To help pass the time!

[Armchair Athlete]

I think Axeknight has made the best noob post for far praising XBox.

[discovery1]

COpy and pasted form the .com

TO WHO MAY CONCERN THERE HAS ONLY BEEN ONE EMPIRE THAT IS THE BRITISH EMPIRE!!! THE AMERICANS ARE REBELS AND ALWAYS SHALL BE SUBJECTS TO THE BRITISH REALM AND THE SOONER THEY KNOW THERE PLACE SO WILL THERE COUNTRY BENEFIT FROM OUR GREAT COUNTRY.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Oaty]

Will RTW be just like the BETA model I tested.





























OOPS!!!!! I forgot about the disclaimer I agreed to not to mention I was a beta tester. HEHE now that I have everyones envy I was'nt 1 one of those lucky (master)beta testers nope no envy here
Now to my nooby questions




Do I need a master giraffe breeder along with a master horse breeder to get those longneck horses or is it triggered by an event?

Also after a battle with flaming pigs will there be a feast? And will this boost morale or have a negative morale effect due to wasting the food supply?

Who wants to go have a battle with flaming pigs only (you know this will happen)

When I'm up against the Germans and they are flashing there manliness can I rear my horse to make him flash his goodies and would this be a good counter tactic especially if they have cavalry that could be intimidated by this.

Why are'nt the Barbarians dumb and let me set up all my catapults and entrench my army on a nice defensive hill just like they were historically portrayed in the movie Gladiator. Everytime I go to set up they either fallback or in the middle of setting up I get ambushed from the rear.

And my final question WHY IS THE AI SO STUPID. This is the 3rd series and still I somtimes sit there with archers and legionaires refuse to move, thats not so bad but if they are going to stand there they shouyld at least go into the tortouse shell agggghhh!!!! aghhhhhh!!!! agggggh !!!!!!! Agggggh

[Axeknight]

I've done mine, but I was looking through the .com forums, and I found this:

While watching the trailer for the German faction on the new interactive total war site:

www.totalwar.com/game/main.html

I noticed toward the end a woman attacking a soldier with an AX. To see it clearly, just place your mouse click over the moving knob under the trailer screen and stop it from moving. If you calibrated backward and forward you will see a "BIG BUSTED - 36 DD BREAST SIZE" German Barbarian woman with a red fure hat attacking an enemy with an AX. CHECK IT OUT ...!

The thing is, it's froggy's noob post. For real. I think he's being sarcastic. I hope he's being sarcastic.

[frogbeastegg]

n00bs are easy to predict; once you have seen one n00b "OMG!!1!! B00bs!!11!" post you have seen them all.

Question: How to n00bs manage to get 1's in their copious exclamation marks anyway? All you have to do is hold down shift and 1 and you don't get numbers, see: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Axeknight]

n00bs are easy to predict; once you have seen one n00b "OMG!!1!! B00bs!!11!" post you have seen them all.

Noobs just like boobs, I suppose *drums*. Sorry, but I had to.

Question: How to n00bs manage to get 1's in their copious exclamation marks anyway? All you have to do is hold down shift and 1 and you don't get numbers, see: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know. For the same reason they manage to make LOL into OOOLLOLOLOOOLO, I imagine.

It really isn't hard to hold the shift key down. How are you managing to play TW games without the ability to hold the shift key down anyway? And there was me thinking noobs are button bashers.

[Dead Moroz]

Hi! I'm old here. I'm very old... So, remind me, please, what game are we talking about?

[crazyviking03]

Haha, There are also the noobs that appologize like twelve times in their post like "sorry if this is the wrong forum" or "sorry, I havent been keeping up" or "sorry i just am excited" or "sorry i am new"


SHUT UP!!! YOU ARN'T SORRY!!!! IF YOU WERE YOU WOULDNT BE POSTING THIS STUPID @#%$!!!

:

[Sjakihata]

Hi

I am sorry. I am really sorry that I am sorry, it is not my intention to be sorry, for that I am very sorry. Furthermore, I would like this occasion to express how sorry I am, sorry for the poor, sorry for my typos, I am simply just sorry, so sorry.

I am sorry I could not help it

[Leet Eriksson]

heyguys su[p?i'm new heer an di wolud liek to now about the gamez release date?coz i cant wait for ti coz the game si graet lololololz teh grafix totally blew me off!i mean it wuz totally ubar!!11 i really leik teh screaming womans they look ubar in teh pr0n mod lololololz! once teh game si released i will make teh streategy guide for it coz i was really l337 in medevil total warz game i really pwnz alot of noobs init.

for now i wants to ask some questions:

1.why teh spartan hoplights have teh baseball cap on there haed?!??!!they look like they watch alot of baseball gamez i think greecks used to play baseball and teh US imported it from teh greecks.

