I need advice on how to move on.

[Fragony]

I'm going to take it one step at a time. After finishing my work I played Starcraft today for 6 hours and for the first time I was more calm when I was playing it then when I am not. Getting so focused on the game lets me forget everything else. I had a really good night tonight, I went up an entire league and I am on the borderline for moving up into the next league after that.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym with my friend from class, we will see how that goes. I'm gonna try and tire myself out as much as I can, I'm still not sleeping that well, if at all. Today I felt a lot better. I had occasional bursts of sadness and regret but hopefully by the time this quarter ends a month from now I will be ready to do more things outside my comfort zone. I'm planning on buying tickets to the next MLG in Anaheim.

I am probably going to do more harm than good, but take this into consideration, she said she wanted to make mistakes, she didn't say she wanted to sleep around, as that's no mistake but a choice. She wants more out of you if you ask me. I always pay attention of how things are said; why would it be a mistake to sleep with other men? Can only be that she hasn't given up on you.

[a completely inoffensive name]

I am probably going to do more harm than good, but take this into consideration, she said she wanted to make mistakes, she didn't say she wanted to sleep around, as that's no mistake but a choice. She wants more out of you if you ask me. I always pay attention of how things are said; why would it be a mistake to sleep with other men? Can only be that she hasn't given up on you.

I asked her straight up if I wasn't doing enough. She said I did nothing wrong. "Making mistakes" is just American slang for casual sex. Every odd to suggest she hasn't given up on me when she was the one who pushed for it to end. I told her I could make more time to see her and she said there is nothing I could do, she really just wants to experience other men. I'm trying my hardest to move past her right now, please don't plant false hope in me.

[Fragony]

Give me your lust and your sorrow. sorry I didn't mean to

[Ja'chyra]

Go out with your friends get drunk and move on, best to just cut her off entirely or you'll just need to go through it all over again.

[Spoonska]

Heya, new guy here, but I'd like to pass on what I've learned through books, therapy, relationship courses, and psychology classes and hope it helps. Some of it depends on how close you guys were, but it sounds like a pretty rough breakup.Mostly it's general advice for breakups.

I'm going to assume you're in your early to mid twenties, and your girl is just looking to explore life. It happens. You can't get mad at that. In fact, if your response to her had been " Okay, I understand" and you had not said much else you would have probably flipped her shit. The simple fact is; when you're young you're still trying to figure it all out. It's kind of like college... How many times did you change your major before you settled on just one? That's why it's usually not that great of an idea to get married young. Who you are as a 21 year old , 25 year old and 29 year old mentally is going to be 3 different people. Same for your girl. You just have to let her go, appreciate the experiences and time you had together, sob a little bit, and move on.

The best thing you can do when you wake up today, tomorrow and the next day is ask yourself " What does A completely inoffensive name (lol) want to do today", and focus on that.

Just some helpful tips : Remember to eat! Sleep can be your enemy. Your regularly scheduled hours are fine of course, but if you're just sleeping all the time to avoid feelings of depression you're going to become more depressed. Surround yourself with friends. Don't have friends? Join a club. Join a gym. Exercise is an awesome way to improve your overall well being. It's not so much about avoiding dealing with your feelings. You need to deal with your feelings in a healthy way. It's about avoiding sulking, avoiding addictions and depression. Oh, and one of the most important things be sure to vent and vent a lot. It might seem really dumb, but buy yourself a journal jot down your thoughts. Get that shit of your head and into the open. Also it helps to vent to close friends and family, a therapist or your pastor if you're spiritual.

It's going to be different for everyone, but take about 3 months just to yourself before you get into another serious committed relationship or else you really won't give the next person a shot. No one likes to sit around at a dinner table and be compared. I used to know this one therapist that would tell his divorce clients "If you buy a plant, and it's alive after a year you're ready for dating" I forget what kinda plant he said to buy. Obviously a really different situation, but you get the idea. You don't have to buy a plant, but the point is that you have something you care for.

You're going to be fine in the end just remember that this has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you. Because you're fine. In fact you're probably pretty awesome.

In all seriousness though. If you just get out of the house -- start living. You'll be right as rain.

[Major Robert Dump]

Right now the cheapest airfare from LAX to the Philippines is in late June and early July.

I suggest you go.

[Strike For The South]

I'm going to say what I said earlier. Her trepidation in no way defines your worth.

Young relationships are tough, espacilly these ones that are strained by distance.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

I asked her straight up if I wasn't doing enough. She said I did nothing wrong. "Making mistakes" is just American slang for casual sex. Every odd to suggest she hasn't given up on me when she was the one who pushed for it to end. I told her I could make more time to see her and she said there is nothing I could do, she really just wants to experience other men. I'm trying my hardest to move past her right now, please don't plant false hope in me.

When we were winding up university (so 21-22) exactly this happened to one of my friends, his girlfriend broke up with him because she wanted to do other things and "be on her own".

She's not exactly saying you're not good in bed, or she wants to get out and do the dirty with lots of other men. She's saying she's too comfortable and she's bored - that's her problem. In a couple of years she'll be kicking herself, which sucks for both of you but that's how it goes some times.

