Please no racist ones.
Some Priest ones may be okay, as long as they are not directly offencive, but try to stay clear of them, unless it is not offencive and just funny, like the Preist and the Vodka joke.
Okay, we need a topic like this.
-Capo
Please no racist ones.
Some Priest ones may be okay, as long as they are not directly offencive, but try to stay clear of them, unless it is not offencive and just funny, like the Preist and the Vodka joke.
Okay, we need a topic like this.
-Capo
Why do you hate Freedom?
The US is marching backward to the values of Michael Stivic.
Three brothers in ireland used to frequent a local pub. then one moved to america, and another to australia. the lone brother still went to the pub, but now he ordered three beers, taking a sip from each in turn. the patrons watched him go through his ritual for some time before one of them asked why. one's for my brother in AMerica, one is for my brother in Australia, and one is for me.
FOr a while, the man didn't come into the pub, then one day he finally reappeared. Sitting down at the bar, he ordered two beers. he drank from one, then the other. after a few moments, a bloke came over to him and said, sorry about your bereavement
what bereavement? the brother asked.
well, you only ordered two beers the bloke replied.
the remaining brother held up one mug, This one is for my brother in america. this one is for my brother in australia. as for me, i quit drinking.
60+ new units – including the mighty Indian War Elephants, Persian immortals and Indian naked female archers.
Guy pulls up to a red light in his brand new $500,000 custom Ferrari, and notices an old guy on a moped next to him. The old guy looks over and says, My, that sure is a nice car.
You bet. Paid a half million for it, boasted the owner. It can do 320 MPH.
Would you mind my taking a look inside?
Not at all.
The old guy walks over and peeks in, It's just as purdy on the inside. You sure are lucky.
Bet you wish you owned one, don't you?
No, says the old guy, my little bike does everything I want.
The light turns green, and the Ferrari owner floors it with the old guy still standing beside the car. I'll show the old fool, he thought.
He quickly reaches 100 MPH and looks in the mirror to see a tiny dark speck, growing larger & larger. It's the old guy on the moped. Confused, he guns it up to 200MPH. Relaxing, he looks into the mirror again, and there's the little speck, gaining on him. In complete disbelief, he floors it to 300MPH. Seconds later, he looks up and there's the little speck. Totally confused and disgusted, he pulls to the side of the road, with the moped coming up beside him.
What do you want from me? the owner screamed.
Uhh, I was just wondering if you'd mind unhooking my suspenders from your side mirror.
Our greatest glory lies not in never having fallen, but in rising every time we fall. Oliver Goldsmith
roflOriginally Posted by [b
60+ new units – including the mighty Indian War Elephants, Persian immortals and Indian naked female archers.
Re: Jokes
Lol, a good one. Some more!
Re: Jokes
You serious? A 6 and a half year bump?
Re: Jokes
Says the guy who sigged that awesome backroom joke from KukriKhan and the Vietnamese villages.
Re: Jokes
How is that related. Especially since that post was made on 25/05/10.
Let's do some jokes.
The only part of the joke I got was the part that showed it shouldn't be here - Beirut
Last edited by Beirut; 03-02-2006 at 19:36.
Re: Let's do some jokes.
heh,
here's one (those of a non-mathematical/nerdy disposition turn away now!):
why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
...to get to the same side.
Re: Let's do some jokes.
Let us be wise in our choice of jokes. Too often these joke threads fall squarely into the realm of ethnic jokes and country bashing.
Please! Keep a Frontroom frame of mind when posting.
Unto each good man a good dog
Re: Let's do some jokes.
hey beirut, are sexual jokes kosher? or is that backroom fare?
(Double entendres are. Try to keep it clean though, please - Beirut)
Last edited by Beirut; 03-02-2006 at 20:58.
now i'm here, and history is vindicated.
Re: Let's do some jokes.
Here's one we used to tease my father with:
How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb? Do you know?
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Re: Let's do some jokes.
it's big and green and if it falls in your eye it hurts.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
what's the difference between a red and a yellow wall?
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
I know I've got my own kind of "humor".
Last edited by Moros; 03-02-2006 at 20:17.
