New unit : pitchfork phalanx

[Oaty]

Yes thats right, as we speak there is a peasant mob froming outside of the creative assembly demanding the late release of the demo immediately. At first it was just some people forming outside grabbing pitchforks or whatever they could but have now started organising and there training in the phalanx formation and is now looking like a formiddable force to contend with. The local police have refused to come in and break up this riot, as it is believed they also wait anxiously for a playable demo also. It appears this riot was well planned and before the headquarters was surrounded the vending machines were raided and all twinkies were confiscated and resupplied with rammen noodles and nothing else. Also there were mass amounts of coffee dumped off before the lockdown began.

[DemonArchangel]

lol, nice going fans.

[Oaty]

It seems this rebelling is getting stronger and appears a new unit is evolving as people from New York have flown in with hanguns. They are calling this Unit New York Handgunners. Although quite poor at a distance are deadly within 2 yards as they are very disciplined and almost never fire until just shy of melee range and start capping the heads of the enemy. They only carry 7 rounds but this is no delight to the enemy as they are also well experienced for close range combat. Do'nt laugh at that little dagger they carry as many oponents were'nt the last ones laughing.

[Colovion]

I believe a correspondant is inside the building. Yes. Yes he's reporting that the mood there is very tense but feverish. He says that there isn't much talking but a lot of anxious glances and shakey hands. Some employees have been noted to have attempted to contact their families with carrier pidgeons. This exemplifies their nervousness, especially when one employee was discovered to have tied a note to his telephone and hurled it out the window.

The throng below have now fabricated Anti-Telephone devices after the injury. They are +3 Def vs Falling Telephones and should not be tested in such a manner again; they are incredibly adaptive to methods used against them.

[Inuyasha12]

"Heavy infantry carring garbage can shields and football helmets have begun assaulting the CA headquarters. Armed with powerfull siege engines such as potato guns have begun the siege.
Many climbing up the makeshift stairs are being doused by burning coffee, the CA are badly outnumbered but the hold the BETA copies and will protect them at all costs.

This is trisha takanawa back to you john"

He he he, i love family guy.

[SeveredSoul]

It is being reported from inside the CA headquarters that the Developers have been trying to devise some sort of escape plan. Using the latest issues of the Rome:Total War BETA, and their in-house BETA testers, Developers have been working around the clock. Looking for someway to counter this unrully mob gathered outside the Creative Assembly offices.

A statement issued today by the Pitchfork Phalanx stated that the seige that is currently in progress will continue up to, and until either a Demo is released or a solid release date of Rome:Total War is announced. In the Pitchfork camp the mood is tense. Just like most soldiers in the past, the Pitchfork troops say that it's the waiting that is the worst part. In a part of the encampment this reporter witnessed 4 men stabbing a pig with their ever present pitchforks, they then set fire to the pig, laughed, and when it was all over they had ham for supper. When questioned about their actions, the obvious leader of this group responded with

"We're bored! Sick and tired of this waiting and speculation!"

Then with a chilling smile asked me.

"You got a problem with 'dat?"

This journalist beat a hasty retreat. Reporting from inside the Pitchfork Phalanx encampment, this is Rick Phog.

[SeveredSoul]

It is being reported from inside the CA headquarters that the Developers have been trying to devise some sort of escape plan. Using the latest issues of the Rome:Total War BETA, and their in-house BETA testers, Developers have been working around the clock. Looking for someway to counter this unrully mob gathered outside the Creative Assembly offices.

A statement issued today by the Pitchfork Phalanx stated that the seige that is currently in progress will continue up to, and until either a Demo is released or a solid release date of Rome:Total War is announced. In the Pitchfork camp the mood is tense. Just like most soldiers in the past, the Pitchfork troops say that it's the waiting that is the worst part. In a part of the encampment this reporter witnessed 4 men stabbing a pig with their ever present pitchforks, they then set fire to the pig, laughed, and when it was all over they had ham for supper. When questioned about their actions, the obvious leader of this group responded with

"We're bored! Sick and tired of this waiting and speculation!"

