Sometimes I ask myself, "where are you going?" and tonight is one of those nights

[Hooahguy]

I cant sleep, in fact I havent really slept in a while now, too much on my mind and I cant clear my head, even with alcohol.

I'm thinking about dropping out of college. I hate college. I mean yeah parts of it are fun like the parties and stuff like that and I love being away from my parents, but I hate going to classes. I am motivated by none of them, even after I purposefully picked classes this semester that I would enjoy, and even so, I cant run away from the subjects I hate forever. ROTC is the only thing I even sort of enjoy. I really should enlist, or maybe go to a technical college. I'm much more of a hands on kind of guy anyways, always loved tinkering with things. Im good friends with an HVAC technician, I wonder if he will help me out. I'm figuring, why waste my and my parents money on mediocre performance in college? Yeah a college degree is pretty much essential in this day and age but is graduating with a low B/high C average really that good when it comes to looking for a job? I try to raise my grade but I have no motivation whatsoever to study except when it has to do with ROTC stuff and Im sort of at my end here. I try to study but i cant seem to get the work done. My mind keeps wandering off, even when i remove all the distractions like the internet and friends. Besides, my dad told me that if I dont do at least decently well this semester he is pulling me out and bringing me home for college, and frankly Id rather be in control of my own life than have it dictated to me. I mean, Im 21 for cryin out loud.

I have applied for numerous internships in DC in the federal sector, waiting to hear back from them. Whether or not I get accepted to any of them I think will make or break my current course. If I get one, it must mean that Im doing something right, and if not, time for a change.

Whelp, just a short little rant here, just had to get it off my chest.

[Rhyfelwyr]

As a recent graduate, I'm not sure how to advise you. It can feel like having such qualifications is pointless. On the other hand, if you don't have them, you are probably taking away whatever slim chance you had of getting something half-decent in terms of jobs.

How much longer have you got left to study?

If its only a year or two, I reckon you would be better off sticking with it even if you only do grind out an average result.

I know that feeling when you lack motiviation and you feel like you can't really engage in what you are doing. While it is tempting to drop whatever you are doing when you feel like that, when you are in that sort of irritable state you don't tend to make good decisions.

Don't let your mind stagnate overthinking things by yourself. Talk to people about it - your friends, professors or even parents. Even if you know they will have opinions you don't like, its good to look at things from a different perspective and take everything into consideration.

[Major Robert Dump]

Parents attach caveats to paying for your studies. There is nothing abnormal about that, and I would not equate it with not being in control of your life.

My suggestion, as a compromise, is to go to a smaller school near your home and finish your associates and your basic ed requirements. smaller schools are often more laid back, less pretentious, you will have more working adults as students instead of being surrounded by 19 year olds who think the world is full of puppies and pixie dust, and sometimes the classes are even easier. I would also wager to say that, with the exception of ivy league type schools, where you get your bachelors degree from anymore doesn't matter a whole hell of a lot, as long as we are not talking about an online college, and even those are widely accepted.

You also get a 3k refundable tax credit for going full time, which is something you may be able to use against your parents. Basically, if you want to go it alone, you need to file your own taxes and stop being a dependent. Once you are certified no longer dependent, you wont have to use parental income to qualify for financial aid, which will help you get better grants, etc, and when you file your taxes you will get a fat refund. Check the rules on being emancipated from the parents, they were pretty strict a while back and it was almost impossible before the age of 24 unless you were military, married or had kids, even if you paid all your own bills that didn't seem to be enough (I tried and tried, and never got it even though my parents did not pay for anything and I filed my own taxes)

You could also just go to trade school. I recommend HVAC certification, and then moving to the Philippines or a pacific island where everyone uses wall units and chigos. Or, perhaps cosmetology school to learn to give massages and bikini waxes

[Hooahguy]

How much longer have you got left to study?

If its only a year or two, I reckon you would be better off sticking with it even if you only do grind out an average result.

I know that feeling when you lack motiviation and you feel like you can't really engage in what you are doing. While it is tempting to drop whatever you are doing when you feel like that, when you are in that sort of irritable state you don't tend to make good decisions.

Im a freshman, which is why this is even more alarming for me as if I have to go through another three years of this...

[TinCow]

Im a freshman

That could be your problem. Most of the people I know, myself included, went through some kind of down period in college, most of them in the first year or two. I was mildly depressed for most of my sophomore year and neglected my studies and basically did nothing with my life except smoke pot. Most people snap out of it though and get on with the business of life. You just need to tough it out and give it some time. You're in an odd place where you think you're an adult, but haven't really taken on the responsibilities of adult life. It's a weird and confusing time and it takes a bit to adjust to.

