What have you learnt today?

[Ibrahim]

"Today" (or rather, recently), I learned a lot today. I'm only sharing the ones that won't get me in as much trouble here:

-don't dare express your feelings to anyone who might work with you--especially if they're romantic ones. Even if you do nothing about, they'll assume you're actively trying to get in their panties.

-as a corollary to above: don't ever work with them. No matter how well intentioned and honest you are, you're pretty much screwed if you do.

-trust no-one at work: assume they're all out to get you. Don't back-stab though--don't stoop to the level of your rivals.

-don't engage in any social interaction with your coworkers--particularly of the opposite sex. That just gives people more fuel to back-stab you: instead, be as invisible as possible.

-the best sign of a coward is how quickly they hide behind a manager.

-truth is not the best defense--mostly because few if any will believe you, especially if the person you are having trouble with is female.

-trying to be the better person, or extending an olive branch, will only earn you a kick in the teeth.

-*name redacted* is a petty, cowardly, mean spirited, paranoid, and kind of stupid person, who can't distinguish between a rick-roll and a propositioning, or while we're at it, a Good friend v. someone they just met.

-Missouri should pay reparations for producing such a hell-spawn--the greatest ever argument against heterosexuality.