely inoffensive name]

Delete your facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up.

[Prussian to the Iron]

Delete your facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up.

Ah, the wise words of ACIN repeated again. I have that quote on my facebook, with you credited.

I believe we ALL know I'm no relationship expert...but for me, though a functional relationship comes first, sex is very important. In fact it's usually the primary thing that I do. And I can have some leeway, but in the end, not being attracted to someone just isn't fair for either of you; for them, they may have caused it, but it still isn't fair to be just accepted rather than embraced as a partner. For you, obviously it's not fair to be stuck with someone you aren't attracted to and feel required to carry on. The way I see it, if it doesn't come back or if they continue to get larger and your attraction to them falls lower, it won't ever recover to what it once was, and ultimately won't work out in the long run. Better to end it now and start looking for someone who can satisfy your needs than drag it out with this person.

[The Stranger]

lol... your post is so hilarious! the tact :D