Actually, it's not Total War because...

[Vlad Dracul]

If it’s Total War, how come you have 3 options when conquering a settlement? It should be only exterminate, it’s not Total Occupy.

If it’s Total War, how come you have 3 options when you take prisoners? It should be only execute, it’s not Total Release.

If it’s Total War, how come there are 2 traits for a general? It should be only dread, it’s not Total Chivalry.

If it’s Total War, how come you can even make alliances? It should be only enemies, it’s not Total Coalition.

If it’s Total War, how come you can retreat from battles? It should be only stay and fight, it’s not Total Withdraw.

If it’s Total War, how come you can cease fire? It should be only war, it’s not Total Peace.

If it’s Total War, how come there is an “Accept or we’ll attack” option? It should be only “Even if you accept, we’ll still attack”, it’s not Total Blackmail.

If it’s Total War, how come you can make spies? There should be only assassins, it’s not Total Espionage.

If it’s Total War, how come you can become client kingdom? You should fight to the death, it’s not Total Vassalage.

If it’s Total War, how come you can create merchants? You should create only military, it’s not Total Trade.

If it’s Total War, how come capitans can become generals? They should remain as they are, it’s not Total Promotion.

If it’s Total War, how come you can be Immaculate? You should be only Despicable, it’s not Total Reputation.

If it’s Total War, how come priests and imams can peacefully stand next to each other? They should pluck their beards and burn one another’s holy books, it’s not Total Faith.

If it’s Total War, how come the princesses are not cat-fighting? They should pull each others hair and scratch their eyes, it’s not Total Marriage.

If it’s Total War, how come the diplomats bow when they meet? They should lit one another on fire using their pergaments, it’s not Total Diplomacy.

And finally if it’s Total War, how come you’re reading this forum? You should be on the battlefield, crushing your opponents skulls, it’s not Total Time-out!




P.S.: For those who find this topic weird/stupid/offensive/sexist/racist/elitist/atheist/useless/butthurting:
Relax, it’s only transylvanian humour.

[easytarget]

Not to disappoint you, but your last line is in fact the question you should have asked yourself before posting this wonderful piece (special mention should be made for your abundant use of the space bar, well played sir, well played).

And not too get too metaphysical on you, but is it Total War if no one hears you rant about it?

[The Black Douglas]

Actually it IS Total War...

'Total war is a war in which a belligerent engages in the complete mobilization of all available resources and population.' (some clever guy online)

- it's nothing to do with being nasty or nice , all it means is that every productive means available to you, is utilised, to it's limits, for the war effort.

chamone!

p.s. how long did it take to write/copy/past/edit all that? hope it was worth it... to you.