I need advice on how to move on.

[Fragony]

Yep, yep, yep. Sorry to everyone for acting the way I have over the past week but at least PVC understands what was up.

I never got that far in. The second time I make poor judgement in this thread I meant well, I'll leave it to the other posters

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Too young to be thinking about marriage mate.

Nah - it can and does happen. It happened to my Aunt and Uncle - they met at 16 and were married for something life forty years before she passed away

I know that now. Even though I finally cut it off, part of me still wants to go to a thing she is hosting for her friends tonight. I'm just gonna drown myself in work and try to forget about it.

EDIT; Want to clarify. I was not planning on marrying her for a loooong time. Like maybe 5-6 years from now. But I thought if we remained together past college it would happen. All a moot point anyway. A lot of my friends have been extremely supportive this past weekend and I think tonight I can actually sleep well.

There was nothing wrong with the way you were thinking - you were in a relationship and you didn't put a limit on it, so obviously marriage was in the future.

Here's the thing - it wasn't in her future, that's the thing you need to understand. She got to a point where she realised that she couldn't see the relationship in 5-6 years, so she broke it off.

It's really rubbish, but that's why she said "I hope you find what you're looking for."

The thing I learned, and this absolutely sucks, is that no matter how loving, attentive, even attractive, you are - you can't make someone love you. On paper you could be exactly what they want, and you still won't spark it off for them.

[TinCow]

Nah - it can and does happen. It happened to my Aunt and Uncle - they met at 16 and were married for something life forty years before she passed away

Sure, but it's a lot more rare now than it was when your aunt and uncle met. In the US in the 1950s, on average people got married significantly younger than they do now. In 1950 the median age was 22.8 for men and 20.3 for women. In 2011 it was 28.9 for men and 26.9 for women. This age shift is significant, and it moves marriage into an entirely separate point in life. At 20-22, you are still a child in many respects. You have finished growing and are legally responsible for yourself, but you are only just beginning to experience life as an adult. That experience changes you significantly, and results in major personality changes for most people. By the time you're in your late 20s, you've finally started to stabilize again and figure out who you're going to be for the rest of your life. Relationships that are established before this personality shift are much less likely to last simply because the odds are that at least one of the partners will change in such a way as to no longer make each other compatible. In addition, in modern society is is pretty normal for both partners to work full-time throughout their lives, particularly prior to having children. As such, there is also the issue of divergent career paths to split apart couples that are just entering the job market. Couples that meet several years after entering into the job market are far more likely to have compatible career situations that make long-term relationships easier to manage.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Sure, but it's a lot more rare now than it was when your aunt and uncle met. In the US in the 1950s, on average people got married significantly younger than they do now. In 1950 the median age was 22.8 for men and 20.3 for women. In 2011 it was 28.9 for men and 26.9 for women. This age shift is significant, and it moves marriage into an entirely separate point in life. At 20-22, you are still a child in many respects. You have finished growing and are legally responsible for yourself, but you are only just beginning to experience life as an adult. That experience changes you significantly, and results in major personality changes for most people. By the time you're in your late 20s, you've finally started to stabilize again and figure out who you're going to be for the rest of your life. Relationships that are established before this personality shift are much less likely to last simply because the odds are that at least one of the partners will change in such a way as to no longer make each other compatible. In addition, in modern society is is pretty normal for both partners to work full-time throughout their lives, particularly prior to having children. As such, there is also the issue of divergent career paths to split apart couples that are just entering the job market. Couples that meet several years after entering into the job market are far more likely to have compatible career situations that make long-term relationships easier to manage.

Well.... A lot of that was true then.

The point is - going into a relationship thinking "this will end in x.... years" is not all that healthy, or honourable.

[a completely inoffensive name]

I never got that far in. The second time I make poor judgement in this thread I meant well, I'll leave it to the other posters

Your posts helped a lot Frag. The last one you posted made me stop and realize I was spiraling down.

[Xiahou]

By the time you're in your late 20s, you've finally started to stabilize again and figure out who you're going to be for the rest of your life.

Nah. I don't think you ever stop evolving mentally/emotionally.

[The Lurker Below]

**** that. When I move on, I move on. Also I hope that wasn't your youth.

Don't knock it. If everything in life went perfect according to plan, what a boring life. The woman to whom I've been married nineteen years takes credit for the seven that we dated on and off, while I was playing the field and enjoying the twisting knife in my back a couple of times. On two separate occasions during that period I did not see or speak to her for nearly a year. If it's meant to be it will happen, no matter how much you swear it off. The last thing you'll learn is that there is no room for absolute ultimatums, in the meantime I'll close where I started:

If you love someone set them free,
if they don't come back shoot them.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Don't knock it. If everything in life went perfect according to plan, what a boring life. The woman to whom I've been married nineteen years takes credit for the seven that we dated on and off, while I was playing the field and enjoying the twisting knife in my back a couple of times. On two separate occasions during that period I did not see or speak to her for nearly a year. If it's meant to be it will happen, no matter how much you swear it off. The last thing you'll learn is that there is no room for absolute ultimatums, in the meantime I'll close where I started:

If you love someone set them free,
if they don't come back shoot them.

I will keep an open mind. But she decided to leave me. I'm not just going fall apart with emotion years down the line if we have sex again.

[Beskar]

You know what is weird about relationships, seeing how things you did affected their futures.

For example, I was dating this girl (when we were around 17-18) and she had an interest in drawing, so I used to encourage her, even bought her one of those PC tablets for her birthday. For reasons a year or so later on, we broke up and we dropped contact. Out of mild curiousity, thinking about the thread I went to use some googlefu. She is now a graphical designer and her artist tag is a pet name I gave her in the bedroom-like situation which ended up sticking during our relationship.

Just seems really weird that I impacted on her life so much.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Ugh, I was doing so well until today. I have been able to distract myself with work or gym or video games for the past few days, when my brain had to **** with me by delivering a very sad dream about losing her that practically woke me up in tears.

Idk, maybe I should stop distracting myself 24/7 and just feel dem feels.