Re: Let's do some jokes.
Edited posts always make me curious as to what all the fuss was about...
Why do I always arrive too late ?!
Last edited by Dutch_guy; 03-02-2006 at 20:14.
Re: Let's do some jokes.
eh? what now??
(Double entendres are. Try to keep it clean though, please - Beirut)
didn't I?
(No, you didn't - Beirut)
Last edited by Beirut; 03-03-2006 at 11:47.
Re: Let's do some jokes.
Let us be oh so very careful with our "jokes". If you think it's over the line then don't post it. Joke threads have led to multiple Warning Points and temp bans. Think before you post.
You are responsible for what you post and you will be held responsible for what you post.
Unto each good man a good dog
Re: Let's do some jokes.
What did hitler say to his men when he went to his tank?
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Re: Let's do some jokes.
Placed this one before but it's a funny one.
A farmer favourite rooster died, and the chickens won't lay any eggs until he has a new one, so he heads to town. At the petshop he sees the most magnificant rooster he has ever seen, perfection. The shopkeeper gives him a wink and says: 'you have a keen eye my friend, this animal is a gift from the gods, but be warned, this rooster is extremily sexual'.
'What is wrong with that' the farmer thinks, 'a good rooster makes lots of chickens' so he pays and drives home with his treassure. He introduces the rooster to the chickens, and within seconds a cloud of feather blocks his sight, a horrifying sight.... and the shreeks of panicking chickens doesn't help. When the air is clear again he sees his rooster, barely alive. He picks him up 'you got to pace yourselve my friend, this will kill you, you have to slow down a little'. All the rooster can do is nod before it falls asleep.
Next day is a nightmare. The dog, the cat, his wife, his daughter, all laying all over the place with a glaze of terror that chills the farmer to his bones. In the middle he finds his rooster, barely alive. 'We discussed this before sonny, there is no being on earth that can keep this up, this is madness, pace yourselve for the love of god'. All the rooster can do is nod before it's falls asleep.
It isn't the rooster that wakes him the next day, but the sirens and the screams of terror that come out of town. He immediatly realises what is going on and he speeds to town. It's a warzone, nothing can stop this thing. He has to be careful not to step on the victims, they are everywhere. And there it is, lying on the floor, dead. Vultures are allready closing in, the farmer kicks them away and checks out the rooster. Suddenly the rooster opens 1 eye 'you prick, I almost had them'.
Re: Let's do some jokes.
Heres a really bad one
So a lawyer reaches the pearly gates....
Tho' I've belted you an' flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
Re: Let's do some jokes.
Found that, and I will add one more:These were answers provided by sixth graders during a history test.
1. Mummies inhabited ancient Egypt and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is so bad that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them, we would not have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
4. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
5. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits and threw the java.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out, “Tee hee, Brutus”.
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen”. As a queen, she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah”.
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
10. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
11. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
12. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand”. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
13. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and was shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, an insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
14. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practised on an old spinster, which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half-German, half-Italian and half-English. He was very large.
15. Beethoven wrote music although he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
16. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
The Cold War was a war when people died frozen
Names, secret names
But never in my favour
But when all is said and done
It's you I love
Re: Let's do some jokes.
From a chat log:
My friend was caught speeding by a female cop. She was sayin his rights, and ended with "Anything you say will be held against you". My friend replied with:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Last edited by Beirut; 05-21-2008 at 11:14.
HOW ABOUT 'DEM VIKINGS
-Martok
Re: Let's do some jokes.
heres a joke....ur mom lololololololol
jk o course
Last edited by Kamakazi; 05-20-2008 at 00:22.
If living is nothing dieing is nothing then nothing is everything and everything is nothing
Re: Let's do some jokes.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer. When asked to define "great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"
A husband and wife came for counselling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
George Washington, George Bush and Bill Clinton were on a sinking ship. George Washington shouted "Save the women", George Bush cowardly shouted "Screw the women". Bill Clinton then said to George Bush:
Last edited by Omanes Alexandrapolites; 03-04-2009 at 18:21.
Dawn is nature's way of telling you to go back to bed
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks