Offspring

[Kadagar_AV]

99.999% is not enough for you?

Now you are grasping at straws... No, I do most def not feel as connected to asian kid as I would my own kid, just because we share human DNA. You would, or what was your point?

You are the instructor and I can't say what is norm. But I didn't start my career until I had finished devloping my motory skills and was able to ski on my own. That was the philosophy of the generation of my parents and produced great skiiers like Lasse Kjus and Kjetil Andre Åmot. Then it was all about letting the child keep balance on their own and use no aids.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I went up against Lasse when young. We were about the same height, weight and age.
Since I am from the west, we tend to be more focused on freestyle, and I did train with the national freestyle team when in highschool, but I was a bit heavier than the average freestyler and preffered downhill. No one dared to take me on amongst the people I socialized with then. The Navy took me out of active training and I am kinda inactive these days, being a casual skiier... taking a few breaking turns when the ski partol is around

Those both were the generation above me, so we probably haven't met on the slopes then.

Basically, if you can walk you can ski. We have equipment we use today we didn't have when you were young, and we also teach more developed techniques..

Don't get me wrong, a 2,5 yo is by no means optimal, for group lessons I would say 4 yo minimally. But now we talk about a kid having a dedicated personal instructor with a safety harness and skies you can't cross. Kids that small have no weight, so controlling them on a elastic leash is no problem what so ever.

They wont learn short turns anytime soon of course, the main reason I'd take kids that young is that skiing should be something they "just do", it shouldnt be something they "learnt". You basically remove all elements of fear from skiing, which in the long run will enhance their skiing progress a LOT over the years :)

So we who are into skiing doesnt start our kids young to enhance their technique short term, the training is directed towards eleminating fear and making skiing a natural mean of movement rather than something "special you occasionally do".

My dad was a ski instructor, and he changed diapers on me up on the glaciers.

[Beskar]

Tiaexz , You talk about how adoptees become part of the family, before going on how the other family members grew cold and distant to you... Wouldn't that strengthen my point?

No, it doesn't strengthen your point, it weakens it immensely. Because the fact that the child in this case (me) loved non-blood family members as much as my blood ones. It was only those who focused on that point who grew cold, but those close to me still retained their bonds.

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think it will be an issue, so you see it as an issue.

Also, since you now provided information, the children live with their mother. You can feel safe not seeing them as part of your family as they are not involved with your family. If the children were living with your sister, it is an entirely different point.

I did get along with my step-mothers family, but it was nice gestures and hellos. You don't need to go "out" of your way for them, but it might be nice to be at least pleasant towards them.

[ajaxfetish]

Ajaxfetish, as someone mentioned, I think the kids can read insincerity. Also, when I take on a child and make it my family, it means I would do ANYTHING for this kid. I just... do... not... feel.... like doing that with these 2 others.

I'm not rude to the two other or anything, I help them and behave around them like I would with, say, the kids of a work mate that you like. I take interest in them, I can toss them a favour.... But I would not let their well being and education interfere too much with my life.

I expressed myself poorly there. I don't mean you need to try to deceive them into thinking they mean as much to you. The idea is one of equal treatment. Think of employers, who are legally allowed to despise any class of people they like, but still may not discriminate against them in hiring or treatment on the job. The same kind of principle applies.

Ajax

[Kralizec]

I think this is the key part, Kadagar. However much you feel the blood relationship matters to you, you also need to pay due attention to tact. Based on your own views, your sisters family will be all the harder to forge into a unit, since two of the kids lack a blood bond to one of the parents. If you, the extended family, are excluding them, you're weakening the part of their family bond that needs the most support. That's just rude. Deep down, you don't need to feel the same connection to them that you do to their sibling. But on the surface, you need to treat them like you do.

Ajax

This pretty much captures my thoughts on the issue. Kadagar, while your feelings are understandable, treating your biological nephew as a favourite amounts to sabotage of their new family. I wouldn't expect you to fake affection for the other two kids but you should not openly show the way you feel.

Don't take this the wrong way, but openly favoring your nephew without regard to how this looks to your sister's spouse and his kids is a little egocentric.

