I need advice on how to move on.

[a completely inoffensive name]

For three years I have been going out with my now ex gf. This past Sunday we broke up and it has been an absolutely devastation to me. After trying to talk things over with her today she told me that ultimately it was a long time coming. There was nothing wrong with the relationship itself she just wanted to make "stupid mistakes" with other men and focus on her career. After talking with my friends here and in RL and my family I think I can look forward to a day where I don't weep for 20 minutes. I understand that I am still young and that I should also go out and meet more people and experience new things. I am trying not to hold a grudge against her but it is difficult when sex is involved. The pain of losing my best friend in the world just feels so debilitating right now that I just want to feel normal so I can begin the process of moving on.

I have been an utter mess. I have been feeling sick since it happened on Sunday. I have not been eating (I had two bagels today and that's it) because my stomach is in constant pain and knots. I ask for advice on how I can calm down and just be rid of the pain or at least dull it down.

Also I know that I have been reluctant to improve myself because I have felt comfortable having a loving gf all this time. I want to be a better person (not for others but for myself) and I have chosen to focus on going to the gym (which I have never done) and trying harder at Starcraft (my other long term love). I just don't want to feel paralyzed anymore.

[Fragony]

'Stupid mistakes', sounds far from over to me. Sounds like she still loves you

[Andres]

I hope you got a more decent and honest explanation for the break-up than just the "it was a long time coming" and "I want to be able to make stupid mistakes" lines. If not, then I think she treated you very bad and very unfair. After three years of being together, you deserve something better than that sort of "explanation", which is, in reality, no explanation at all.

That said, there's probably nothing I can say to cheer you up, since there's only one thing that will heal this kind of wounds: time.

In my own experience, the best thing you can do now, is to avoid all contact with her (ignore her when you accidentally see her, remove her number from your phonebook, unfriend her on facebook, delete her e-mail and real adress etc etc.) and allow yourself to recover from this. Don't stay "friends" with her, it'll only make you feel even more miserable and will prevent you from "healing", since you'll keep false hope.

Do whatever the hell you want and that makes you feel a bit better during your recovery. Using the negative energy to get fit again by going to the gym seems like a good idea.

Speaking for myself, two to three months of no contact with the ex always did the trick for me when I was in your position. It was the period I needed to feel normal again. It's possible that you'll only need a few weeks, it's also possible you'll need 4 or 6 months, but you'll be fine.

[a completely inoffensive name]

I hope you got a more decent and honest explanation for the break-up than just the "it was a long time coming" and "I want to be able to make stupid mistakes" lines. If not, then I think she treated you very bad and very unfair. After three years of being together, you deserve something better than that sort of "explanation", which is, in reality, no explanation at all.

Not really much more than that. I asked directly if there was anything wrong with the relationship on my end. She said there was literally nothing wrong with the relationship we just didn't have enough time (we both have intensive uni work) for her to feel as if she is getting the attention or desire she wants. She wants to have more sex and she wants to have it with other people, doesn't want to feel tied down, wants to enjoy youth by making stupid drunken mistakes and going to parties with the rest of her classmates. Both lines you put in quotation marks were lines she said word for word.

We honestly had not seen each other in person for months, but she was willing to go through that for two years when she was at community college (we would plan 1-2 trips every quarter and spend the summer together going on trips). This past year when she finally went into a 4 year university and started experiencing the lifestyle, she grew tired of me. She says it's her failing as woman to need to have sex with a bunch of other men and to give up what she described as an otherwise perfect relationship but as of right now, she wants to throw herself onto other people.

All my friends tell me that it's really up for her to do that. I still don't hate her, but I find myself rapidly wanting to say away from her.

Also, she wants to meet up with her classmates on Sunday for me to watch a film she has been working on for months (she is a film major and this is her "final" more or less). There the plan is to say goodbye for good in person and exchange letters which we did frequently in our relationship. But right now, I think I just need to stop talking to her. Whatever she is going to say or write is just going to tear me up again.

[TinCow]

It just takes time. You're going to be miserable for a while, then you'll just be unhappy, then you'll be ambivalent, then you'll be over it. That's just how it goes. If it helps, we've all been there before and know what you're experiencing. For example, I've proposed to two women, but I've only been married once. It sucks, but life eventually goes on. In the end, things always work out for the best even if you can't imagine how right now.

[Montmorency]

I avoid this problem by somehow not having any impulse to associate with others at all.

The one person I ever felt strongly toward humored me with a few 'friendly conversations', but she was visibly exasperated with me throughout them and soon found herself "too busy" to continue them.

For whatever reason I was (Platonically) besotted with her, so at first my evident inability to contribute anything meaningful to her existence tore me up -

but then I cried at home for a few minutes and all the sentiment drained out of me. Through that simple response I regained my ability to scrutinize and regard her (not sexually) as I would any other human: not resentfully or coldly or even fondly, but impassively. It was quite a relief from my earlier prepossession and preoccupation.

But that was only for a few months of association/ a few hours of conversation, and I'm of course constituted in such a way that these affections don't (with this exception) affect me. For your situation, I would advise you to embrace your 'sob-sessions' as an opportunity to eject the offending chemicals and allow your neuroplasticity to do its thing. If my words have a strong impact on you, your neurophysiology will alter subtly, but with dramatic effects over years, and it will become possible for you to embody my approach. But that's unlikely, so ultimately I suppose I'm merely indulging myself.

