Pokemon Nuzlocke FireRed Mafia [Concluded]

[Askthepizzaguy]

- An image of a man in a lab coat appears.

Professor Oak:

"OH HAI THERE! Welcome to the world of POKEMON! People call me Professor Oak. Want to know why they call me that? Heh, well, we'll get to that later. First, I want to show you something...."

Professor Oak:

"This right here, is a goshdang POKEMON!

Some people keep them as pets. Others like to make them fight each other to the death! Some people even like to dress up as pokemon... We don't talk about that. And I study pokemon as a profession. I get a nice paycheck from the government to pretend to think about these things. It's a sweet job. I haven't done a single thing in ten years but chase women in my lab coat. Don't you think it makes me look sexy?"

-Yes
-No
-I'm 10

Professor Oak:

"Next, I need to ask you some personal questions. Which gender are you? ...Is that still something I can ask? Okay, let's skip that question. What is your name?"

-Red
-Ash
-Silent Protagonist
-I've lived next door to you my whole life

Professor Oak:

"Oh, right... how could I have forgotten. And this guy... man oh man, he needs no introduction. This is my pride and joy, the brightest and most talented chip off the old block of them all. You all know who he is! Go on, say his name! Let it roll around on your tongue a little bit!"

-Gary
-Mother
-F*^&ing
-Oak

Professor Oak:

"OH YEAH BABY! YOU KNOW IT!

This guy looks a little bit like you, but way better looking! He's been your 'friend' since you were little. And he's always been better than you in every way. What can I say, my genes look good on him, and his mom is a total babe.

Speaking of which, I have a task for you. I need you to go to the Pokemart and pick up an ordinary brown package full of things that are way, way too boring for kids. Can you do that for me, sport? It's just up the hill, in Viridian City. The shopkeeper knows me. He's cool.

Just go pick it up and be gone for at least an hour, okay kid? Maybe an hour and a half to be on the safe side. But before you go, you'd better take one of these monsters I have just lying around. The road to the city is really fricking dangerous. There are these birds that are almost half a meter tall, and they can totally rip your eyes out with their claws. And don't even get me started about the man-eating rats. Hoo-boy! Anyway, pick one."

-Bulbasaur
-Charmander
-Squirtle

Professor Oak:

"You have chosen... Bulbasaur...?

I don't know how good it will be against those giant birds I just told you about, or those rats that might chew it to death. I mean, there's even giant bugs after that which... nevermind. Doesn't matter. You did see there was a lizard with big fangs and claws that can set things on fire, though, right? What's that thing do, blossom into a pretty flower? I mean, the turtle at least has a shell.

But whatever, I'm sure you know what you're doing. It's fine. It's cool. Don't worry about it. Okay, good luck!"

- You turn to leave. Gary grabs the Charmander with a smirk and calls you out.

Gary Oak:

"Hey, dumbass! Before you run off like a little chicken, why don't you challenge me to a pokemon battle? I'm going to wreck your shit!"

A pokemon battle begins...