First a tiny bit of background. This story used characters etc from Star Wars: Knights of the old Republic (I got an X-box on clearence just so I could play this. I hate Microsoft) so some of you may have heard of them, other not. This story does contain some spoilers for the game's plot but they are quite small.
If you wish to avoid spoilers do not read any further
Anyway Vandar is a Jedi Master from Yoda's species. Master Vrook is a grumpy old human male. Bastila is a Jedi prodegy who gets turned to the Darkside. (Darth) Revan is a Sith Lord. The characterisartion is not entirely accurate but hey, it is a comedy.
The story begins after the game ends.
You don't have to have played the game in order to read this, however if you are currently playing through the game I would come back and read this story later or you will ruin a plot point. And so with no further ado frogbeastegg productions is proud to present the main feature:
Jedi therapy
Or the redemption of Bastila part II, the bit no one is allowed to speak about.
“Right Bastila, in order to help you work through your Darkside feelings master Vrook and I are going to put you through a course of therapy.” rasped master Vandar. “When you have completed the therapy you may continue training as a Jedi.”
“As you wish masters” replied Bastila “I am eager to redeem myself and serve the light once more.”
“You will not find the therapy easy Bastila” said master Vrook, ‘happy’ as always. “You must learn to repress your feelings once again, we shall look into the very depths of your soul and generally poke and pry into your private life a lot.”
Bastila did not look very happy about this and she frowned as she spoke.
“Is this optional?”
Session number 1.
“In this exercise we shall study your subconscious mind.” said Vandar gravely, “we shall see how badly the Darkside has tainted your thoughts.” Master Vrook nodded before adding “We will show you a series of ink blots. You must tell us what you see in them and we will analyse what this means. Do not try to lie about what you see for the force makes any lies obvious.”
“I have never lied to the council before” replied Bastila serenely.
“What about that time you egged my hoverspeeder and blamed Juhanni?” demanded master Vandar. Bastila looked rather surprised
“Well, that must have been an exception” she explained rather sheepishly.
“And there was the time you left a pin on my chair so I sat on it, you said it was an accident”
“Um, well it must have been master. I was very young and we had been making wall displays in art class” mumbled Bastila, even more sheepish than before.
“You also skipped levitation class but when questioned you claimed you were there but I couldn’t see you. Something about a personal stealth device I recall.”
“Er, you have a long memory master Vandar. Don’t you forget anything?” Bastila was barely audible now.
“No”
Master Vrook cleared his throat “Can we get on with this? It’s seniors day down at the Jedi Juice bar and I want a drink sometime.”
“As you wish” replied Vandar, still watching Bastila closely. “Will you endeavour to tell the truth this time at least Bastila?”
“Yes master” said a still rather embarrassed Bastila. Vrook nodded, apparently satisfied.
“I will hold up a card, you must say the first thing the image reminds you of. Don’t lie and don’t revise your answers. Let us begin.” Vrook held up the first card.
“A ship.” Bastila replied. Vrook held up the second card.
“A speeder.” Vandar noted each answer on a data pad.
“A cup.”
“A planet being blown to asteroids.”
“A thermal detonator.”
“A fluffy kitten.”
Master Vandar with his head cut off by an angry Sith.” Vrook and Vandar exchanged a worried look.
“A Selkath being shot by a Sith.”
“Revan’s face mask.”
Vrook stopped holding up the cards and had a quick, whispered conversation with Vandar.
“Very well Bastila, that is enough for now. We have found out what we need.”
“Thank you masters, I shall go and meditate now.” Said Bastila, bowing elaborately and turning to leave. When she has gone Vandar turned to Vrook
“I hate that stupid, show off bow she does. It is very annoying. Perhaps we can say it is a manifestation of the Darkside and demand she stops doing it?” Vrook chuckled
“Now that is an excellent idea my friend, I shall add it to the list.”
Session 2.
The next day Bastila, Vandar and Vrook met in one of the combat training rooms.
“We have decided it is important to give you the chance to let your anger out in a safe environment.” said Vrook, “We have had these soft foam swords made to we can fight without causing each other damage.” Vandar picked up a tiny sword custom made for his small stature and swung it a few times. He said
“Feel free to release your anger and attack us without holding back” and moved into the on guard position. Bastila was rather more hesitant
“Are you sure masters, you could get hurt.”
“We are quite sure Bastila, now pick up a sword and attack us” demanded Vrook, “It’s not everyday we give a Jedi the chance to fight us you know.”