[Veho Nex]

My dad remarried a few years ago with a lady who had 3 kids from a previous husband. The problem with these kids is that I'm supposed to treat them like brother and sister, but 2 of them are drug addicts without a H.S. diploma and the other is a college dropout who got knocked up by some hippy who left her for a different woman.

If I knew these people in any other situation I'd look down on them. I don't see them as relatives in any sense of the word, but, I'm supposed to treat them like they are my brothers and sister.

For my other siblings I'd take a bullet for, even my half older brother who has a different dad, heck we practically look like twins. The other kids though, I wouldn't take the time to hand them a kleenex unless they specifically asked for it using my name.

[Papewaio]

Stats I provided were for couples in Australia.

=][=

KAV you do seem to be acting like a mother-in-law from hell. "No one is good enough for my family" and giving all the non related family members the cold shoulder.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

What I'm hearing is that Kadagar doesn't respect his sister's boyfriend, doesn't much like how they got together and doesn't like the guys kids.

I've gotta be honest - I'm with the gigalo here.

What's he supposed to do? By the sounds of it the older children wouldn't benefit as much from the offer anyway.

[Strike For The South]

What I'm hearing is that Kadagar doesn't respect his sister's boyfriend, doesn't much like how they got together and doesn't like the guys kids.

I've gotta be honest - I'm with the gigalo here.

What's he supposed to do? By the sounds of it the older children wouldn't benefit as much from the offer anyway.

Why?

[Papewaio]

Sins of the father?

Look at it from the kids point of view. Someone has come into their parents relationship, torn it apart, had a child with their dad and now they the children get the cold shoulder because of their dad and step mums actions.

Sounds like the kids are getting multiple punishments from adults for actions other members of their group performed. That's called prejudice.

Adults should lead the way and not punish children for another adults action. Otherwise you end up with horrible outcomes such as this: http://m.smh.com.au/world/children-b...102-28nny.html

Stepmothers in fairy tales always are portrayed as horrible. Guess what the most likely female murderer is a step mum. Either we mature as a society and treat our extended families with more humanity or we can expect horrible outcomes as the consequences.

[Kadagar_AV]

I don't think I've done a very good job explaining the situation.

My sisters boyfriends two kids live with them every other week, and with their mom every other week. The family is thus already divided, not much I can do about it.

I mean, I see my nephew (more than) twice as much as the other kids regardless.

Also, don't get me wrong. When I am there, and all the kids are around, I do my best to try and give the other kids attention too... But... they... are... so... annoying...

I just have no idea how to relate to them. They are raised so fundamentally different from myself, that my attempts at being nice often goes wrong. As an example, both my grandfathers were ranking chess players. They started me on chess from... as long as I can remember really.

They both absolutely trashed me. Repeatedly. Over and over again. It wasn't until I was like 14 and a ranking player myself that I started to even come CLOSE to having a chance, and I never beat anyone of them before they died.

So, my sisters BFs oldest (a boy) says he is really good at chess, and wants to play me. So we play, and I beat him in 4 turns. He gets shocked as he never lost against grownups before (!!??), and wants a rematch. We play again and this time instead of beating him fast I focus on eliminating his pieces while not losing my own, to drag it out and make the game last longer (and give me more challenge and some fun). When he realize he is obviously utterly beaten again, he... starts to cry. And runs to his daddy for hugs and cuddling... He was 11 at the time.

How am I supposed to work with that?

I come from a male line of race car drivers, anti-nazi freedom fighters, mountain climbers...

Their dad puts helmets on the kids before they can climb trees. Compare that to my dad finding me on the middle of a cliff side, only commenting "A child could climb that" (I was 6 at the time). LOL.

It's not like I avoid the kids, or am mean to them.

It's just that I don't want to bond with them. I have absolutely no interest in taking them in. If I visit I can sit down and play monopoly with them.

The PROBLEM is that my sisters asks stuff off me. "Oh, why don't you take [oldest son] out some day and teach him to inline?"