If it helps, I finished undergrad with a 2.91 GPA and still managed to do alright for myself. That's not to say that grades aren't important, they definitely are, but it's not the end of the world to graduate with a low B average.

[Xiahou]

I ended up going to college for 5 years to get my BS because I changed schools / majors. In my third year, I too started to get panicky, talking to advisers about getting out with a 2 year degree so I could just go get a job already.

Eventually I settled down and stuck it out. That's one decision I'll never regret. My career has suffered some setbacks with the economy, but I feel like I'm finally getting ahead. I'll be turning in my resignation at my current job this week and have accepted a much better paying job one.. Both my current job and my new job would have been out of reach with only an associate's degree...

[Andres]

I have similar experiences to TinCow. My first year at uni wasn't that much fun for the simple reason that I had to find my way in that new world.

The years after the first one were absolutely fantastic though.

I suggest you struggle through this first year, just make sure you simply pass and can go over to the next year, don't worry about getting excellent grades now, you can do that later. Or you don't. Plenty of succesful people didn't get the best results study wise. Your diploma is just an entrance ticket that puts the label " most likely not a complete moron" on your head, nothing more.

Your first year is a learning experience in more than one way. Have patience, young padawan.

[Hooahguy]

I guess Im just going through a rough patch, talking to all my friends who arent also freshmen it seems like most of them had difficult first years. I guess the only thing to do is to persevere.
Im going to guess that it also has to do with the fact that Im in a major I hate and I cant change it without losing in state tuition. So right now I guess I have to go about establishing residency so I can change majors. I really love my ROTC program and the people in it, Ive made fantastic friends here so I really dont want to give that up unless I have to.

[HopAlongBunny]

Everybody gets the blahs about Uni at some point. Honestly, anything you do there will be a million times more interesting than what comes after; life is like that :p

If you get a chance to pursue something you are passionate about, do it, revel in it and never look back. You will never again be in an environment so open to discussion and experimentation.

[rajpoot]

Just because of the thread title and because I love this song.

[lars573]

And this is why I never went to university. I couldn't even hack a 2 year Community college course.

[tibilicus]

I don't post here very much anymore. I often even forget to visit. This post however caught my attention as it resonated with me personally. And thus begins a wall of text.

Hooahguy, your post resonates with me a lot. I remember we joined this forum roundabout the same time and you're also the same age as me and seem to be in a similar situation. I myself am 20, soon to be 21. I'm in my final year of university. I study in politics and history at a good university with strong national and international credentials. I too have felt emotions, particularly the last few months, similar to yours. A bit of background is needed I imagine, for context. This time last year, I was loving life. I was your stereotypical university party guy. I would go out and get drunk regularly, copulate with females and some how through all of this, I pulled strong academic results. I had no idea where my life was going but I was enjoying it so figured it didn't matter. My extra curricular stuff was also largely occupied by the OTC (the UK equiviliant of the ROTC, see I told you we had a lot in common) which I enjoyed. Once summer hit and I transitioned from my second to my final year, something changed however.

That summer was spent doing a couple of weeks work experience/ interning at a PR/ Marketing company and various army stuff. I was actually going to commission to the territorial army having past my briefing and main board but something changed with that too. On Summer Leader (a pre-Sandhurst course) something inside me told me the army wasn't right for me. It was quite personal for me, I just couldn't sit with the thought of having to kill someone. This would be the case too as I was going to go into the infantry. After Summer Leader, despite loving the soldiering and even training with some ROTC guys (you guys cant tab to save your lives hehehe) I decided not to commission. I still feel this might be a regret and sometimes I think I should go back or go for regular Sandhurst. I always found exercises rewarding and I enjoyed soldiering. That seemed very different from actually being one though. Maybe I could do a none front-line role with the signals or someone but again, I was good at the soldiering stuff. My ability to put up with copious amounts of punishment served me well on 5 day field exercises.

Fast forward this year and my whole outlook has changed. I don't drink much anymore. I had a rough night at the start of the year. Woke up in hospital, face busted up, still no idea what really happened. Either fell or someone mugged me. I guess I'll never know. The damage wasn't serious, mostly superficial but I never really got drunk like I used to after that. I also gave up chasing women, it lost its appeal after I found no gratification in one night stands anymore. Further to this I'm meant to graduate this year, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I applied for quite a few jobs, all in the usual bull areas. Marketing, sales, finance, management, all stuff that I have no real interest in. In an ideal world I would like to do a master's. It's expensive to study in the UK though so I've applied to a couple of places in Europe. I still don't really know what I want from life though. I change my mind often and some days I just wish someone would appear, tell me what my dream job would be so I could get on and do it. I might try and volunteer this summer with some NGOs, spend my youth giving something back and reversing my own selfish outlook before inevitably using my late 20s to become self-centered and go into the business world.

