Quote Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] (Monk @ Mar. 30 2004,21:35)]And with a last attempt i try to make this story readable...
Well if you are not happy with how the story is going there is little anyone can do to help, I thought it was as readable as usual. Maybe you should take a break and come back after a week or two and see what you think of the story then. You may gain a few ideas or spot a way to alter it to your liking.

I do like the crusader theme, it has a lot of potential for you to use.