Then with a chilling smile asked me.

"You got a problem with 'dat?"

This journalist beat a hasty retreat. Reporting from inside the Pitchfork Phalanx encampment, this is Rick Phog.

[Oaty]

The assault was finally pulled back after much finagling. The generals and lietenants were at discontent with each other as it needed to be reemphisized the perpose of this siege. The assault today may have put a delay onto the release of the game and this was not the intent. The intent was to lock them down and not allow them to leave depriving them of there freedom forcing them to put full efforts into the game. Now that everthing is under control I have decided to give each of INUYASHA12's heavy infantry 25 lashings for lacking discipline. Also he is being held captive for the time being as there seems to be rumors that he accepted bribes from other software publishers and distributers to egg on assault that could have possibly canned the RTW project.

As far as SEVERED SOUL, I was very dissaponted that he egged on some of my peasants to break discipline to be entertained by squealing pigs. For now I will do nothing and let todays punishment of Inuyasa's troops be an example. And should the food supply start running short, he will be the first to be rationed on rammen noodles and coffee only.

It also appears there is another group forming to join this siege. It is a group of Californians who fight side by side next to there boyfriends. They are calling themselves the Californian Sacred Band. Although they carry no weapons, are still a threat should they enclose in on the enemy. It is believed this group will increase productivity by 50 percent because it is fearedthat should an assault occur they will be the first ones in

[SeveredSoul]

As always I try to be as honest and truthful with my reporting. As such I would like to respond to General Oaty. In my tour of your encampment and your seigeworks I met many troops who were happy to just be there with all of their cohorts. The many Pitchfork soldiers that I spoke with were the nicest of people.

That being said, I must admit that the incident of which I wrote was the ONLY incident that I witnessed. Also I have to admit that I came back and had some delicious ham with those four troopers. They told me of their homes and famlies, and said that they wished that they could be home. But their mission in this siege was far from done and they were determined to see this action to the end.

I admire the troops of the Pitchfork Phalanx and wish them the best, and a satisfactory end to this siege. Reporting from the Pitchfork Phalanx siege of CA Headquarters. This is Rick Phog.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

It has been reported that Brig. Gen Caporegime has arrived with his Italian Pissant Brigade. Armed with Sawed off Shotguns and molotov cocktails they have began laying seige to CA headquarters. It is feared that they may burn down the building before any beta copies of RTW can be seized.

[Oaty]

SeveredSoul nice try but do expect me to believe everything the media says and all of there excuses. Although I have now gotten all the facts from my peasants. I have to forgive you as I was told it was yr camera crew that had instigated the event. But I will say I would'nt be the least bit surprised if you were the one ordering your crew to do this. Anyways keep your crew in under control as if another incedent should come up (and you the culprit) you will be imprisoned for a week with only rammen noodles and coffee.

Well as far as Inuyasha12 I have to release him for now as his undiscplined barbarians are posing a threat of internal struggle in this siege. All further interrigations have been terminated, to allow good order throughtout the ranks. For now guard duties have been doubled and for tactical reasons the heavy infantry barbarians have been split into 2 for protecting the flanks. Also all communications between ranks is forbidden.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

SeveredSoul nice try but do expect me to believe everything the media says and all of there excuses. Although I have now gotten all the facts from my peasants. I have to forgive you as I was told it was yr camera crew that had instigated the event. But I will say I would'nt be the least bit surprised if you were the one ordering your crew to do this. Anyways keep your crew in under control as if another incedent should come up (and you the culprit) you will be imprisoned for a week with only rammen noodles and coffee.

Well as far as Inuyasha12 I have to release him for now as his undiscplined barbarians are posing a threat of internal struggle in this siege. All further interrigations have been terminated, to allow good order throughtout the ranks. For now guard duties have been doubled and for tactical reasons the heavy infantry barbarians have been split into 2 for protecting the flanks. Also all communications between ranks is forbidden.

