Cheating

[mercian billman]

Last week my 16 year old cousin emailed me with a problem. His problem was he had a girlfriend but cheated on her. He wrote he felt bad, and all the rest. He asked what I thought about and my reply was,

Well Brian (name changed to protect the innocent) it really doesn't matter if you cheated on your girlfriend. By having pre-marital sex you've already cheated on god.

If it's advice you want I suggest you consider who's being cheated here. The only person being cheated is your girlfriend obviously you and the new chick are having fun from all this and 2 out of 3 ain't bad

God really doesn't care if you have sex with 1 person or 1 million if your not married he's pretty damn angry.

Do you guys think this is good advice? All my friends tell my it's horrible and you should be faithful to your women etc. but seriously these are the same guys that dump their girls when a better looking girl shows intrest

I think the org patrons are sufficiently more mature, and would be better able to judge the quality of my advice.

[Ja'chyra]

The boy's only 16, give him a break.

If your God is going to send him to burn in hell for experimenting when he's young maybe he should consider changing religions.

I think you were way too harsh.

[mercian billman]

I was being a little sarcastic here Did you read the second paragraph?

Poor lad is probably more confused than ever

[Ja'chyra]

On the other hand, if God is already angry and he is going to hell anyway...............he might as well make the most of it.

[Si GeeNa]

Well, does he have a reason valid sufficiently to cheat?

I mean, if your gal doesn't aqueise(sp) to sex, then its your right as a 16yo kid to cheat

If your gal is just not [bleeped], then its less mitigating.

GAH

[Ja'chyra]

Quote[/b] ]I mean, if your gal doesn't aqueise(sp) to sex, then its your right as a 16yo kid to cheat

If your gal is just not [bleeped], then its less mitigating.

Lol, what more can you say to that.

[Hetman_Koronny]

IMO cheating is always wrong. He's hurting the other girl. I know he's 16 and it is all very immature and thus pretty much harmless (hopefully), but...
What is important, I think, is how is your brother going to learn to treat women and relationships. This is where, I believe, you should try to impose values on him. You see what I mean?

Don't chase him with God, unless you are perfectly sure it will make him act this or other way. Don't be sarcastic about it either - the boy should feel some respect.

And foremost keep in mind that it is just my opinion based on my set of values. Your can be different and you should stick to it...

[dessa14]

i never cheat, but that is because im a romantic.
thanks,
desmond

my advice would be to tell him to tread lightly if he wishes to walk this path.
just remember relationship rumours spread like bushfire.

just remember women are sadistic if they find out you've been messing up, and you could end up in alot more trouble then you could possibly believe.
i got into alot of trouble for telling a girl that she was ranting in a school workgroup.

[Beirut]

I will not cheat.

(But the second I get permission, I'm bringing home a another chick for the both of us. )

[KukriKhan]

Steady, Lads. Language. Keep it PG-13.
Thanks.

[The Blind King of Bohemia]

Your only young once. The idea of being loyal to one person in a relationship just baffles me. I like women too much to be loyal to one

[Spino]

I've never cheated on a girlfriend and I don't intend to start. However, I've also never been in a serious, long term relationship (no regrets about that one). Whenever someone else comes along that I fancy I leave the current girl and give chase.

[zelda12]

Not that I have much experience, but I would of said cheating on a girl is very wrong because it can be emotionaly damaging and can scar them emotionaly. Then you should of said, and remember if either of them catch you they'll put your balls in a vice and squeeze. As you can guess singing high soprano at sixteen is not a very pleseant thing.

Thats my advice also if you were being sarcastic about the god thing you should of said. And be sure to watch out in a thunderstorm because Gods got itchy trigger fingers now.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Having your cake and eating it too...ah, I wish I could do that...

[solypsist]

when your 16 yr old gets married - then it'll be threadworthy.

[Xiahou Liao]

It's wrong. Period.

