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Thread: Terry the Big Purple Unicorn

  1. #1
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Terry the Big Purple Unicorn

    There was once a little purple unicorn named Terry who grew up into a big purple unicorn also named Terry. Terry's parents came from deep inside Perfectly Ordinary Forest, which was the farthest thing from a perfectly ordinary forest. In fact, it was not even a forest. No one knows who named the flat, enchanted landscape Perfectly Ordinary Forest, or for what reason, but the name stuck and most did not give it a thought. Perfectly Ordinary Forest was under attack by the great Sorcerer-Lord, Dave, who above all else desired Skittles. Aside from the acquisition of Skittles, Dave's greatest goal was to be the only source of magic in the world, and thus infinitely powerful. He had succeeded in wiping out all the magic in the world except for the magical creatures of the magical plains of Perfectly Ordinary Forest. When Terry was just a baby unicorn Dave's forces had started sweeping into Perfectly Ordinary Forest and no one was able to stop them. Terry's parents decided that to keep him safe they would hire an enchanted Stork to carry him to a new home in the land of humans, where he would be seen as a sign from God and worshiped.

    Unfortunately for Terry's parents, the only Stork who had not been killed in the war was Sammy "Sore-Feathers" Sage, a drunk old war veteran who had not flown in 40 years. Nonetheless they entrusted the precious son to his care and bid him farewell.
    Sammy flew Terry over hundreds of miles of land and water before being shot down by a hunter somewhere over Wisconsin. Down, down, down Terry fell, being guided by the wind farther and toward a great city that lay beneath him. Terry looked down terrified and prayed that he had a soft landing. Luckily for him there were enough used condoms and old mattresses in the dumpster he landed in that he only broke three of his four legs.
    He would have cried out in agony, but he had an empty can of spaghettios wedged into his mouth. There poor Terry lay in unimaginable agony and despair for the next two days as uncaring passers-by carelessly through their garbage on top of him.

    His break finally came when a young street urchin named Needles climbed up into the dumpster to scrounge for uneaten food or thrown out valuables. Now at first this didn't seem like a blessing to Terry, as Needles was standing right above his throat and choking him. Eventually though the young junkie dug his way down to Terry. At first he thought that poor Terry was just the result of what he had injected into his arm earlier, and he simply ignored him. After trying to lift him up for a while though, Needles realized that he was in fact standing on a real purple baby unicorn's throat...and he thought that was pretty cool. Needles dug Terry out and carried him over to the cardboard box that he called home. As he was putting Terry's legs into splints, he realized that his friends may think him rather girly for having a purple pet unicorn, so he shaved Terry's mane into a mohawk, because no one could say that was girly. Unicorns cannot talk, so Terry couldn't tell Needles his real name. Needles would just call him Dumpster, because that sounded tougher than Terry anyway.

    Terry spent the next 17 years kept hidden from the sight of all but Needles and his friends who taught him everything he would need to succeed. He learned how to rob stores, pick pockets, use a syringe, and most of all: look tough. Poor Terry was at quite a disadvantage here, being a purple unicorn, but he knew that if he was going to succeed as a gangster, he was going to have to inspire fear. His gelled purple mohawk was just not enough, so Terry would cut himself with shards of glass so that he was covered in mean looking scars.

    The day finally came when Terry was ready to step out into the world and become worshiped as the divine creature he was. Unfortunately for Terry, Needles did not teach him to look both ways when crossing the street, and he was creamed by a semi.

    The End
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
    Vigilance is our shield, that protects us from our squalid past. Knowledge is our weapon, with which we carve a path to an enlightened future.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  2. #2
    Ranting madman of the .org Senior Member Fly Shoot Champion, Helicopter Champion, Pedestrian Killer Champion, Sharpshooter Champion, NFS Underground Champion Rhyfelwyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Terry the Big Purple Unicorn

    I don't get it.
    At the end of the day politics is just trash compared to the Gospel.

  3. #3
    The Red-titled Forum Administrator Beskar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Terry the Big Purple Unicorn

    Terry was a democrat.
    "We are living in space-age times but there's too many of us thinking with stone-age minds" - Daryl Davis
    "What makes something right or wrong?" | How to spot a Humanist
    "Men of Quality do not fear Equality." # | "Belief doesn't change facts. Facts, if you are reasonable, should change your beliefs." RG

  4. #4
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Terry the Big Purple Unicorn

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiaexz View Post
    Terry was a democrat.
    Now you are just being petty.
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
    Vigilance is our shield, that protects us from our squalid past. Knowledge is our weapon, with which we carve a path to an enlightened future.

    Everything you need to know about Kadagar_AV:
    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  5. #5
    The Red-titled Forum Administrator Beskar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Terry the Big Purple Unicorn

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk View Post
    Now you are just being petty.
    No, I just thought it would be a rather amusing answer.
    "We are living in space-age times but there's too many of us thinking with stone-age minds" - Daryl Davis
    "What makes something right or wrong?" | How to spot a Humanist
    "Men of Quality do not fear Equality." # | "Belief doesn't change facts. Facts, if you are reasonable, should change your beliefs." RG

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