2.where iz astrix and oblicks???they used to pwn alot of romanian noobs lolololz the ghouls look stupid without teh astrix and oblicks and getafix making potion for them lolololz.

3.who si hannibal???!i thought he wuz taht guy who was in silence of teh sheep movie? whats he called in rl?anthony hopkins or summat...

4.wuts so great about alexander the great?

5.where are teh orcks?in teh lotr movie there wuz alot of orcks, makes the game more fun with teh orcks!dont forget dwarves and elves and dragonz yeah dragons are l337!!

6.since teh game is based on hardcore history where is hereculeaz?mebbe make him a greeck hero so he can pwnz he must be ubar expensive and ubar powerful so he can pwnz entire armies.

7.who are teh macedonians?they play alot on mac computarz? lolololz

ok thats ti for teh questionz i'll catch ya later noobz and thanks for teh answerz one teh game si released i'll make liek an ubar mod tat will haev all sorts of cool stuff init, like teh orcks and teh elves or summat.

[Chimpyang]

A well brought up, polite frog like myself wouldn't know if the kool krowd would say that or not

i'd like to add a translation for froggy's "kool krowd"

kool krowd - Townies...........you know it makes sense.....

[nightcrawlerblue]

OMG DUDZ!!!! TEH RMOE TTAL WAR COMIN OUT!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!???!!?!?!??!1111?1

CAN i MAK MASHINE GUNNERZ OMG?!!!! OMG TAT WOULD BE TEH ROXXORZ!!!!!111 L337!

OMG i GONNA BE TEH ORME TOTL WAR CHAMPEON! I'LL BEAT ALL YOUR ***ES OMG!!!! YOU TEH SUXXORZ OMG!!!!111 i MAKE TEH 400 ARPLANEZ AND BMOB U TO OBLIVEEAN!!!111 OMG!

How was that?

EDIT: fixed a few errors that were punctuated correctly...

[nightcrawlerblue]

I've done mine, but I was looking through the .com forums, and I found this:


The thing is, it's froggy's noob post. For real. I think he's being sarcastic. I hope he's being sarcastic.

Hey if you look closely you actually can see a large-breasted woman... Uh... Not that I checked... Uh...


~:p

[SeveredSoul]

Good thread

Thank God I F0uN|) T|-|][s PlAc3 F][rSt.

Man I hate typing or just reading that 1337 CRAP. 6 years of CS made me wanna' get into that game and just hit the console and type /kill

"Terrosists Win."

GAH!



0====[========> S3v3r3dS0uL

[Blodrast]

hey, oaty: I dunno about n00bish, but definitely funny
faisal: R0FL

keep it up d00dz

Edit: btw, I believe froggy might have a point; we don't have nearly enough comments on boobs; wtf kind of noobs are we if among all of us only one mentions boobs ?? and that's a frog ! uhm, i mean, a girl ...erm, i mean...well, you know what i mean.

[frogbeastegg]

I think everyone who posts here should get a degree in 'n00bish as a foreign language'.

Blodrast is right, you lot are a bunch of slackers! Everyone knows that n00bs have a certain obsession with CGI females! I was expecting at least two posts asking which female RTW character was the da h0tz!!1! You people are just too mature for this n00bish topic

Valid alternatives also include comparing RTW female models to female characters from games like FFX-2, Tomb Raider and Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball. Commenting of whether the models have realistic jiggle or not is also n00bish.

You also lose points for missing the oppertunity to make a l33t comment about how "teh scr3aming w0m3nz will really be scr3aming wh3n th3y s33 my k1t ;) LolOlollooll!!!!11!!1 Im da manz!!!!1!!1!"

The things a frog has to suffer through when reading most game sites, the horror! The horror!

[Kongamato]

Well, from what I'm reading here, the .com has turned into a beachhead for the masses of ego-tripping, eye-candy-loving f00ls known as the Pizzaface Legion. It'll be a hard task, but the Intellectual Insurgency of Totalwar veterans and history buffs can claim a victory if they are able to maintain a sense of order and prestige until Half-Life 2 comes out. The Legion will crawl back into the woodwork of FPS that they came from and when they get bored with FPS again they'll all go play Battle for Middle-Earth. The purity of the Total War community will be restored.

[R'as al Ghul]

Hi Ladies!

God! All those n00bie posts!? What's this place?
Anyways did you see the units at the .com?
Completely unhistoric if you ask me. The shields, helmets
and weapons, they got it all wrong. Lol and the egyptian faction is the best.
Do they ever look into history books over at CA?
Whatever, you n00bs wouldn't understand me anyway.
I'll better post at the .com again.

