I need advice on how to move on.

[Andres]

I hope you got a more decent and honest explanation for the break-up than just the "it was a long time coming" and "I want to be able to make stupid mistakes" lines. If not, then I think she treated you very bad and very unfair. After three years of being together, you deserve something better than that sort of "explanation", which is, in reality, no explanation at all.

That said, there's probably nothing I can say to cheer you up, since there's only one thing that will heal this kind of wounds: time.

In my own experience, the best thing you can do now, is to avoid all contact with her (ignore her when you accidentally see her, remove her number from your phonebook, unfriend her on facebook, delete her e-mail and real adress etc etc.) and allow yourself to recover from this. Don't stay "friends" with her, it'll only make you feel even more miserable and will prevent you from "healing", since you'll keep false hope.

Do whatever the hell you want and that makes you feel a bit better during your recovery. Using the negative energy to get fit again by going to the gym seems like a good idea.

Speaking for myself, two to three months of no contact with the ex always did the trick for me when I was in your position. It was the period I needed to feel normal again. It's possible that you'll only need a few weeks, it's also possible you'll need 4 or 6 months, but you'll be fine.

[a completely inoffensive name]

I hope you got a more decent and honest explanation for the break-up than just the "it was a long time coming" and "I want to be able to make stupid mistakes" lines. If not, then I think she treated you very bad and very unfair. After three years of being together, you deserve something better than that sort of "explanation", which is, in reality, no explanation at all.

Not really much more than that. I asked directly if there was anything wrong with the relationship on my end. She said there was literally nothing wrong with the relationship we just didn't have enough time (we both have intensive uni work) for her to feel as if she is getting the attention or desire she wants. She wants to have more sex and she wants to have it with other people, doesn't want to feel tied down, wants to enjoy youth by making stupid drunken mistakes and going to parties with the rest of her classmates. Both lines you put in quotation marks were lines she said word for word.

We honestly had not seen each other in person for months, but she was willing to go through that for two years when she was at community college (we would plan 1-2 trips every quarter and spend the summer together going on trips). This past year when she finally went into a 4 year university and started experiencing the lifestyle, she grew tired of me. She says it's her failing as woman to need to have sex with a bunch of other men and to give up what she described as an otherwise perfect relationship but as of right now, she wants to throw herself onto other people.

All my friends tell me that it's really up for her to do that. I still don't hate her, but I find myself rapidly wanting to say away from her.

Also, she wants to meet up with her classmates on Sunday for me to watch a film she has been working on for months (she is a film major and this is her "final" more or less). There the plan is to say goodbye for good in person and exchange letters which we did frequently in our relationship. But right now, I think I just need to stop talking to her. Whatever she is going to say or write is just going to tear me up again.

[TinCow]

It just takes time. You're going to be miserable for a while, then you'll just be unhappy, then you'll be ambivalent, then you'll be over it. That's just how it goes. If it helps, we've all been there before and know what you're experiencing. For example, I've proposed to two women, but I've only been married once. It sucks, but life eventually goes on. In the end, things always work out for the best even if you can't imagine how right now.

[Montmorency]

I avoid this problem by somehow not having any impulse to associate with others at all.

The one person I ever felt strongly toward humored me with a few 'friendly conversations', but she was visibly exasperated with me throughout them and soon found herself "too busy" to continue them.

For whatever reason I was (Platonically) besotted with her, so at first my evident inability to contribute anything meaningful to her existence tore me up -

but then I cried at home for a few minutes and all the sentiment drained out of me. Through that simple response I regained my ability to scrutinize and regard her (not sexually) as I would any other human: not resentfully or coldly or even fondly, but impassively. It was quite a relief from my earlier prepossession and preoccupation.

But that was only for a few months of association/ a few hours of conversation, and I'm of course constituted in such a way that these affections don't (with this exception) affect me. For your situation, I would advise you to embrace your 'sob-sessions' as an opportunity to eject the offending chemicals and allow your neuroplasticity to do its thing. If my words have a strong impact on you, your neurophysiology will alter subtly, but with dramatic effects over years, and it will become possible for you to embody my approach. But that's unlikely, so ultimately I suppose I'm merely indulging myself.

Generic advice: *I am aware that you have friends. Deepen your relationships with them.
*I am aware that you have academic, professional, and civic ambitions. Find out exactly how much these mean to you.
*I am aware that you have hobbies. Indulge in them (responsibly).

WARNING: If my words impact you strongly and set you onto my path, that advice will no longer apply to you. I ostensibly include this as a safety measure.

[Rhyfelwyr]

Maybe I'm just really out of touch, but I think (or maybe just want to think) that you are trolling here.

You are saying that this girl broke up with you because she said she wants to make drunken mistakes, have sex with a bunch of guys, and focus on her career?

I don't know if I'm being naïve here - but people can't really think like that, never mind say something like that to your face?!

If this isn't a joke thread with a dash of social commentary, I think you need to follow your own advice here. Hit the gym, lawyer up and delete your facebook account. Well hopefully you won't need the second one, lol. Take a break from humanity. I know you like the philosophy side of things, so exercise your mind and body. tbh I don't even want a girlfriend, can't be bothered with them. There's so much more worthwhile stuff do be doing.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Maybe I'm just really out of touch, but I think (or maybe just want to think) that you are trolling here.

