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Thread: Jokes

  1. #91
    Just another pixel Member Upxl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    This is an old one,

    3 guys are standing on the rooftop of a skyscraper.
    One says to the other “You know this building is so designed that when you jump of you’re catapulted back here on the roof.”

    The second on ocfours believes nothing of this and asks for proof.

    So the 1st on jumps of ,….

    AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhh…. aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHH…

    And falls back on the same spot he was standing before.

    “NO WAY!!!” says the second one, LET ME TRY!

    So he jumps,…

    AAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhh … … …SPLAT.

    Says the third one: “Superman, sometimes you can be a real ******.”




    Again Superman, is flying around in New York…

    Feeling enormously bored, he sees Batman jumping from one roof to the other.
    “Hey batman” he asks, “you wouldn’t want to join me in a fly around would you?”
    Batman: Sorry Superman, but I’m to busy fighting crime for the moment.
    “Okay” says Superman, and keeps on flying.

    Then he sees Spiderman climbing a scraper.
    “Hey Spidy, I’m really bored , want to join me in a fly around?”
    “Sorry” says Spiderman, “but my aunty is sick and she needs her medicine.”
    Superman: “Kay Spidy np.”

    So then he flies way up in the air,

    Suddenly he sees Superwoman, lying completely naked on the rooftop of a scraper.
    Superman starts to dive with tremendous speed, does his “thing” in 1/100 of a second (It’s superman you know) and flies off again.

    WHAT IN JESUS NAME WHAS THAT??? Asks Superwoman.

    “I don’t know” says the invisible man, “But my ass is hurting like hell!”

    (Language - Beirut)
    Last edited by Beirut; 06-08-2006 at 22:32.
    I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

  2. #92
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Wayne Rooney has been told he can play in the World Cup if he gets a Cortisone Injection.

    David Beckham responded, "If that fat tosser is having a new car, then so am I!"
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  3. #93
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    What is blue, green and a hint of purple and it only sleeps with grannies?

    Me with my lucky coat.

  4. #94
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Bumped for brilliance.

    A guy responses to an advertisement for a job at the local supermarket, and is invited for a job interview.
    Well the manager asks, what do you think you can bring to our organisation?
    Well, I am the best salesman ever. 'He must be' the manager thinks, 'I am convinced!' The guy can start the next day.
    The next day the manager comes just before closing time to evaluate the performcance, and asks how it went.
    'Terrible' I had only one customer. 'Hmmmm, that is not why I hired you, for how much did he buy?' 'A measly 400.000 euro, never had a first day as bad as this'.
    'You mean you got 400.000 from a single customer??? How did you do that???'
    'Well' the guy explains 'he came here for a fishing rod, and I said that a rod alone wouldn't get him very far, so I sold him some of the finest material. I then told him that he would be mocked if you just went fishing in his regular clothes, and that he with a specialised suit would be the envy of the seas. He then said he wasn't sure how to get there, so I sold him a trailer, and a boat to put on it. He then asked how he could get the trailer there, so I sold hem that V8 SUV from mercedes you had in the back, that is about it.'
    'So.....the manager askes, he comes here for a fishing rod and you sell him a car and a boat???' 'Not really' the guy responds 'he came here to get some painkillers for his wife because she was having her period. I then said, since your weekend is screwed anyway, why don't you go fishing?'

  5. #95
    Arena Senior Member Crazed Rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    I mentioned to a coworker of mine that I had worked at a farm run by dutch descendents for minimum wage, 70+ hours a week, with no overtime.

    He asked me if I knew how copper wire was developed.

    "No" says I.

    "Two Dutchmen fighting over a penny"

    Crazed Rabbit

    (Sorry Frag )
    Ja Mata, Tosa.

    The poorest man may in his cottage bid defiance to all the forces of the Crown. It may be frail; its roof may shake; the wind may blow through it; the storm may enter; the rain may enter; but the King of England cannot enter – all his force dares not cross the threshold of the ruined tenement! - William Pitt the Elder

  6. #96

    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiberius
    There were four nuns who were allowed by the abbott to have the weekend off. At the end of the weekend, the four nuns went to the abbott to confess their sins.

    The first nun said, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I stole some food from a shop." The abbott was silent for a few seconds, and replied,
    "The Lord forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." The fourth nun starts to giggle, but the abbott ignores her.

    The second nun said, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
    "What have you done?", asked the abbott.
    "I drove my sister's car and ran over a cat.", replied the nun. The abbott stood silent for a minute, and replied,
    "The Lord forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." The fourth nun is chuckling loudly now, and the abbott is visibly annoyed.

