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Thread: Actually, it's not Total War because...

  1. #1
    Member Member Vlad Dracul's Avatar
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    Default Actually, it's not Total War because...

    If itís Total War, how come you have 3 options when conquering a settlement? It should be only exterminate, itís not Total Occupy.

    If itís Total War, how come you have 3 options when you take prisoners? It should be only execute, itís not Total Release.

    If itís Total War, how come there are 2 traits for a general? It should be only dread, itís not Total Chivalry.

    If itís Total War, how come you can even make alliances? It should be only enemies, itís not Total Coalition.

    If itís Total War, how come you can retreat from battles? It should be only stay and fight, itís not Total Withdraw.

    If itís Total War, how come you can cease fire? It should be only war, itís not Total Peace.

    If itís Total War, how come there is an ďAccept or weíll attackĒ option? It should be only ďEven if you accept, weíll still attackĒ, itís not Total Blackmail.

    If itís Total War, how come you can make spies? There should be only assassins, itís not Total Espionage.

    If itís Total War, how come you can become client kingdom? You should fight to the death, itís not Total Vassalage.

    If itís Total War, how come you can create merchants? You should create only military, itís not Total Trade.

    If itís Total War, how come capitans can become generals? They should remain as they are, itís not Total Promotion.

    If itís Total War, how come you can be Immaculate? You should be only Despicable, itís not Total Reputation.

    If itís Total War, how come priests and imams can peacefully stand next to each other? They should pluck their beards and burn one anotherís holy books, itís not Total Faith.

    If itís Total War, how come the princesses are not cat-fighting? They should pull each others hair and scratch their eyes, itís not Total Marriage.

    If itís Total War, how come the diplomats bow when they meet? They should lit one another on fire using their pergaments, itís not Total Diplomacy.

    And finally if itís Total War, how come youíre reading this forum? You should be on the battlefield, crushing your opponents skulls, itís not Total Time-out!




    P.S.: For those who find this topic weird/stupid/offensive/sexist/racist/elitist/atheist/useless/butthurting:
    Relax, itís only transylvanian humour.

    Member thankful for this post:

    Hamata 


  2. #2
    Infinite Jest Member easytarget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Actually, it's not Total War because...

    Not to disappoint you, but your last line is in fact the question you should have asked yourself before posting this wonderful piece (special mention should be made for your abundant use of the space bar, well played sir, well played).

    And not too get too metaphysical on you, but is it Total War if no one hears you rant about it?

  3. #3
    Member Member The Black Douglas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Actually, it's not Total War because...

    Actually it IS Total War...

    'Total war is a war in which a belligerent engages in the complete mobilization of all available resources and population.' (some clever guy online)

    - it's nothing to do with being nasty or nice , all it means is that every productive means available to you, is utilised, to it's limits, for the war effort.

    chamone!

    p.s. how long did it take to write/copy/past/edit all that? hope it was worth it... to you.
    Last edited by The Black Douglas; 12-31-2013 at 15:02.
    "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

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