You are saying that this girl broke up with you because she said she wants to make drunken mistakes, have sex with a bunch of guys, and focus on her career?

I don't know if I'm being naïve here - but people can't really think like that, never mind say something like that to your face?!

If this isn't a joke thread with a dash of social commentary, I think you need to follow your own advice here. Hit the gym, lawyer up and delete your facebook account. Well hopefully you won't need the second one, lol. Take a break from humanity. I know you like the philosophy side of things, so exercise your mind and body. tbh I don't even want a girlfriend, can't be bothered with them. There's so much more worthwhile stuff do be doing.

I really wish I was joking. But that's the sad truth. As you can imagine, it's been tearing me apart. I still have not eaten much in the past 72 hours. I tried having a bowl of cereal but I couldn't finish it, I felt like puking every time I took another bite.

So far the only time I have been able to clear my mind is by playing Starcraft. I think I will play it right now.

[TinCow]

You are saying that this girl broke up with you because she said she wants to make drunken mistakes, have sex with a bunch of guys, and focus on her career?

I don't know if I'm being naïve here - but people can't really think like that, never mind say something like that to your face?!

You're being naïve. There's nothing wrong with a woman wanting some freedom or being interested in just having a good time without being in a serious relationship. It's actually rather common; it's 2013, not 1953. Personally, I think the world would be a far better place if everyone had a few random flings before settling down. I'd run screaming from any woman who had experienced nothing but serious relationships from teenage years to adulthood.

[a completely inoffensive name]

The Gym is good. I quit smoking recently by filling my empty nicotine-free void with exercise. Other than that, Porn. Also, go to the club this weekend to practice your flirting.

*Seriously though, young relationships are awful. They don't last, and that's probably a good thing. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Thing is I really don't want to find myself in a club. I am introverted and I am going to try to get myself to be more social in my uni organizations and at events I plan to participate in. But I just really don't want to see myself trying to screw some random girl at a club.

[TinCow]

But I just really don't want to see myself trying to screw some random girl at a club.

You're missing the point. It's not about trying to do something, it's about not trying to do something, namely not trying to find your life partner when you're still very young. Just enjoy yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Things work out well that way; they tend to go wrong when you try to force them. In order to find your partner, you first need to stop looking.

[a completely inoffensive name]

You're missing the point. It's not about trying to do something, it's about not trying to do something, namely not trying to find your life partner when you're still very young. Just enjoy yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Things work out well that way; they tend to go wrong when you try to force them. In order to find your partner, you first need to stop looking.

I'm not trying to find another girl to date. I don't want another serious relationship for a long time. I am just very reserved with myself.

[Fragony]

Thing is I really don't want to find myself in a club. I am introverted and I am going to try to get myself to be more social in my uni organizations and at events I plan to participate in. But I just really don't want to see myself trying to screw some random girl at a club.

Don't mind me saying, but that's what you should do, plants need water

[a completely inoffensive name]

I'm going to take it one step at a time. After finishing my work I played Starcraft today for 6 hours and for the first time I was more calm when I was playing it then when I am not. Getting so focused on the game lets me forget everything else. I had a really good night tonight, I went up an entire league and I am on the borderline for moving up into the next league after that.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym with my friend from class, we will see how that goes. I'm gonna try and tire myself out as much as I can, I'm still not sleeping that well, if at all. Today I felt a lot better. I had occasional bursts of sadness and regret but hopefully by the time this quarter ends a month from now I will be ready to do more things outside my comfort zone. I'm planning on buying tickets to the next MLG in Anaheim.

[Fragony]

Not really much more than that. I asked directly if there was anything wrong with the relationship on my end. She said there was literally nothing wrong with the relationship we just didn't have enough time (we both have intensive uni work) for her to feel as if she is getting the attention or desire she wants. She wants to have more sex and she wants to have it with other people, doesn't want to feel tied down, wants to enjoy youth by making stupid drunken mistakes and going to parties with the rest of her classmates. Both lines you put in quotation marks were lines she said word for word.

We honestly had not seen each other in person for months, but she was willing to go through that for two years when she was at community college (we would plan 1-2 trips every quarter and spend the summer together going on trips). This past year when she finally went into a 4 year university and started experiencing the lifestyle, she grew tired of me. She says it's her failing as woman to need to have sex with a bunch of other men and to give up what she described as an otherwise perfect relationship but as of right now, she wants to throw herself onto other people.

All my friends tell me that it's really up for her to do that. I still don't hate her, but I find myself rapidly wanting to say away from her.

Also, she wants to meet up with her classmates on Sunday for me to watch a film she has been working on for months (she is a film major and this is her "final" more or less). There the plan is to say goodbye for good in person and exchange letters which we did frequently in our relationship. But right now, I think I just need to stop talking to her. Whatever she is going to say or write is just going to tear me up again.

You don't speak female, she is telling you you got a little boring