My honest answer would be: "Why I don't? Because he is a girlie boy with no motoric ability, and given the amount of padding I am sure he would come packaged in, I would be ashamed to be seen with him on town".

That is, of course, not what I have answered... I have said "Sure, let me get back to you..."

But that starts to wear thin. I can only get away with excuses for so many years.

GAH!!

[Strike For The South]

Sins of the father?

Look at it from the kids point of view. Someone has come into their parents relationship, torn it apart, had a child with their dad and now they the children get the cold shoulder because of their dad and step mums actions.

Sounds like the kids are getting multiple punishments for actions other members of their group performed. That's called prejudice.

Well that's just it. The kids get a raw deal. The new mommy and new daddy aren't really new mommys and new daddys.

It's a shit hand all because some people cant get over the fact these children, who did nothing wrong, didn't pop out of a familiar vagina.

Simian behavior at its worst, deemed somewhat ok in society by some archaic western standard of how to pass down property.

[Kadagar_AV]

Well that's just it. The kids get a raw deal. The new mommy and new daddy aren't really new mommys and new daddys.

It's a shit hand all because some people cant get over the fact these children, who did nothing wrong, didn't pop out of a familiar vagina.

Simian behavior at its worst, deemed somewhat ok in society by some archaic western standard of how to pass down property.

I'm not sure "caring for your offspring" could, or should, be shrugged off as simian behavior at its worst.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Why?

Because there's only so much you can do with someone else's child.

What?

He takes his sister up on her request, he decides to take the boy skiing. The kid turns up wrapped like a Christmas present, and Kadagar being him takes it all off. Off they go, Kadagar teaches, the boy learns - he goes home and tells daddy how his girlfriend's brother is either

A: Actually awesome, because he let him ski without all that stupid stuff on or

B: Crazy for the same reason.

Either way - dad is now pissed.

Or, Kadagar could leave the wrapping on, the boy is encumbered and Kad gets frustrated and it's unpleasant all round.

Sins of the father?

Look at it from the kids point of view. Someone has come into their parents relationship, torn it apart, had a child with their dad and now they the children get the cold shoulder because of their dad and step mums actions.

Sounds like the kids are getting multiple punishments from adults for actions other members of their group performed. That's called prejudice.

Adults should lead the way and not punish children for another adults action. Otherwise you end up with horrible outcomes such as this: http://m.smh.com.au/world/children-b...102-28nny.html

Stepmothers in fairy tales always are portrayed as horrible. Guess what the most likely female murderer is a step mum. Either we mature as a society and treat our extended families with more humanity or we can expect horrible outcomes as the consequences.

Well - family is basically positive discrimination - the only person inflicting anything on the children really is the father, everyone else is basically just along for the ride.

[Strike For The South]

I don't think I've done a very good job explaining the situation.

My sisters boyfriends two kids live with them every other week, and with their mom every other week. The family is thus already divided, not much I can do about it.

I mean, I see my nephew (more than) twice as much as the other kids regardless.

Also, don't get me wrong. When I am there, and all the kids are around, I do my best to try and give the other kids attention too... But... they... are... so... annoying...

I just have no idea how to relate to them. They are raised so fundamentally different from myself, that my attempts at being nice often goes wrong. As an example, both my grandfathers were ranking chess players. They started me on chess from... as long as I can remember really.

They both absolutely trashed me. Repeatedly. Over and over again. It wasn't until I was like 14 and a ranking player myself that I started to even come CLOSE to having a chance, and I never beat anyone of them before they died.

So, my sisters BFs oldest (a boy) says he is really good at chess, and wants to play me. So we play, and I beat him in 4 turns. He gets shocked as he never lost against grownups before (!!??), and wants a rematch. We play again and this time instead of beating him fast I focus on eliminating his pieces while not losing my own, to drag it out and make the game last longer (and give me more challenge and some fun). When he realize he is obviously utterly beaten again, he... starts to cry. And runs to his daddy for hugs and cuddling... He was 11 at the time.

How am I supposed to work with that?

I come from a male line of race car drivers, anti-nazi freedom fighters, mountain climbers...

