Offspring

[Kadagar_AV]

I posted this article in News Of The Weird...

But it gave food for thought, and I wanted to highlight a part of it.

How important is it for you, that your offspring look somewhat like you?

I was startled a couple of years ago when I was together with an asian girl. A girl asked me; "Do you really want asian looking kids?"

I was absolutely dumbfounded by the question. It hit me hard. When I thought about it, I always envisioned my kids to look somewhat like me. So yeah, I would very much prefer the future mother of my children to at least be of the same vague race.

This is what my gut tells me is right, but I cant defend the position intellectually. In fact I find myself wrestling with it.

Same goes for adoptions. I can not, ever, see myself adopting a kid. It wouldn't be MY kid, so why would I invest all my love and efforts into it? I want me to do it, but I honestly can't say I would.

Lately this view of mine has got me in trouble with my family. My sister got together with a guy who had two kids since before. She now has a kid with him. I see that kid as part of my family, but not the other kids. I have no bloodline with them what so ever.

So I offer to help my sisters kid with his skiing, but I don't extend the favour to the two other kids. This caused an emotional uproar in that family, and I felt like an absolute ****. But hey, at the end of the day, I have to stick to my beliefs.

Yes I do care about my sisters son because it is my sisters son.

No I don't care about these two other kids she has made part of her family, as they are no family of mine.

Don't get me wrong, if I happen to have a day off I would of course help them to ski.

But with HER son I would make sure I had time, and also sort all equipment and everything else around it. IfYouGetIt...

Am I alone feeling this way?

[rvg]

Am I alone feeling this way?

Hardly. Blood matters. Before I became a father it didn't hit me just how much it matters. To put it simply, my daughter is one of the two people on this entire planet for whose sake I would kill and die without hesitation.

[Strike For The South]

If you spent half as much time worrying about the inside of your child as you did the outside, you might make a half decent father.

People who care about "blood" generally grew up in a house with stable "blood"

As an adopted child, I will probably end up adopting children, blood be damned

[Kadagar_AV]

If you spent half as much time worrying about the inside of your child as you did the outside, you might make a half decent father.

People who care about "blood" generally grew up in a house with stable "blood"

As an adopted child, I will probably end up adopting children, blood be damned

I don't know if your theory is correct. I grew up with a half-brother and half-sister on my mothers side, I was my dads only child (possibly...?)

I think that it was my fathers death, more than anything else, that made me more centered about who is family and not. Having to share the grief and his assets with "siblings" who had a whole other view of him and relationship to him than I had, was very painful.

After that, I realized that nothing can make up for the natural bond between parents and their children. SFTS, I hope you dont get offended being an adoptee. I understand that it's sensitive to you, but I have to be honest.

[Strike For The South]

Clearly it something that is highly colored by perception.

But blood is only as special or as important as you make it

[Kadagar_AV]

Clearly it something that is highly colored by perception.

But blood is only as special or as important as you make it

Euhm... Yes and no...

With "blood" I of course talk about DNA, genetics and so on... And there I would have to argue against you. Genetics DOES matter. I for one could never be the best soccer player in the world, ever. My mum and dad just didn't give me that ability.

They gave me kick *** balance though, so skiing is a breeze :)

So again, genetics does matter. The carte blanche doesn't exist, do you really claim otherwise?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

I posted this article in News Of The Weird...

But it gave food for thought, and I wanted to highlight a part of it.

How important is it for you, that your offspring look somewhat like you?

I was startled a couple of years ago when I was together with an asian girl. A girl asked me; "Do you really want asian looking kids?"

I was absolutely dumbfounded by the question. It hit me hard. When I thought about it, I always envisioned my kids to look somewhat like me. So yeah, I would very much prefer the future mother of my children to at least be of the same vague race.

This is what my gut tells me is right, but I cant defend the position intellectually. In fact I find myself wrestling with it.

Same goes for adoptions. I can not, ever, see myself adopting a kid. It wouldn't be MY kid, so why would I invest all my love and efforts into it? I want me to do it, but I honestly can't say I would.

Lately this view of mine has got me in trouble with my family. My sister got together with a guy who had two kids since before. She now has a kid with him. I see that kid as part of my family, but not the other kids. I have no bloodline with them what so ever.

So I offer to help my sisters kid with his skiing, but I don't extend the favour to the two other kids. This caused an emotional uproar in that family, and I felt like an absolute ****. But hey, at the end of the day, I have to stick to my beliefs.

Yes I do care about my sisters son because it is my sisters son.

No I don't care about these two other kids she has made part of her family, as they are no family of mine.

Don't get me wrong, if I happen to have a day off I would of course help them to ski.

But with HER son I would make sure I had time, and also sort all equipment and everything else around it. IfYouGetIt...

Am I alone feeling this way?

OK - first off, you are a normal man.

Blood matters, no doubt.

Having said that, it isn't everything. Step-siblings are actually really tricky because they aren't something you or your parent chose, they're part of a package deal when two people with children get together.

Adoption is a lot simpler, really, when you choose to adopt a child you are making a commitment to that child which is of the same value as the one you make to your bloodkin, and your bloodkin had better well fall in line behind that or they aren't worth having.

How I think this relates to your situation and what my advice is - if your sister has adopted these other two children then she has given them equal status to her own child and you should respect that and do the same. If she hasn't then I don't think you have any special obligations. Take the children as you find them, if you like them then extend them whatever support you deem appropriate.

After all, supporting your sister's step children won't harm her son, will it?

As far as the future speculative mother of my children - the last girl I had a thing for (not the one I made a thread about) had roughly the same Anglo-Scandinavian-Welsh background I do. Her eyes have more gold in than mine, her hair is a few shades lighter and her cheeks are rosier, but yeah, we look like we're the same tribe.