    The second nun confessed,"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I ran up and down high street naked last night" The abbott looked up at the ceiling for a full five minutes before replying,
    "The Lord forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." The fourth nun is bursting out with laughter now, and the abbott asks impatiently,
    "What is so funny?" The nun, barely able to control her laughter, replied
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    "I pissed in the holy water."
    digusting AND disturbing because i go to church and always do the sign of the cross with the holy water.

  7. #97
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    A woman had recently completed a series of golf lessons and was playing her first round of golf with friends when early on into the round she suffered a rather nasty bee sting.
    Her pain was so intense that she decided she had no choice but to return to the clubhouse for medical attention.
    Her golf pro saw her entering the clubhouse and asked, ''Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?''
    ''I was stung by a bee'', she said.
    ''Where?'', he asked.
    ''Between the first and second hole'', she replied.
    He nodded knowingly and said, ''Well then, your stance is probably too wide.''
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  8. #98
    Senior Member Senior Member naut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    That my friend is hilarious and yet oh so disturbing!
    #Hillary4prism

    BD:TW

    Some piously affirm: "The truth is such and such. I know! I see!"
    And hold that everything depends upon having the “right” religion.
    But when one really knows, one has no need of religion. - Mahavyuha Sutra

    Freedom necessarily involves risk. - Alan Watts

  9. #99
    Illuminated Moderator Pogo Panic Champion, Graveyard Champion, Missle Attack Champion, Ninja Kid Champion, Pop-Up Killer Champion, Ratman Ralph Champion GeneralHankerchief's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    This one was done by Martyr in the backroom. Reposted with permission.

    Quote Originally Posted by Martyr
    Bubba, a furniture dealer in West Virginia, wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store. Although he had never traveled outside the USA, he decided to go to Paris to get some ideas. After arriving in the French city he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
    To celebrate the new acquisition he visited a small bistro and had a glass of wine. The small place was quite crowded, and he noticed that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
    Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down.
    He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language, so after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate, he took a napkin, drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Back at their table the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
    To this day, Bubba has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
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  10. #100
    1000 post member club Member Quid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    An email I got a while back. Thought it was rather amusing - and perhaps even true.

    Research shows there are 7 kinds of sex:


    The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when
    you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the
    face.

    The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been
    with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex
    anywhere, even in the kitchen.

    The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been
    with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you
    usually have sex only in your bedroom.

    The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been
    with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway
    you both say "screw you".

    The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot
    stand your wife/Hubby any more. She/He takes you to court and screws
    you in front of everyone.

    The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the
    morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

    OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kid of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a
    little each month. But not enough to live on!


    Quid
    ...for it is revenge I seek...


    Cry Havoc and let slip the dogs of war
    Juleus Ceasar, Shakespear

  11. #101
    Member Member ZombieFriedNuts's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    What’s worse than finding a slug in your salad

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Finding half a slug in your salad
    Last edited by ZombieFriedNuts; 06-17-2006 at 19:57. Reason: Wrong thing
    Make Beer Not War

  12. #102
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieFriedNuts
    What’s worse than finding a slug in your salad

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Finding half a slug in your salad
    I see you're going on the premise that the old ones are the best.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  13. #103
    Member Member ZombieFriedNuts's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Indeed, I was reminded of it earlier in the day when my brothers girlfriend found a slug in her diner
    Make Beer Not War

  14. #104
    1000 post member club Member Quid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Another mail I have just received...

    Apologies for the language...I thought, however, that it is just about passable...

    9 Things I Hate About Everyone


    1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

    2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

    3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

    4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

    5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

    6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

    7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

    8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

    9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

    Quid
    Last edited by Quid; 08-15-2006 at 12:38.
    ...for it is revenge I seek...


    Cry Havoc and let slip the dogs of war
    Juleus Ceasar, Shakespear

  15. #105
    Senior Member Senior Member naut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.



    I liked this one:

    5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
    #Hillary4prism

    BD:TW

    Some piously affirm: "The truth is such and such. I know! I see!"
    And hold that everything depends upon having the “right” religion.
    But when one really knows, one has no need of religion. - Mahavyuha Sutra

    Freedom necessarily involves risk. - Alan Watts

  16. #106
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

    "Where does poo come from?" she asks.

    The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

    "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

    "Yes," answers the girl.

    "Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

    The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: ...........................