About the crying thing - yeah that takes a while to stop. With me I tend to get it constantly for a couple of weeks before it eases off, so if you've got dry eyes right now you're doing well.

I think one piece of advice I could give is go out and meet new people - not to date - new people won't know you as you were before when she was a part of your life. Then don't talk about her - just be yourself without her.

Basically - if you've been together for a while that a whole chunk of your life has just fallen apart, things you used to do together, mutual friends, places, her friends you got on with. You'll be able to salvage a bit of that, but most of it will either fizzle out through awkwardness or has already outright blown up.

So - time to do new things, not old things. Take up a new sport, start a new series of books - learn to cook.

Stop playing Starcraft.

[a completely inoffensive name]

When we were winding up university (so 21-22) exactly this happened to one of my friends, his girlfriend broke up with him because she wanted to do other things and "be on her own".

She's not exactly saying you're not good in bed, or she wants to get out and do the dirty with lots of other men. She's saying she's too comfortable and she's bored - that's her problem. In a couple of years she'll be kicking herself, which sucks for both of you but that's how it goes some times.

About the crying thing - yeah that takes a while to stop. With me I tend to get it constantly for a couple of weeks before it eases off, so if you've got dry eyes right now you're doing well.

I think one piece of advice I could give is go out and meet new people - not to date - new people won't know you as you were before when she was a part of your life. Then don't talk about her - just be yourself without her.

Basically - if you've been together for a while that a whole chunk of your life has just fallen apart, things you used to do together, mutual friends, places, her friends you got on with. You'll be able to salvage a bit of that, but most of it will either fizzle out through awkwardness or has already outright blown up.

So - time to do new things, not old things. Take up a new sport, start a new series of books - learn to cook.

Stop playing Starcraft.

I agree with every thing you said except about StarCraft. I'm making friends on StarCraft and I feel happy when I play it.

EDIT: Ugh, I thought I would have dry eyes for today but I guess not.

[a completely inoffensive name]

I am getting ready to do the nuclear option and cut off all communication from her. It's going to blindside her for sure. We have been such great friends for so long. But I have gone from literally melting down in agony for 6 hours at a time, not sleeping/eating at all for the next day, to being more social in my life and dealing with strong but temporary anxiety attacks at night. However, I every time I even see a tweet or see a post on facebook, it just stirs the pot. And I get into a tailspin quickly. She expects to meet up on Sunday to watch the film she has been working on for so long with the rest of her classmates and friends. But I am planning on spending my saturday with family and I am going to drop off a letter at her house on my way up explaining why I need to cut myself off from her, at least for the near future. I will say a few other things on my mind which I feel are important and then when I get home I am pulling the trigger.

[Fragony]

I hope pulling the trigger is also an expression I don't understand. You need some friends around you to help you through this

[a completely inoffensive name]

I hope pulling the trigger is also an expression I don't understand. You need some friends around you to help you through this

It's a poor expression on my part. It's sometimes used to mean committing suicide, but I didn't want to convey that. It's also used in a hyperbolic way of saying "committing to an action". When I get home I am going to commit myself to the plan of cutting off all contact with her.

I am making friends as fast as I can. Sort of difficult in the middle of the school term though. But I am at least doing more things with the friends I already have rather than staying home.

[TinCow]

I am getting ready to do the nuclear option and cut off all communication from her. It's going to blindside her for sure. We have been such great friends for so long. But I have gone from literally melting down in agony for 6 hours at a time, not sleeping/eating at all for the next day, to being more social in my life and dealing with strong but temporary anxiety attacks at night. However, I every time I even see a tweet or see a post on facebook, it just stirs the pot. And I get into a tailspin quickly. She expects to meet up on Sunday to watch the film she has been working on for so long with the rest of her classmates and friends. But I am planning on spending my saturday with family and I am going to drop off a letter at her house on my way up explaining why I need to cut myself off from her, at least for the near future. I will say a few other things on my mind which I feel are important and then when I get home I am pulling the trigger.

I think that's a good idea. You need to move on, and you're not going to do that when she's regularly in your face. It's theoretically possible to remain friends with an ex, but it's very difficult and it rarely works out well. I don't think this case has much hope to be that exception. She might be perfectly happy to have you around as a friend, but you would be tortured by her presence and her social interactions with other men. Cut the cord and move on, it'll be much easier for you that way.

[Andres]

I am getting ready to do the nuclear option and cut off all communication from her. It's going to blindside her for sure. We have been such great friends for so long. But I have gone from literally melting down in agony for 6 hours at a time, not sleeping/eating at all for the next day, to being more social in my life and dealing with strong but temporary anxiety attacks at night. However, I every time I even see a tweet or see a post on facebook, it just stirs the pot. And I get into a tailspin quickly. She expects to meet up on Sunday to watch the film she has been working on for so long with the rest of her classmates and friends. But I am planning on spending my saturday with family and I am going to drop off a letter at her house on my way up explaining why I need to cut myself off from her, at least for the near future. I will say a few other things on my mind which I feel are important and then when I get home I am pulling the trigger.

It's the best thing you can do. "Staying friends" will cause you too much pain. Since the whole idea is to cut off all contact to allow yourself to get over her, you should explicitly ask her in your letter not to reply to it.

Or simply don't bother writing a letter at all, if that's an option for you