Their dad puts helmets on the kids before they can climb trees. Compare that to my dad finding me on the middle of a cliff side, only commenting "A child could climb that" (I was 6 at the time). LOL.

It's not like I avoid the kids, or am mean to them.

It's just that I don't want to bond with them. I have absolutely no interest in taking them in. If I visit I can sit down and play monopoly with them.

The PROBLEM is that my sisters asks stuff off me. "Oh, why don't you take [oldest son] out some day and teach him to inline?"

My honest answer would be: "Why I don't? Because he is a girlie boy with no motoric ability, and given the amount of padding I am sure he would come packaged in, I would be ashamed to be seen with him on town".

That is, of course, not what I have answered... I have said "Sure, let me get back to you..."

But that starts to wear thin. I can only get away with excuses for so many years.

GAH!!

Oh, this has nothing to do with you inability to connect with a new extended family.

You are just alpha bro

I come from a male line of race car drivers, anti-nazi freedom fighters, mountain climbers...

Is this the line that makes all the housewives drop trou?

[Kadagar_AV]

Oh, this has nothing to do with you inability to connect with a new extended family.

You are just alpha bro



Is this the line that makes all the housewives drop trou?

I think you read to much bragging into what I wrote...

Being a ski instructor is by no means "better" than being VD of a major company. I brought it up to highlight the different approaches to raising kids families can have.

Some families wrap their kids up till they look like the Micheline Man before any sort of physical activity, some families don't. From what I have seen, the first type of family can produce great academical minds. The other type of family can foster an adventure seeker.

One is not "better" than the other, just different.

But I, very personally, have a hard time trying to bond as family with someone NOT from my family, as there is a clear and wide gap in how we behave, and what we find important to pass on to a child.

EDIT: Also, the motoric skills of his two kids are under all critique... I honestly don't know where to begin.

And they are not exactly the sharpest tools either... When I was eleven I didn't brag to grownups that I was good at chess, yet I would have kicked my own behind badly had I played myself now when I was 11 years old. I was so much quicker in the head back then :)

[Papewaio]

Btw what does VD stand for... I've only seen it used for Veneral Disease

[Kadagar_AV]

Btw what does VD stand for... I've only seen it used for Veneral Disease

Sorry, bad Swenglish of me...

In Sweden, for the term CEO, we use the term "Vice Director"... As it is English I assumed it was a direct loan word. Guess I learnt my new thing of the day then :)

So HIS family have CEO's... MY family is the one with VD's. Sorry for the obvious confusion

EDIT: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/vice_director

Guess I wasn't completely stupid. Just rather stupid.

[Centurion1]

psh im part mexican asian and a butt load of different europeans east and west. Screw it. I identify most with being slavic so those are the girls i like but I could care lessl no women are off limits. And i would love to adopt; id adopt strike if he wasnt an alcoholic. Blood and ethnicity is irrelevant who cares if you look like your parents all that matters if you raise them and at the end of the day when your dying they are at your bedside saying i love you dad.

also is the swede serious about this? jesus internet anecdotes ftw

another edit: i guess my father doesnt love me because im not irish enough and am a dirty croatian. Kadagar you just drip scandinavian racism.

[Kadagar_AV]

psh im part mexican asian and a butt load of different europeans east and west. Screw it. I identify most with being slavic so those are the girls i like but I could care lessl no women are off limits. And i would love to adopt; id adopt strike if he wasnt an alcoholic. Blood and ethnicity is irrelevant who cares if you look like your parents all that matters if you raise them and at the end of the day when your dying they are at your bedside saying i love you dad.

also is the swede serious about this? jesus internet anecdotes ftw

another edit: i guess my father doesnt love me because im not irish enough and am a dirty croatian. Kadagar you just drip scandinavian racism.

It might do you good in further debates - if you don't FIRST explain how you have no family tradition before bashing people feeling a loss of theirs. Might make people read what you write with more interest, you know.

EDIT: Slavic? And here I thought you were negroid.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Too much Alpha in this thread. How is a beta poster supposed to contribute here?

