Corporate Anthems

[Lemur]

The corporate anthem is a neglected art form. I've been collecting samples for a while, and I wanted to share.

First up is the infamous Nixon/Peabody anthem, a tune so ear-bleedingly awful that the law firm has sued anyone posting the full song. A copy has survived, however.

Ernst and Young is, um, saving our souls or something.

Nothing says quality like investment banking rap.

KPMG seems to be channeling the bastard offspring of Journey and the Carpenters. Not as aesthetically offensive as the others, but evil in its own right. I dare you to listen to the whole thing.

The World Glaucoma Association ought to be ashamed of themselves. Who, in their right mind, creates a hymn to glaucoma?

Drupa is doing more of an Abba kind of thing. Good production values, but still, evil. Europop about the virtues of Dusseldorf and the paper industry ... I dunno.

Starbucks uses We Built This City on Rock and Roll to, um, get their message across. They lose points in the lemurs book, however, for not coming up with their own melody.

SAP software gets its gangsta rap on. This one's kinda horrible. More than most. "Whatevah, Oracle! We'll take care of your peeps over here!"

You think SalesForce.com is gonna take that laying down? Nuh-uh. "Cut my teeth on Java / Got it from my mama / I've got the dev life in my bloodstream / I'm living out the coder's daydream." Rawk on baby!

Anybody got any more? Or am I the only sick Orgah who collects these things?

[woad&fangs]

KPMG seems to be channeling the bastard offspring of Journey and the Carpenters. Not as aesthetically offensive as the others, but evil in its own right. I dare you to listen to the whole thing.

Oh God, When Will It End!!!!!!????? .... Finally it stops. Hah, I accepted your dare and triumphed!!!

[Lemur]

I just realized, there's nothing political, religious or offensive about this subject. Well, it is offensive, but only aesthetically. I should have posted this to the Frontroom, and put it back here our of habit. My bad. Could some kindly mod move the thread, please? I want to share this evil with the widest possible audience.

-edit-

All I can say is that you're a braver man than I, woad&fangs. I never actually managed to get through the whole thing. I think my current favorite is SAP's offering. There's something horribly, terribly wrong with white boys rapping about software.

[Ser Clegane]

I wonder if the anthem that a department of the company I work for "published" will make an appearance in this thread

[Mikeus Caesar]

It needs to be in here in case we get sued by Nixon Peabody.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Drupa is doing more of an Abba kind of thing. Good production values, but still, evil. Europop about the virtues of Dusseldorf and the paper industry ... I dunno.

Wow - pretty clear where they took their 'inspiration' from...

Super Trouper - ABBA
Super Trouper - 1990's cover by the Abba teens
And now Supa Drupa.

As an aside, does this count as definitive proof of the degeneration of pop music over the last few decades?
Brilliant thread, btw. I never knew corporations had anthems.

[English assassin]

I never knew corporations had anthems.

Nor did I. And now I feel pretty inadequate that my firm doesn't.

Hell, I'm going to get ahead of the game and get my firm a corporate odour. I'm thinking 40% old leather, 25% dust, 25% of a good roast coffee, and a subtle undertone of 10% bull [manure] should say "law firm" to just about anyone. I'm going to make all the assistants wear it, mwah ha ha ha ha.

[Lemur]

I wonder if the anthem that a department of the company I work for "published" will make an appearance in this thread

Don't just tease us, Ser -- share the goodies, if you've got 'em.

I was out with the kids and the wife all day, and damned if I didn't catch myself humming "Everyone's a winner at Nixon Peabody" more than once. I feel infected.

[Lemur]

One new anthem, and an important update. I seems the song I posted was Drupa's 2004 song. I now have their 2008 ditty, and it's a wowzer.

Microsoft India has this little bilingual offering. I think I can safely say that this contains the least offensive rap about a GUI that I've heard.

As promised, Drupa's 2008 anthem. Still Europop. Less Abba-esque this time.

[Productivity]

The SAP one is hilarious - it's worse when you use both JDE and SAP and are aware of the competition between them.

There's a guy at work who has the old Texaco anthem in his head and sings it everynow and then - I'll see if I can find a recording of it somewhere in the work archives.

[KukriKhan]

Not the really old:

"You can trust your car
To the man who wears the star
The great, white Tex-a-co Staaaaaaar" one?

[Productivity]

Not the really old:

"You can trust your car
To the man who wears the star
The great, white Tex-a-co Staaaaaaar" one?

He has two!

That one and another...

[Lemur]

If you wanted old-school, just say so.

Ever onward, IBM!

Ah, Fujitsu! Tomorrow is our goal!

Going back to the more recent offerings:

Texas Instruments rocks out.

CheckPoint Software does some kind of Yanni/Celine Dion thing. And it's another super-long one.

Symantec Corporation has a CC and the Music Factory vibe. Symantec revolution! We're givin' ya sweet solutions!

This isn't strictly a corporate anthem, but what do you call it when the entire board of directors awkwardly raps? It's embarassing, sure, and it's disgusting, but does it belong here?

[Hepcat]

Just one question:
WHY?

Because I'm a perfectionist I felt obliged to listen to every single link (or at least as much of each link as I could stand).

I now just want to curl up in a corner and die.
So I'm going to bed, before you post some more links.