[Monk]

"Omfg did youz guyz s33 th47 EL3PH4N7?!????!!!!!111

WheNs tHiS g4mz is Ou7 i'll cruSh 4ll YOu P4tyhetic RoM3s meNs and carthis uS3rs becuz you all SuXor! I R 1337 H4XoR! HAHAHA!!!

Th3 Only WAy y0u w1ll EVER b347 m3 is W!7h teh Fl4miN pigs, Or T3h BurNg pings Waht 3v3R 73h heLl yOu c4Ll 7h3m....HAHAHAHA I SAID H3LL!!!

And theez N4ked B4rb4ri4ns! HAH Th3Y Go7 nO clothes! MY LEgioNs Stomp Them! I AM t3H Uber 1337ness Inc4Rn473!

4lL uOU b00ns Di3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


btw...boon is (as you may have guessed) noob backwards....

[Lord of the Isles]

I want to know if ill need a nu machine to run RTW or if mine is good enuf. I have

11.25 GHz Athlonian cpu
Geforce-be-with-u MXX5000 graphics card (987 Mb)
2 terabytes memory
wireless mouse, wireless hub, wireless cables
500 Mb/sec broadband
Mouse pad with nekid Britney Spears on it

Im not posting to get u jealous. Well, maybe a bit.

[lonewolf371]

OMG!!!!!???1A;OIHJ;AOHGAOIWUFY3WIOUAOUCHGAG TEH BOOBIES R TOTLAKLYWHALGA TEH AWESOMEESHTAWAROWHJAPOGH11!!!!!!!!! OMG TEH ROMANS USED PIG OMG PAOGHUAP4Y18193650971350915UYP91T8 OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOM OMGOAHGAOSIHDGAGAAGGOGOGOAOWHAOGOAGOAGYAOWYUNNBEHTLLIKEHTTACEHT DOOM# AAWAS STILL THE 1337 HAX0R B3570R OMGAOGJHA;G TEH BOOBS R AWESOME OMGOQJ2H9P15PY19357YHAGHUAUGHTAGASG

OT: Sorry but if you look closely in my post you'll find "The cat killed the bunny" amongst that gibberish, a word search to pass your time!

[Oaty]

Hi

I am sorry. I am really sorry that I am sorry, it is not my intention to be sorry, for that I am very sorry. Furthermore, I would like this occasion to express how sorry I am, sorry for the poor, sorry for my typos, I am simply just sorry, so sorry.

I am sorry I could not help it

Face it Sjakihata you are 1 SORRY donkey loser, Its not to bad theres these places called country bars and have a lots of people just like you to hang out with and if your lucky they might even play a song that has your life story in it

[Quid]

RTW ? What does that stand for then ? Is it a game where you can shoot others ? Can I have upgrades on my guns...errrmm...no, really, what is this all about then ?

Quid

[crazyviking03]

So many noobs! ah!


MORE BOOBS!!

[Dead Moroz]

New unit at the .com - Spartan Goblins.

[Gregoshi]

Excellent n00bie post Lord of the Isles! Between visiting RTW, UT2004 and Doom 3 forums, I've seen more of these kind of posts than I care to remember. Your post roxxx!

[crazyviking03]

Yes, Lord of Isles is now a main contender!

[HicRic]

Hi all LOLZ

my fifth cousin's twin brother's father's mother's sister made this game! so i kno all the kool stufff about it liek their r gonna be pigs and flaming elephants and giraffees and stuff and these romanz who can turn into tortoises! after they do that they can hurl heads and stuff!!111oneelevenonehundredandeleven

so yeah LOLLL anyway I hav a this game already and its good i liek playin as the martians coz they invade from pluto with their lazerguns cuz i kno a kool cheat. they have flaming roman elephant head hurlers!11

LOLZ OMG WTF THNX P-CE

[Blodrast]

OMG SPARTAN GBLOIN !!!11!! OMG 1 will pwn U lusers!!
and it luks sooo historically accurate, 2 ;)

HAF (historically-accurate fanatic) n00b

ps. looks really cool, Dead Moroz

[Inuyasha12]

Oh my god i can't beleive this game is finally coming out!!11!!1112!!
IM SO HAPPY!!1!
ROFLMAO

Im sorry if this is the wrong place, im new, i've been hanging around here but never really joined until now, why i don't know. and this is my first post
Anyways i want to know if you can ride the flaming pigs, that would be like so awsome!!11!!

I know it's not historical, but screw history
I would put knights in the flaming pigs!!1

And i think the chinese should get guns, ya knaw cause the invinted gunpowder, they should get like muskets or smthing