Results 1 to 30 of 499

Thread: Jokes

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. 02-26-2012, 05:06 #1
    InsaneApache
    InsaneApache is offline
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Grand Duchy of Yorkshire
    Posts
    8,636



    Default Re: Jokes

    A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied,'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week,Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote Posted via Mobile Device   
  2. 02-26-2012, 07:44 #2
    a completely inoffensive name
    a completely inoffensive name is offline
    Ni dieu ni maître! Senior Member a completely inoffensive name's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    8,768
    Patron Hall of Fame 2010
    Total Awards: 2



    Default Re: Jokes

    A horse walks into a club.

    As expected, the bright lights and loud music agitate the horse and it had to be taken outside.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. 03-31-2012, 21:07 #3
    InsaneApache
    InsaneApache is offline
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Grand Duchy of Yorkshire
    Posts
    8,636



    Default Re: Jokes

    "Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens.
    "Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
    "German" she replies.
    “Occupation?"
    "No, just here for a few days"........."
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

    Member thankful for this post:

    Gregoshi 
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote Posted via Mobile Device   
  4. 04-02-2012, 15:30 #4
    The Wizard
    The Wizard is offline
    Tovenaar Senior Member The Wizard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    5,348
    Historian
    Total Awards: 1



    Default Re: Jokes

    Don't know if this has been posted here yet, but:

    What is "The Hunger Games" called in France?

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Battle Royale With Cheese
    "It ain't where you're from / it's where you're at."

    Eric B. & Rakim, I Know You Got Soul
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. 04-03-2012, 18:50 #5
    InsaneApache
    InsaneApache is offline
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Grand Duchy of Yorkshire
    Posts
    8,636



    Default Re: Jokes

    A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the M25. Nothing is moving.

    Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, ‘What’s going on?’

    ‘Terrorists down the road have hijacked a coach containing the Prime Minister David Cameron and his top aides Nick Clegg, George Osborne and Theresa May. They’re asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise they’re going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.

    ‘The driver asks, ‘How much is everyone giving, on average?

    ‘Well, most people are giving about a gallon.’
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote Posted via Mobile Device   
  6. 05-01-2012, 04:52 #6
    InsaneApache
    InsaneApache is offline
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Grand Duchy of Yorkshire
    Posts
    8,636



    Default Re: Jokes

    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

    A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop any time.

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and I can't put it down.

    PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

    I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

    Members thankful for this post (5):

    Hax, johnhughthom, Kralizec, rajpoot, Rhyfelwyr 
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote Posted via Mobile Device   
  7. 05-01-2012, 05:13 #7
    rajpoot
    rajpoot is offline
    Just another Member rajpoot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Neverland
    Posts
    2,810
    Code of Honour
    Total Awards: 1



    Default Re: Jokes

    Excellent one liners


    The horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules

Single Sign On provided by vBSSO