What to do when attraction runs dry...

[Peasant Phill]

But yeah, how can you say "You've done everything right and I really care about you, but sex is a chore and I'm constantly thinking about other people"; or even, "you've gained some weight and you don't keep yourself up anymore and I don't find you attractive"?

You can't, or at least I can't. So I won't. It's arrogant and awful and says a lot about my own personality faults, but it is how I feel. I mean, I work out and try to look my best, but I'm no 10, so I have no place to be judgemental - but I cannot control attraction.

Obviously the relationship and keeping this person in my life is worth so much more than sex, but sometimes I feel like I'm way too young to be this bored.

Time to spread some wisdom gained through my own mistakes and misfortune:

I've been in a 12 year relationship until just over a year ago. Bought a house together. Even tried for a kid at one point. But it was NOT a good relationship. We were good friends. We hade our injokes and we really had a lot of fun. BUT it appeared that she wasn't sexually attracted to me, perhaps from the very beginning. She just had sex with me out of a sort feeling of obligation towards me. I can tell you I walked around pretty frustrated at times and we had a big fight about it every so often.

At the end of the relationship I just didn't cared at all for her. She almost disgusted me fysically (she put on a lot of weight since the beginning) and we basically had our own lives most of the time. I never argued anymore, it just didn't matter to me. She mercifully ended the relationsghip. I don't think I would have done it even if (looking back) I really had nothing with her except a share past.

At the moment I'm together with someone else. The relationship is totally different and I have and had feelings I never had before. It's so much better than what I ever had. And I would've never experienced it if I had stayed my former girlfriend.

You may say that there are far more important things in your relationship than sex but I'm sure you can admit that it's still a significant part. That part fester if you leave you leave it at that. Either you or him/her will grow frustrated and it may eat away at what may be a almost perfect relationship on other fronts. SO please talk about it with him/her. Do it tactfully but directly. But don't leave it alone.