Generic advice: *I am aware that you have friends. Deepen your relationships with them.
*I am aware that you have academic, professional, and civic ambitions. Find out exactly how much these mean to you.
*I am aware that you have hobbies. Indulge in them (responsibly).

WARNING: If my words impact you strongly and set you onto my path, that advice will no longer apply to you. I ostensibly include this as a safety measure.

[Fragony]

Not really much more than that. I asked directly if there was anything wrong with the relationship on my end. She said there was literally nothing wrong with the relationship we just didn't have enough time (we both have intensive uni work) for her to feel as if she is getting the attention or desire she wants. She wants to have more sex and she wants to have it with other people, doesn't want to feel tied down, wants to enjoy youth by making stupid drunken mistakes and going to parties with the rest of her classmates. Both lines you put in quotation marks were lines she said word for word.

We honestly had not seen each other in person for months, but she was willing to go through that for two years when she was at community college (we would plan 1-2 trips every quarter and spend the summer together going on trips). This past year when she finally went into a 4 year university and started experiencing the lifestyle, she grew tired of me. She says it's her failing as woman to need to have sex with a bunch of other men and to give up what she described as an otherwise perfect relationship but as of right now, she wants to throw herself onto other people.

All my friends tell me that it's really up for her to do that. I still don't hate her, but I find myself rapidly wanting to say away from her.

Also, she wants to meet up with her classmates on Sunday for me to watch a film she has been working on for months (she is a film major and this is her "final" more or less). There the plan is to say goodbye for good in person and exchange letters which we did frequently in our relationship. But right now, I think I just need to stop talking to her. Whatever she is going to say or write is just going to tear me up again.

You don't speak female, she is telling you you got a little boring

[a completely inoffensive name]

Took me a while to drive to her house. Her car is not even here. She is probably with some other guy as I speak. I'm not dropping off the letter. I am going home to my parents and crying.

[Strike For The South]

1st: :(

2nd: This couldn't be a more clear message, you know what direction you need to go and how futile it would be to look back.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Well, I cried a lot with my family. They were very supportive, I felt a lot saner. She asked me where the letter was because she reads my twitter. I gave her a short message. Told her I hope everything goes well for her, I feel like I need some space in order for me to get past this. I would like to be friends but the choices you made has changed everything and this is also a time for me to find myself without feeling tied down. I hope you understand, I will talk to you later.

Her response was "I see. I understand. I hope you find what you are looking for."

And now it is over. And I want for the first time nothing to do with her.

EDIT: Jesus, I have been really messed up this past week. I'm just gonna let time do its thing now.

[Fragony]

Alas it's over, but you can still be buddies. It's nonsense that you can't be friends with an ex-girlfriend, or women in general. I haven't slept with most of my female friends but flirting a bit is just a whole lot of fun, you just need to know when you go too far. It would be a shame if you wouldn't want to have anything to do with her anymore imho

[a completely inoffensive name]

Alas it's over, but you can still be buddies. It's nonsense that you can't be friends with an ex-girlfriend, or women in general. I haven't slept with most of my female friends but flirting a bit is just a whole lot of fun, you just need to know when you go too far. It would be a shame if you wouldn't want to have anything to do with her anymore imho

I phrased my response a bit wrong here. I left friendship open down the line when I felt like I had moved beyond her on an emotional level.

[The Lurker Below]

I phrased my response a bit wrong here. I left friendship open down the line when I felt like I had moved beyond her on an emotional level.

kick ass! - my crystal ball foresees makeup sex, followed by emotions flooding back in less than a second, followed by a cruel twisting knife in the back, followed by friends driving you to a bridge while Nazareths "Love Hurts" and similar songs are played. They'll also offer a length of rope or a bullet. At this point you'll realize that wench is preferable to your drunken friends, and become a beat down husband like many of us. Dammit man, you give me the chance to review 10 years of my youth in less than a paragraph.

[a completely inoffensive name]

kick ass! - my crystal ball foresees makeup sex, followed by emotions flooding back in less than a second, followed by a cruel twisting knife in the back, followed by friends driving you to a bridge while Nazareths "Love Hurts" and similar songs are played. They'll also offer a length of rope or a bullet. At this point you'll realize that wench is preferable to your drunken friends, and become a beat down husband like many of us. Dammit man, you give me the chance to review 10 years of my youth in less than a paragraph.

**** that. When I move on, I move on. Also I hope that wasn't your youth.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Alas it's over, but you can still be buddies. It's nonsense that you can't be friends with an ex-girlfriend, or women in general. I haven't slept with most of my female friends but flirting a bit is just a whole lot of fun, you just need to know when you go too far. It would be a shame if you wouldn't want to have anything to do with her anymore imho

Rubbish - if she ripped your heart in half you don't want to see her for a decade at least.

If I had to guess, I'd say ACIN expected to marry this girl one day, the way you get over that kind of break up if by amputating that relationship and going and finding a new one.

[a completely inoffensive name]

If I had to guess, I'd say ACIN expected to marry this girl one day,

Yep, yep, yep. Sorry to everyone for acting the way I have over the past week but at least PVC understands what was up.

[Visor]

Yep, yep, yep. Sorry to everyone for acting the way I have over the past week but at least PVC understands what was up.

Too young to be thinking about marriage mate.

[Fragony]

Yep, yep, yep. Sorry to everyone for acting the way I have over the past week but at least PVC understands what was up.

I never got that far in. The second time I make poor judgement in this thread I meant well, I'll leave it to the other posters