You should've reprimanded him. Early discipline is the key to success. I'm only sixteen myself and I've had thoughts of my girlfriend's friend...This one...she was wearing a...nevermind.

The point is, I didn't do it, even though she gave me some signs she had intrest in me. I love my girlfriend, we've been together for 9 months on the 17th. I know she doesn't cheat on me because she's either with her mother, her grandparents, her sisters, or me.
I'm even friendly to her 12 year old sister, so I know she would tell me if my girlfriend cheated on me. I can cheat on her, it'd be easy. But I don't want to nor I have the desire.

Your cousin had the desire, and he fell into the sinful lust. I am not religious, I am a humanist. Tell him that if he does not stray from that path, he will lead his life into the dirt and will not become a successful person.
I know someone who's done that to themselves, and now they're in a world of shxt.

I know teenagers will have the desire to hump every good looking girl in their path, including some of the teens will hump anything with two legs that walks.
But the way I prevented my urges for my girlfriend's friend...well you see I'm in luck for my girlfriend is Bi and she likes pr0n. So we looked at it together...Yeah...

Anyway, I know my girlfriend has told me before that while we were embracing together, she accidently imagined I was keenu reeves( with the long hair ) once. Yeah, I did the same but with her friend. :: cough. :: I told her I accidently imagined her as her friend. Lmao. She looked at me funny and agreed she was hot.

But in the end, the point is, I stayed loyal to her and will until our relationship is over. Even then I will still be her friend. But hopefully, the relationship never ends until death...but we'll see how fate has this played out for us.

[ Sorry if my words offend anyone, I was just trying to get my points acrossed moderators ]

[mercian billman]

BTW, Im not religous either Im a diest.

I can understand why 16 year olds would want to have sex and be with someone else. I just don't get why people think you have to remain loyal to someone at 16. If you really love the other person then more power to you but, the fact is most 16 year olds (guys mostly) don't really love their girlfriend. Liking someone and loving someone are two different things.

The only person you have to worry about cheating on is your wife.

[BDC]

Simple. You, your cousin and some mates go find the guy she cheated with, break his legs, and then tie him naked upside down to a lamp post somewhere remote.

I'm 16 though, nothing is particularly solid or reliable. This is the one time of your life you are allowed to be hopeless and inept. Enjoy it.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Quote[/b] (BDC @ July 14 2004,23:44)]Simple. You, your cousin and some mates go find the guy she cheated with, break his legs, and then tie him naked upside down to a lamp post somewhere remote.

I'm 16 though, nothing is particularly solid or reliable. This is the one time of your life you are allowed to be hopeless and inept. Enjoy it.

Um...he cheated on his girlfriend, not the other way around...

Of course, you may be aware of this and simply be advocating limb-breaking. Either way, I'm cool with it.

[BDC]

Quote[/b] (Big King Sanctaphrax @ July 14 2004,23:53)]

Quote[/b] (BDC @ July 14 2004,23:44)]Simple. You, your cousin and some mates go find the guy she cheated with, break his legs, and then tie him naked upside down to a lamp post somewhere remote.

I'm 16 though, nothing is particularly solid or reliable. This is the one time of your life you are allowed to be hopeless and inept. Enjoy it.

Um...he cheated on his girlfriend, not the other way around...

Of course, you may be aware of this and simply be advocating limb-breaking. Either way, I'm cool with it.

Yeah, the important bit is the espirit-de-corps it creates, makes people feel better.

Just make sure he isn't in the mafia or something.

[Don Corleone]

I don't know about this one. If they were just fooling around and not engaging in actual intercourse, that'd be one thing. But ho'ing around can lead to diseases. There's plenty of ways to enjoy being young and widening your sexuality without bringing that level of risk into your and your girlfriend's life.

Not to mention, I'd have to say if you cheat in relationships, you can't say you're an honest person. I'm not saying people who have sex before they are married are immoral, but if you tell somebody 'we're exlcusive' then go behind their back, well, you have limited character in my eye.