The point is, what you're feeling is normal. A lot of my friends felt what I'm feeling earlier, I'm feeling it now. People often don't get depression, they think it makes you sad. Anyone who has actually been depressed will tell you, its worse than that. It saps your motivation, you just have no will to do anything. These days I get up at 7, go to the gym (one of the few remaining things I remain passionate for), and then work anywhere from 10-5 to 12-7. I do this 5- 6 days a week. I have 1/3 of my university degree decided in this semester and as such have little free time. Taking this weekend off almost felt forbidden. As such I don't have much of a life anymore, I also had to drop the little OTC stuff I could commit myself too. I cannot give you advice as I'm still working my way through it but I would like to say the best thing is to focus on the things you enjoy and do them, whatever they are.

I also hear you about the independence thing. its natural at this age. For me there's a couple of things I never did (i.e. learn to drive) which I want to do this summer as I feel its holding me back. I've probably been too dependent on others during my life leaving me a bit afraid to branch out. I think that's why I lack personal direction. Hopefully though things will look up. I'm not sure if any of that helped but basically, your current situation, not a unique one. I guess we should both take comfort in knowing we're both still young. Your life isn't about getting to where you want to be its about the experiences on the way to that which make life what it is.

[Hooahguy]

Tibilicus I understand your situation and sympathize. What you are going through now is exactly something I want to avoid now while I have the chance to avoid it.

I also think part of the problem might be poor influence from my roommate. See, hes a league of legends player and he is almost always playing. If hes not playing (while speaking quite loudly into his mic, I might add) hes surfing the internet on 4chan or sleeping. He has 8am classes every day yet I never see him go to any of them as he usually goes to bed around 3am and sleeps until way past noon. All he does is play video games, eat, and sleep. Not exactly a shining example of what being a good college student is all about, which is why I'm looking to move out for next semester, hopefully with a roommate who is a bit more serious about his studies.

[Paradox]

I was mildly depressed for most of my sophomore year and neglected my studies and basically did nothing with my life except smoke pot.

I'm a freshmen and although I haven't neglected my studies, smoking actually helped me from getting homesick/depressed.

I've come a long way from home and things are obviously different in the US than they are in the middle east. Another member described the city I'm studying in as "hell on earth" and I guess I agree, but at least I'm studying something I genuinely enjoy, which none of my friends are currently doing.

Good luck. I had the exact same roommate problem, fortunately, I found a new place to stay.

[Hooahguy]

You will find this problem in the military as well. You can't pick your room mates.

Yeah, I know, although Im desperately looking for another place to live, but so far no luck. I like the location because its only a 5-7 minute walk to where I do ROTC physical training so its quite convenient, plus its right by most of my classes. The only downside is the roommate.

But Ive learned to cope, mostly, though I will admit sometimes I want to stab him with my plastic fork.

[Hooahguy]

I just got a call from one of the organizations in DC I applied to and they want me to come in for an interview, so things are looking up.

[Rhyfelwyr]

Great! I hope things work out for you, it's a tough climate but sometimes you just need that one break.

[Hooahguy]

Yeah I hope so. The interview is with the Department of Homeland Security so this could be a huge break.

[TinCow]

Are you interviewing in DC or remote?

[Hooahguy]

In DC.

[Hooahguy]

Had my interview yesterday, I think it went pretty well. Was able to use experiences from my current job and ROTC to show them that I am a capable worker, and they seemed overall pleased with me. That being said, they also told me there were a number of other applicants for that same position so Ill find out within the next 1.5 weeks if I got the job.

[Major Robert Dump]

If they put you to work in an airport, I'm gonna have a cucumber in pants in hoping of getting frisked every time I come through your city

[Hooahguy]

Im just doing office work lol

[Major Robert Dump]

Internship?

DHS is also the acronym for Department of Human Services, i.e food stamps and WIC.... go hang around some trailer parks you may be able to score with some wimmenz if you tell them you work for DHS

[Hooahguy]

Ha, if the DHS I am hoping to intern for stood for Department of Human Services I would be a bit less excited about it.

[Hooahguy]

Got the internship!

[johnhughthom]

Good for you.

Just don't stuff it up by being rude to people.