    "And Tigger?"
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  17. #107
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

    Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

    MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

    JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

    Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

    WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

    ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

    CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

    CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

    JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

    STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

    THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away... "My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

    WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

    CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

    A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

    US PGA Commentator – "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

    Metro Radio – "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

    Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 – "Ah,isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

    Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator – "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

    New Zealand Rugby Commentator – "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

    Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator – "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  18. #108
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    I am afraid this is only fun for those that speak dutch, god are you missing out



    Citaten uit brieven die mensen aan verzekeringsmaatschappijen van Achmea stuurden:


    De andere auto kwam met de mijne in botsing zonder mij zijn bedoeling kenbaar te maken.

    Nog voor ik hem aanreed, was ik er al van overtuigd dat deze oude man nooit de overkant van de straat zou bereiken.

    Bij thuiskomst reed ik per ongeluk een verkeerde oprit in en ramde ik een boom die daar bij mij niet staat.

    De jongen was overal en nergens op straat, ik moest meerdere bochten nemen voordat ik hem raakte.

    Uw computer heeft mij een kind toebedeeld, maar ik heb helemaal geen kind. En al helemaal niet van uw computer.

    Wie mijn portemonnee gestolen heeft, kan ik u niet zeggen, aangezien er niemand van mijn familie in de buurt was…

    Ik verwijderde mij van de rand van de straat, wierp een blik op mijn schoonmoeder en reed vervolgens het talud af.

    Alle rekeningen die ik ontvang, betaal ik nooit onmiddellijk, daar mij daarvoor eenvoudig het geld ontbreekt. De rekeningen worden integendeel in een grote trommel gestort waar ik er iedere maand geblinddoekt drie uit trek. Deze rekeningen betaal ik dan prompt. Ik verzoek u dan ook te wachten tot het lot u getroffen heeft.

    Uit een proces–verbaal: De achtervolgde sprong in het water en dook ondanks meermaals herhaalde sommaties niet meer op.

    Een voetganger kwam plotseling van de stoep en verdween zonder een woord te zeggen onder mijn auto.

    Mijn motor moest, net als ikzelf, vanwege ernstige schade weggesleept worden.

    Bovendien heb ik voor mijn eerste en na mijn laatste ongeluk schadevrij gereden.

    Ik ben nog nooit van een ongeval weggevlucht. Integendeel. Ik moest altijd weggedragen worden.

    Ik overreed een man. Hij gaf zelf toe schuldig te zijn, omdat dit hem al eerder gebeurd was.

    Volgens de taxatie van de expert zal de schade tussen de 250.000 en een kwart miljoen bedragen.

    In uw schrijven van 26/6 over de eigen bijdrage heeft u mij allervriendelijkst tot mejuffrouw bevorderd, wat echter in samenhang met mijn voornaam Henk helaas tot pijnlijke vermoedens kan leiden.

    Ik reed eerst met mijn auto tegen de vangrail, sloeg toen over de kop en knalde tenslotte tegen een boom. Toen verloor ik de macht over het stuur.


    Met de wettelijke ter plaatse toegestane maximum snelheid, botste ik op een vrouw die mij tegen alle geldende voorschriften tegemoet kwam.


    De ander wagen was absoluut onzichtbaar en toen verdween hij.


    In eerste instantie heb ik tegen de politie gezegd dat ik niet gewond was, maar toen ik mijn hoed afzetten bemerkte ik de schedelbreuk.


    Ik zag een treurig gezicht langzaam voorbij zweven, en toen sloeg de man met een harde klap op het dak van mijn auto.


    Omdat de voetganger niet beslissen kon naar welke kant hij wegrennen moest, reed ik over hem heen.


    Na veertig jaar schadevrij te hebben gereden, viel ik achter het stuur in slaap. Een onzichtbaar voertuig kwam uit het niets, ramde tegen mij aan en verdween spoorloos…


    Mijn bruid heeft de agenten, die het ongeval kwamen opnemen, alles laten zien wat ze maar wilden zien…


    Ik dacht dat het raam openstond. Het was echter gesloten, hetgeen ik pas bemerkte toen ik mijn hoofd naar buiten stak.


    Mij treft het ongeval geen blaam. De oorzaak was die jonge dame in de minirok. Als u een man bent is een verdere verklaring overbodig; als u een vrouw bent, begrijpt u het sowieso niet.


    Moet ik mijn man dan ombrengen voordat ik het geld krijg?


    Uw argumenten zijn werkelijk zwak. Voor zulke uitvluchten moet u toch werkelijk een dommer iemand zoeken, maar die zult u bijna niet kunnen vinden.


    Ik schrijf u vandaag voor de eerste en laatste keer. Mocht blijken dat u niet antwoord, schrijf ik u direct weer.