“Yes master, I am aware of this. Thank you for giving me this chance.” Bastila picked up foam sword and moved to attack Vrook. He stood there with his guard down and got hit a few times. “See Bastila, you cannot harm us with these soft weapons.” Bastila grinned and adjusted her grip on the sword, “It is as you say master.” Then she went berserk.
Vrook tried to block the rain of blows headed at him but failed to keep up. One blow hit him in the face and made his nose bleed, Vrook clutched his face and reeled back away from the furious onslaught while Vandar leaped at Bastila in an effort to draw her attention away from Vrook. Halfway through his leap Bastila swung her sword and batted him across the room like a ball. Eyes shining Bastila pumped her fist in the air and shouted “Home run.” As Vrook tried to rise he got bashed on the head and fell back down. Vandar decided to say where he was – upside down and propped against a wall. Bastila looked at the two felled masters with a manic gleam in her eyes, “Is that it? Come on you weaklings, I can take you Wanna try again?” when neither master moved Bastila started to chant “Now I am the master, now I am the master”. Vandar decided it would be a good idea to lapse into unconsciousness.
An hour later both Vrook and Vandar were wearing full battle armour and the three took up position to try the exercise again.
Three minutes later Bastila bowed elaborately as she left the room saying “Thank you masters, this has been most enjoyable”.
Vrook was once again crumpled up on the floor with his nose bleeding. “Whose idea was this again?” he asked in a rather strained voice.
“I did not think she could do this much damage with a soft sword.” replied Vandar, his voice muffled because he was stuffed upside down in the rubbish bin. “Her anger is most powerful.” There was a moment of silence before Vrook asked
“Do you think she will tell anyone how badly she beat us? This could ruin our reputation as deadly Jedi masters if it gets out.”
“If anyone says anything we can say we let her win.” Vandar said, his mind working feverishly to come up with a better excuse. There was another period of silence before Vandar spoke.
“Can you get me out of this bin please?”
Session 3.
The next day the trio met in one of the classrooms intended for the younger Jedi. Both Vrook and Vandar looked quite banged up, Bastila on the other hand was positively glowing with anticipation.
“Are we going to have another fight masters?” she asked, sounding unusually happy about the possibility.
“NO” shouted Vandar in a panic, before he got a hold on himself and added in a more normal voice “No, we think you have done well enough in releasing your anger. We will not need to do it again.” Vrook nodded rapidly in agreement. Bastila looked rather disappointed. Vandar gestured to a set of crayons and some paper on one of the desks. “We want you to draw us some pictures Bastila, pictures of what you are feeling. Try to draw what happened to you when Malak captured you and how you turned to the Darkside.” Bastila looked very disappointed, “I am not an artist master.”
“It is not important, rather we need to see what you feel and this is a much recommended approach.” rasped Vandar. Bastila sighed in resignation and picked up a crayon and started to draw.
Five minutes later Vrook and Vandar were studying the finished picture. “So this figure is you” said Vrook pointing to a stick figure tied to a rock.
“Yes master”
“And this one is Malak”, Vrook pointed to a stick figure with lightning coming out of his hands. “Who are all these grey people here?”
“They are Sith master. Malak thought it would be educational for them to watch a Jedi being tortured.” Vandar looked interested
“And was it educational for them?” he inquired.
“Oh yes master I taught them that endurance is fine and dandy on some occasions but what is really needed in situations like this is the power to rip someone’s head off telekinetically.”
“Er, that’s nice Bastila.” said Vrook weakly, but you didn’t…er, that is to say you didn’t actually….”
“Actually what master?”
“What Vrook is trying to ask, and making a complete mess of it, is did you rip their heads off?”
“Of course not master” said Bastila, sounding shocked. Vrook and Vandar relaxed.
“I strangled them.” Vrook and Vandar un-relaxed.
After Bastila had left (once again bowing elaborately) Vrook and Vandar looked at each other, then looked at the picture before looking back at each other. Finally Vrook spoke. “I need a drink” Vandar nodded sagely “Me too.”. After a pause Vrook added “Make it a double.”
Session 4.
The next day saw Bastila strapped into a chair with electrodes attacked to her arms.
“Now we are going to show you some holofilms of various Darkside events. If you show any interest in them we will give you a small electric shock.” Vandar explained, “This will train you to think the Darkside is bad.” Bastila did not look very happy, “This may not be a good idea masters, Malak tried something similar and look what happened to him.”
“We are not going to torture you Bastila” said Vrook, something in his tone hinting he might like to do just that, “The shocks will be a very low current.” Vrook started the film and joined Vandar at the back of the room.
Almost as soon as the films started to play Bastila was surrounded in a corona of low power lightning. As the film continued nothing changed.