[Kadagar_AV]

Too much Alpha in this thread. How is a beta poster supposed to contribute here?

Second one now.

Ok, so maybe my family traditions are meant to foster alpha men... Is that bad by any means?

To use your terminology then, eventhough I don't really believe in it: Can you understand the difficulty of a person raised to be an alpha to accept that he is expected to take care of a beta child and treat it in the beta way?

"Oooooh, did that bad bad boy say something nasty to you son? Come here *warm hug* There there... There is nothing wrong with crying.... just let it out... Ooooooh my poor baby boy. I will call the other boys parents and express my feelings, I am sure they will handle it accordingly."


Sorry, not my style.

I am more the type of guy who would access the kids abilities, give them proper training, and then throw them in the deep end of the pool. I would of course be ready to jump in, but the kid should swallow some gallons trying before i would.

But then, I am used to boys in my family line jumping in at the deep end of the pool when they feel the lust, regardless of age or flotation. I mean, surely, if others can do it so can you? Right?

Sorry for just talking about boys, but we have, like, no girls on my male family line. The closest we got is my cousin, but then she is overly lesbian and in the national hockey team. Don't get me wrong, I love her! Best wing man EVER!!!

EDIT: I don't like terms such as alpha aso... It just doesnt adhere to reality as i see it. Plenty of people are "alpha" in school, to then be complete losers in life. Plenty of people are "beta" in school, and go on to be cool disc jockeys or whatever...

I think everyone is an individual, and the alpha and beta brushes are a bit to broad to use when talking about my specific case. Sure the terms are valid when you talk about the bigger picture, but not when you talk about a single family.

I might be wrong though?

[Centurion1]

oh i have a family tradition and a pretty deep pride in my lineage. I'm in touch with my roots. I simply think your a racist xenophobe. But its okay besides for Horetore the peace loving viking most of you Scandinavians are. Like are you even aware of how ridiculous what you are saying is, you sound like a jagoff.

And guess what most Americans are like me. We don't come from racially homogenous countries with no diversity.

Edit: when he calls you alpha hes talking in a 4chan sense its mocking you I wouldn't try to turn it into part of your argument. Also did you guys know that good white europeans produce tougher more resilient children. I cried alot when I was a little boy.

[Centurion1]

Too much Alpha in this thread. How is a beta poster supposed to contribute here?

<have child
<child has dark skin
<throw it off cliff
<thisissparta.jpg
<alpha as ****

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

oh i have a family tradition and a pretty deep pride in my lineage. I'm in touch with my roots. I simply think your a racist xenophobe. But its okay besides for Horetore the peace loving viking most of you Scandinavians are. Like are you even aware of how ridiculous what you are saying is, you sound like a jagoff.

And guess what most Americans are like me. We don't come from racially homogenous countries with no diversity.

Edit: when he calls you alpha hes talking in a 4chan sense its mocking you I wouldn't try to turn it into part of your argument. Also did you guys know that good white europeans produce tougher more resilient children. I cried alot when I was a little boy.

You're the kind of American who has no concept of what Europe is - where I come from everybody is Anglo-Saxon, not white, Anglo-Saxon. The number of Scots and Welsh I knew growing up I can count on one hand - there was one black child, one middle-eastern Muslim girl and two people whose parents were Chinese, out of 1,000 children. Granted, I live in a particularly homogeneous area but in Britain that's hardly unusual.

Kadagar is normal - he isn't a racist xenophobe.

In the US you have towns split down the Middle Black/White - people go to different Churches and shops - so off the high horse.

[Kadagar_AV]

I dare you to go to a slavish nation and proclaim you are slavish.

You call ME a racist xenophobe. That is OK, it says more about your education - than my political or moral beliefs.

However, let me assure you that the lineage you seem to be proud of are the people that I would deem racist. Good luck being non-white trying to find your roots in Slavic nations.

Also, are you aware that the term "slave" comes from the "Slavic" people?

This is fun in a loop that goes on and on. WELL DONE YOU!! Why don't you write a childrens book about a Negroe who wants to be Slavic, with all the pitfalls the story would entail?