    Wij hebben geen inkomsten uit de melkveehouderij. Met de dood van mijn man is het laatste rund van het erf verdwenen.

    Mijn auto reed gewoon rechtuit verder, hetgeen er in een bocht in het algemeen toe lijdt dat men de weg verlaat.


    Ik heb geen levensverzekering nodig. Ik zou graag willen dat iedereen echt teleurgesteld is als ik eenmaal sterf.


    Ik ben in de bocht, niet ver van de plaats van het ongeluk vandaan, gaan slingeren. Tijdens het slingeren heb ik waarschijnlijk de tegemoetkomende Mercedes geramd, die vermoedelijk de uiteindelijke richting van de laatste fase van de rit mede heeft bepaald.


    Mijn zoon heeft die vrouw niet omver gerend. Hij is er heel snel voorbij gerend en door de ontstane tocht is ze omgevallen.


    Ik reed achteruit een steile straat naar beneden, doorboorde een afscheidingsmuurtje en ramde een bungalow. Ik kon me gewoon niet herinneren waar het rempedaal gemonteerd was.


    Als ik het geld niet binnen 8 dagen ontvang, zie ik er geheel vanaf!


    Toen stond de kerstboom plotseling in lichterlaaie. De vlammen sloegen over op de gordijnen. Mijn man kon echter niet helpen blussen, daar hij als een bezetene op zoek was naar de polis van de inboedelverzekering.


    Intussen is het loopgips van mijn rechterarm verwijderd.


    Laat mij het a.u.b. weten indien u deze brief niet heeft ontvangen.

  19. #109
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    I've read stuff like this before Fragony. And they always make me feel good as it makes me feel smart. Really smart. Thanks!

  20. #110
    Tovenaar Senior Member The Wizard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    De jongen was overal en nergens op straat, ik moest meerdere bochten nemen voordat ik hem raakte.
    Classic :)
    "It ain't where you're from / it's where you're at."

    Eric B. & Rakim, I Know You Got Soul

  21. #111
    Savior of Peasant Phill Member Silver Rusher's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Stop torturing us with your (what seems to be) very funny Dutch humour! You could at least give us the gist of it.
    THE GODFATHER, PART 2
    The Thread

  22. #112
    Kanto Kanrei Member Marshal Murat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    I did Babelfish translator

    AHAHAHAHAHAHA, it was so funny.
    "Nietzsche is dead" - God

    "I agree, although I support China I support anyone discovering things for Science and humanity." - lenin96

    Re: Pursuit of happiness
    Have you just been dumped?

    I ask because it's usually something like that which causes outbursts like this, needless to say I dissagree completely.

  23. #113
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    More like double dutch then?
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  24. #114
    Grand Patron's Banner Bearer Senior Member Peasant Phill's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    A real life example of what people fill in on there insurance papers:

    De jongen was overal en nergens op straat, ik moest meerdere bochten nemen voordat ik hem raakte.
    translated in English:

    The boy was everywhere and nowhere on the street, I had to take several turns before I hit him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Drone
    Someone has to watch over the wheat.
    Quote Originally Posted by TinCow
    We've made our walls sufficiently thick that we don't even hear the wet thuds of them bashing their brains against the outer wall and falling as lifeless corpses into our bottomless moat.

  25. #115
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Or that last sentence:
    "Would you please let me know if you didn't get this letter."

  26. #116
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    (non dutchies, these are quotes from letters to an insurance company)

    This is my favorite,

    Uit een proces–verbaal: De achtervolgde sprong in het water en dook ondanks meermaals herhaalde sommaties niet meer op.

    'Police report: the subject jumped into the water and didn't surface despite repeated warnings'

  27. #117
    Member Member JFC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    (I think that may be removed)

    (I think you're right - Beirut)
    Last edited by Beirut; 08-15-2006 at 11:25.

  28. #118
    Member Member JFC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Right then Beirut... try this....

    Irish Airplane coming into land...

    Pilot 1: Paddy! Paddy, the Runway is too short!
    Pilot 2: I know Shaemus! But look at the Width of it!

  29. #119
    Join the ICLADOLLABOJADALLA! Member IrishArmenian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Spelled Seamus, JFC. Here is one:
    To some the glass is half full, to others it is half empty, but to the Irish it will always be "Are you going to drink that?"

    "Half of your brain is that of a ten year old and the other half is that of a ten year old that chainsmokes and drinks his liver dead!" --Hagop Beegan

  30. #120
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's do some jokes.

    Patient: 'Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'.'
    Doctor: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome....'
    Patient: 'Is it common?'
    Doctor: ”It's not unusual....
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

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