Bullethead
Patron

Posts: 34
From:Wakefield, LA
Registered: Aug 2002
posted 09-03-2002 04:03 AM
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Quote
V'ger said:

I'd be interested in knowing if the Elmos are this uber when played by a human?[/QUOTE]

In the right hands, I'm sure they're even worse. However, those ain't my hands

My 1st attempt at the campaign, I chose the Elmos. I had no idea what I was doing (still don't, actually ) and the Spanish looked pretty tough, so I bribed El Cid and signed a peace treaty with the Castilians, built up a garrison there with alims to settle the religious problems, and went and backstabbed my Islamic brothers in Egypt.

Lesson to any other newbie Elmo players: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do this.

Anyway, the bulk of my armies are way off on the east front. I take Egypt, I take Sinai. The fight sways back and forth through Palestine and Arabia, but eventually I corner the Egyptians in Tripoli. At this point, the Turks declare war and start pushing me back in a big way. Whoops. The remnants of my once-proud army is pushed out of Egypt back to where it started. Fortunately, the Turks then get into trouble with resurgent Egyptians so don't bother me any more.

However, while this eastern misadventure is at its worst, the perfidious Spanish break our treaty and boot me out of Cordoba with massive force, although the keep holds out. So now I've got a 2-loss war going and the Spanish outnumber me greatly. But despite the odds, I must retake Cordoba so I send in all available forces. Fortunately, the Spanish army splits at the same time, part taking Portugal and part overrunning El Cid. Thus, after a hard fight, I regain my capital province but lose Valencia. And to my dismay, I find Cordoba burned to the ground--only the keep itself remains, so all it can produce in its own defense are peasants.

I rush up the 2 new units from Morocco and Grenada, along with my king and his Ghulams. Cordoba now faces large armies on all borders. Fortunately for me, only 1 attacks, but it still outnumbers me greatly. I manage to crush it, but the commanding prince inflicts terrible damage on my forces before escaping. And it was only 1 of 4 large Spanish armies I have to deal with.

It's apparent that there's no way I can rapidly build up forces in Spain. Not only are there insufficient local facilities, but I'm now pretty much out of money anyway. It's also apparent that if I stand still, I'll be crushed. Cordoba being useless, I decide not to hold it but to go on a guerrilla rampage, trying to hit the weakest Spanish force available and lay waste to as much of Spanish territory as possible.

So I move most of my army to Portugal. Thus I sidestep the hammer blow that falls on Cordoba that turn. I destroy every building in Portugal. Next turn, I repeat the manuever in Leon. And so it goes for 8-10 years, my gradually dwindling army frantically pillaging hither and yon across Spain. Portugal, Leon, Castile, Valencia, and Cordoba all change hands several times as the Spanish try to pin me down and I somehow keep eluding them. This entire area is reduced to an utter wasteland of burned-out cities and ruined forts. Famine, plague, revolts, and religious unrest (I had several alims plotting revolution in the Spanish heartland all this time) follow in the wake of the armies. No mercy is shown by either side, all generals involved maxing out on dread. Spain has become Hell on earth.

But north and south of the devastated region, both sides are slowly, painfully slowly, building up reserves on very tight budgets. I choose to build up troops in Grenada while the Spanish build a church in Aragon. Next thing I know, a huge Crusade bulldozes its way into Cordoba, freeing the regular Spanish armies to finally corner my king in Leon. He, his 2nd son, and his entire force are slain but he takes many Spaniards with him.

Then it's Grenada's turn. 3 times the Spanish come, Crusade and all. Twice their forces are shattered. But the 3rd time's the charm. Out of all the Elmoheads who ever lived in Spain, only 2 alims are left, still fomenting rebellion behind the lines.

Without missing a beat, the Spanish push on and Morocco quickly falls. Then the Spanish halt to deal with religious uprisings in several provinces. I, however, cannot take advantage because the bulk of my surviving generals have become disillusioned and carry out a successful coup. By the time the new dynasty is in power, the Spanish have assassinated my alims and reassert control over all of Spain.

And then it comes, the Great North African Crusade Blitzkrieg, an unending stream of them from Spain and then from Italy across the sea. The 1st Spanish Crusade is targeted on Egypt. After the loss of all my rich provinces and best generals, followed by civil war, there is nothing I can do to stop it. It slaughters and burns its way from Morocco to Egypt, which it successfully takes. My provinces return to my control when it passes, but they have been gutted.

And that was just the 1st of the series. Soon, others follow, targeted on my provinces in succession working east to west, so that the western provinces get pillaged repeatedly. And in between, the Italian vultures descend with amphibious Crusades of their own to pick my bones. The brutality reaches levels beyond even that in Spain as the Spanish exact their revenge.

I lose count of the number of Crusades that overrun my lands. 4 or 5 from Spanish Morocco, 3 or 4 from Italy at least. All that saves me from being completely occupied all at once is the fighting between Spaniard and Italian over the same provinces, and between Spaniard and Turk over Egypt. While often reduced to a single, barren province, still I regain others as Crusades move on and my long-suffering people rise in revolt. This gives me more armies than I could ever hope to build in the blasted ruins of North Africa. With them I finally manage to destroy a Crusade. It's Italian and I kill the Doge who is leading it. He had no heirs so Italy ceases to exist.

But this is the last glimmering of the Elmohead Empire. Within 2 years, all that remains is Cyrenacea with massive Spanish armies on both flanks. The Spanish have taken Sinai now so feel safe enough to add their Egyptian forces to the final assault. The last Elmohead Kaliphah goes down with his remaining troops in a final, appocalyptic battle. Jackals scatter his remains across the bloody sand.

Thus pass the Elmoheads from the international scene after a mere 100 years or so, unmourned by even their Islamic brothers. They go down in history as a psychotic regime of utter barbarism, infamous for their brutality, whose final desperate gallantry against the Crusades is forever tarnished by the innumerable atrocities they committed both then and earlier in Spain. What scant traces remain of their architecture are today used as latrines by all passers-by. But no-one remains near their ruins or mass graves by night....

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The lessons I learned from my disastrous Elmohead experience are as follows:
1. Kill Spain as soon as possible. If you don't kill Spain, you'll lose your best provinces beyond all hope of recovery. And then it'll just be an endless stream of Crusades all across North Africa until the bitter end.

2. Gain control of at least the North African coastal waters. Otherwise, you'll have endless amphibious Crusades dropping anywhere and everywhere.

3. NEVER attack the Egyptians before destroying the Spanish.

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-Bullethead

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria

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