“Perhaps the voltage is too low?” suggested Vrook.
“Yes, she does have more endurance than we believed. Turn it up a notch.” Vrook did as Vandar suggested and the lightning around Bastila grew brighter. A few minutes later they turned the voltage up again. Bastila still showed no reaction at all.
“This is not good, the treatment does not seem to be working.” Said Vandar, shaking his head sadly.
“Oh I don’t know, it is too soon to judge. After all she has only been shocked constantly for the last twenty minutes, why don’t we turn the voltage up some more – that might help” replied Vrook with a slightly evil grin.
“She did beat the crap out of us the other day.” Mused Vandar, “And she played a lot of mean tricks on me when she was a child. Ok then, let’s turn it to something that should really hurt.” The lightning surrounding Bastila grew too bright to look at but she still showed no reaction. Vrook felt his hair beginning to stand on end; he saw Vandar’s was doing the same. “Um, Vandar look at our hair. It shouldn’t be doing this, we aren’t the ones with electricity zapping us”
“Pay it no mind Vrook” replied Vandar, “There is nothing to worry about. It is only static electricity caused by the currents in this room. All the same we must turn the voltage up again, let us set it to maximum and get this over with.” Vrook did as his friend suggested and within a second a powerful lightning bolt blasted both Jedi masters. The electrical system overloaded and Bastila finally started paying the masters some attention.
“Oh, sorry about that” she said.
“What happened?” asked Vrook, his hair standing on end and wisps of smoke coming off his robes.
“It’s something I learned while I was with Malak” Bastila explained, “When you are stuck with a lightning happy Sith Lord you soon learn to earth electricity in nearby objects. Unfortunately it does tend to electrocute other people. I did warn you, you know”
“Oh.” Said Vrook in a deadpan voice. “That’s nice.”
“Can I go now masters?”
“Yes, run along Bastila.” Replied Vandar, trying to sound cheerful. Bastila freed herself, bowed elaborately and left.
Vrook looked at Vandar. “Much more of this and I’ll turn to the Darkside.”
Session 5.
This time the three met in the council’s main chambers. Vrook and Vandar looked very pleased with themselves for some reason.
“We have decided your therapy is complete Bastila” said Vandar happily, “You can rejoin the Jedi order and resume your training.”
“As you wish master” said Bastila bowing elaborately.
“There is just one thing Bastila” added Vrook, “We order you to never use the Darkside again. In fact it is your duty not to. Yep, duty. So there” as he said this last part Vrook was grinning manically.
“My duty? As you wish master.” Bastila bowed again and left.
“That was a master stroke Vandar” said Vrook, “How did you think of ordering her to stay away from the Darkside?”
“It was simple my friend. Bastila is crazy for duty; she will do exactly what you tell her if she believes it is her duty. She’s a sucker for that kind of thing.” Vandar looked very proud of himself. “She will never use the Darkside again, it is guaranteed. This is my best idea yet.”
“I have only one question my friend, why didn’t you do this in the first place?”
Vandar looked embarrassed, “Well, I had read about this anger therapy in my Readers Digest and it seemed like such a good way to deal with negative feelings and unpleasant memories. I thought it sounded interesting.”
“Interesting? You mean we have been through hell because you thought it sounded interesting?” Vandar just nodded, looking very embarrassed. Vrook glared at his friend in disbelief. Finally he got a hold on himself, “I have one more question”
“Ask away”
“Can we tell her it is her duty to stop doing that annoying bow?”
Finis.
froggy is back.
Reply With Quote
I only get to play the game at bed time - something my pregnant wife likes to have as early as possible 
So I play the dutiful husband and play KOTOR on the little bedroom portable (rather than the 28 inch widescreen with surround sound in the living room 
) while she sleeps.
In my defence I had just pulled an all nighter working on this story and another one so I blame my lack of sleep for that stupidity Er, anyway I had posted in the intro that the following story contained spoilers, I thought people would read it in order.
Like I said, the first time I went over to the Bioware forums, the first topic in the *non-spoiler* thread started
Originally Posted by [b
Finally figured it out and pumped up on adrenal boosters I kicked their sith butt 
Bastila saved your life again and once again she pays a high price, you should have got a few hints by now (cutscenes with Malak torturing her, my family always walk in when that cutscene comes up. They ruin it by saying astupid thins like that's not very nice Um, well it is brutal torure so what else would it be? It ruins my chance to hear the dialogue because they keep talking over it Next time I will remember to save before it and play the save when everyone is out!
You really identify with her huh? I know a lot of people whine about her folding to the dark side after all her preaching about it. Here is my theory.
Bookmarks