[Lemur]

I would kill, or maybe maim, to find an MP3 version of this one:

SCRIPT FOR CORPORATE ANTHEM

Our passion stays ignited by a flame
Sparked by our founders and peers
Our commitment remains etched in stone
We progress without any fears
Our passion stays ignited by a flame

Our hearts beat to a song
Our chests are filled with pride
No obstacle can stop us
We'll overcome it in our stride (2)

We salute those who were before us
Its their vision we see
and look ahead with determination
Todays dream is tomorrow's reality
We salute those who were before us

Our hearts beat to a song
Our chests are filled with pride
No obstacles can stop us
We'll overcome it in our stride (2)

[Lemur]

I would appreciate if any Deutsch-speaking Orgahs would give me a rough translation of the Air Berlin song. One writer claims that there are lines about "Airplanes in your stomach, kerosene in your blood," but I'd like independent verification. Europop, needless to say.

-edit-

Just found this gem: Ericsson's euro-rap about the joys of WAP. This might just be the most painful listen yet, and the competition is fierce.

[Ser Clegane]

One writer claims that there are lines about "Airplanes in your stomach, kerosene in your blood," but I'd like independent verification.

That line would be correctly quoted - I am not sure if there is a similar expression to "Flugzeuge im Bauch" ("airplanes in your stomach") in English, the expression basically describes a happy/elated feeling.
A similar expression is "Schmetterlinge im Bauch" (butterflies in the stomach) which often is used to describe the feeling of being freshly in love.

BTW - I did not find the link to the (inofficial) anthem that was leaked from a department of my employer

[Husar]

Well, it starts with
"Planes in the belly, kerosene in [the] blood, no storm can stop her, our Air Berlin.
Nose in the wind, customer in mind and a smile always within."

That's how I'd translate it. And planes in the belly might be a reference to butterflies in one's stomach.

[Lemur]

Thread necromancy! But for a good cause -- I just stumbled across a hip-hop anthem about the Sarbanes-Oxley act. Beautiful stuff, man. Clockin' lotsa hours on section four-four, yo.

[Ser Clegane]

Found it - here

[PanzerJaeger]

How are you able to find these old threads? I tried to do a search the other day and it wasn't allowed for the backroom. Is my exceedingly high warning level coming back to bite me, or do you know something I don't?

[Lemur]

You can't search the Backroom. And frankly, given the Google results I get elsewhere, you wouldn't want to. What I did to find this one was type "anthems" into my Firefox search bar, then thumb back a page at a time, waiting until the search term lit up. Twenty clicks or so later, I found the thread. Low-tech, yes, but it works.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Ser Clegane - 26 September 2007:

BTW - I did not find the link to the (inofficial) anthem that was leaked from a department of my employer

Ser Clegane - 1 July 2008:

Found it - here

[PanzerJaeger]

You can't search the Backroom. And frankly, given the Google results I get elsewhere, you wouldn't want to. What I did to find this one was type "anthems" into my Firefox search bar, then thumb back a page at a time, waiting until the search term lit up. Twenty clicks or so later, I found the thread. Low-tech, yes, but it works.

Thanks.

I wonder why that is...

[drone]

I wonder why that is...

I don't think any of the Tavern forums are searchable (maybe the Gameroom, not sure). They are the largest forums, and searches through them are detrimental to the performance of the board as a whole. At least that's what Tosa said a few years ago.

[Ronin]

I don't think any of the Tavern forums are searchable (maybe the Gameroom, not sure). They are the largest forums, and searches through them are detrimental to the performance of the board as a whole. At least that's what Tosa said a few years ago.

The frontroom is searchable.

[Lemur]

The beat goes on:

As a small thank you for Lemur's completely awesome corporate anthems thread, (from time to time I STILL find myself humming "Evil, evil Ernst and Young", here is another one for his collection, courtesy, apparently, of a partners awayday at Cameron McKenna (Yeah, i know you don't know who they are, just listen and all will be revealed. Or not)

http://www.rollonfriday.com/ThisWeek...6/Default.aspx

And its a special thank you from me to Cameron McKenna, as I now realise that, however bad my own awaydays seem to be, they are NOTHING compared to how awful they could be. Though I'd quite like to be let rip writing a three minute death metal number about how Lord Justice Jacob really sucks.

Good stuff . CMS is best! (Woah-hoh!) Better than the rest! (Whoah-hoh!)

The most hilarious corporate hymn I saw is a major news website's hymn: CONTENT QUALITY OR DEATH.

http://index.hu/video/2009/05/23/tar...as_vagy_halal/

There's only grumbling, so you can understand it anyway.

Also, this is NOT A JOKE.

I'd still like this Frontroomed.

Recent additions to my hall of shame:

Phillips Was My First Love

Honeywell Quest Is Quality [dead link] (maybe the worst-performed one so far)

Henkel—We Together

[Crazed Rabbit]

Miami Herald.

CR

[Reverend Joe]

The Apple theme song.

Because we needed proof that both Apple and Microsoft suck.

[Lemur]

Miami Herald.

As amusing as this one is, I don't think it's genuine. (As in, The Miami Herald didn't have it produced or deploy it as a value-added fungible asset-class actualization item.)