Random Thoughts Thread

[Rhyfelwyr]

I will pray for you Vuk.

Now, if I may vent a little for my own problems...

I have turned into a poor creature, debilitated by minor but frustrating ailments. Most of my life I have felt this way I do now - that things are not sustainable, that I am fighting against the way of things. I cannot hold down jobs or maintain friendships - any future just seems too fragile and unstable to invest in it. My life has a strange twilight-zone feel to it... everything seems indeterminate; temporary and fleeting, yet somehow unchangeable. An unending impermanence. I find my life littered with such paradoxes. That having addressed, and deconstructed, and understood my OCD, I somehow find it holds a greater sway over me than ever before. That after I deliberately left my old world of 'God and Ulster', I somehow find myself more deeply immersed in that culture than ever before - I suppose it is fitting that someone like myself should embrace a way of life so hopelessly and irreversibly in decline. And I cannot help but feel, that I am headed in a similar direction myself.

What to do?