[Navaros]

yes fornication is wrong and it ticks God off a lot

however, that is NO EXSCUSE to break someone's heart

no honorable person would cheat.

cheating should be illegal, and carry a minimum 5 year prison sentence. that's how utterly disgusting it is

nothing feels worse then having someone who you love betray you.

only a total A-hole (hopefully that is PG13 if not feel free to edit) would ever cheat. and those A-holes will get what's coming to them. the curses and afflictions God sends for cheating will be far worse than the ones sent for just fornicating

what goes around comes around, to any cheating A-holes who may have read this post

[Lehesu]

Discipline is the key to character and getting what you want from the world. If he can't control his body's sexual urges enough to maintain a relationship, he certainly won't have the restraint to work hard to get what he wants and will not have the restraint needed to make farsighted decisions. I always remind myself that it is my mind that should have the most say in my actions, not my emotions or impetuous urges.

[mercian billman]

A five year sentence for cheating huh?

Seriously Navaros there's some girls who's hearts will broken no matter what. Like when you say tell them you want to break up, they start crying.

Are you telling me it's my fault if my girlfriend cries when I break up with her? Or a girls fault a guy can't move on with his life after he gets dumped?

I think the key to a good relationship is establishing ground rules. For example no cheating would be one, others that I've established in the past are,

-No sex.
-If one of us get's hit in the face with a shovel were done.
-I will not talk on the phone for more than 30 minutes.
-We will not become emotional co-dependents.
-If either of us feels the need to break up for any reason, the other person will respect the desire and we will move on and try to remain amicable with each other.

Thats all I can think of off the top of my head and, no I don't make girls sign a contract

[Ja'chyra]

I was feeling a bit down this morning, but this thread has cheered me up no end, keep up the good work.

[mercian billman]

Quote[/b] (Ja'chyra @ July 15 2004,02:32)]I was feeling a bit down this morning, but this thread has cheered me up no end, keep up the good work.

Thanks Ja'chyra

[LittleGrizzly]

aslong as he wears a condom its all good

[Tachikaze]

Split decision for me.

I think people should stop getting so uptight about sex. They blow it way out of proportion, which is why pornography is such a healthy business.

On the other hand, I think deceiving someone who loves you is a moral crime.

The guy can fool around all he wants to. But he should either leave his girlfriend first or be open to her about seeing others.

He's being greedy and heartless by doing it on the sly.

[rasoforos]

First comment:

I think we have waaaay to many fundamentalists in there...

Second comment:

Ok the guy is just 16 , if he doesnt do it now when is he gonna do it? At that age its your time to experiment , do stuff that you find intriguing. Cheating and having parallel relationships are something most people do at that age , i have done it too. hy do i think this is beneficial? Because you ve been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and you dont find it thrilling anymore when you are an adult and really bond with someone emotionaly.
Ok some other comments , some of you guys say 'no sex' is beneficiary in a good relationship...Have you actually EVER had sex? Well let me tell you that its very important. A partner you are incompatible with is a really bad idea for long term relationships and marriage. Leave that factor to chance and you ve got a perfect recipe for a failed marriage after 3-4 years...believe me good sex from bad sex are lightyears away from eachother.
Another comment is about diseases. You WONT get an STD just by having many partners. You ll get it by being ignorant to the protection needed. To say that abstinence is a solution is like saying that staying at home forever is a solution against traffic acidents.


As for th guy:
Well tell him that what happened has allready happened. Its good that it happened now and not later and its no big deal. Tell him that if God wanted him to have sex only after marriage then he would grow his 'johnson' only after he gets to wear his ring...

[mercian billman]

First off I've never had sex and am proud of my virginity and Im not a fundamentalist, Im a diest.

I personally think sex really isn't that important in a realationship. I mean there are other measures of compatability besides sex and if their not in place the best sex in the world will not keep a relationship going.

Condoms will not prevent all STDs like Herpes and such.