General Oaty if you think that your orders apply to my troops you are sadly mistaken, however, due to the circumstances I agree with your decision and I shall follow suit. However, if you try to command my troops like they are your own, you shall face a military coup.
(this is fun aint it?)

[DemonArchangel]

General DemonArchangel's army of {LORE} arrive outside CA. They're all dressed up as half-naked screaming barbarians (some with guns)
General Demon fires his anachronistic Desert Eagle into the air to get everyone to shut up. Then he gives a pre-battle speech.

Demon: TOTALWAR FANS! HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THIS ****!? ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO WAIT FOR A DEMO, SICK AND TIRED OF HISTORICALLY INACCURATE UNITS? MAKE YOUR DEMANDS HEARD! TAKE THE CA TEAM HOSTAGE AND FORCE THEM TO PROGRAM TO YOUR WILL!!!

[IrishMike]

Yes bob, I have information that Captain ColdKnight has arrived with a rag-tag bunch of knights from the cold regions. They are well armed with bows and macheties they raided from a local hunting store and some have pistols. It seems that he searching the camp for the location of the Supreme Head Commander for when he should issue the charge on CA special unit..... The Guard of the First Lobby.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Captain Crazed Rabbit has arrived with a band of Eastern Washingtonians and Idahonians. Though the city dwellers of western Washington, are, for the most part, wussy city dwellers, the E.W.'s are tough farming men. The E.W.'s are armed with all manner of rifles, shotguns, and pistols, and also many types of frightening farming implements which they use for close combat. They have also brought with them massive farm machines that, if need be, can be turned into devastating siege weapons. There is also a rumor that there are a few prototypes of a devastating new type of "apple gatling gun".

The Idahonians are even more militant than the E.W.'s. Armed with the latest in civilian assualt rifles and combat shotguns, they are drawn from the survivalist militias in the deep woods of Idaho. They also carry armor-piercing potato guns.

Captain Crazed Rabbit, or El Capitan, has said that his purpose is not only to force the long-overdue release of the demo, but to force CA to unlock factions, though he will allow the brave General Oaty to direct the coalition.

El Capitan has called for a policy of only allowing food to pass through the siege after the demo has been released, and then only after they can show definate progress. He would also like to discuss the possibility of contnuing the siege until CA makes RTW more historically accurate after the demo has been released.

Advisors close to him say that he becomes consumed with rage when he thinks about how the 'Hollywood' faction took over CA. Such people would do well to cower in fear in the wastebaskets if the CA offices are stormed.

It is at the moment unknown how long the people of CA can survive on their bagged lunches. As the siege has been going on some hours, some are speculating that it is only a matter of time before the pet animals, or office mascots, are consumed.

[Inuyasha12]

This is getting out of hand. reinforcements have arrived from other CA headquarters. By digging a hole underground they've managed to enter the building safely. They've also let loose flaming pigs to distract the angry mob. The troops that had arrived from cirque de solei armed with elephants went out of control and the elephants are trashing all around the encampment.

They and the pigs were then shot dead.

[SeveredSoul]

As the days of Summer drag into Fall, er Autumn. (And I'm a yank )
The situation in the Pitchfork Pahlanx encampment gets even more tense. In the aftermath of the elephant stampede that occured here mere hours ago, an event the troops are calling "The Gray Rush of '04", a mere handfull of soliders died but, the memory is very fresh in their minds.

Sources close to the Pitchfork High Command say that General Oaty is hurt by the unnessary losses and was saying just hours before that he felt the addition of the elephant forces was "overkill". The High Command is meeting at this very moment in order to issue a statement and offer compensation to the famlies of the victims of "The Gray Rush of '04".

In the wake of the recent events the morale of the Pitchfork troops remain high. Soliders, content with the command decisions of General Oaty say that the sige is proceding well in light of The Rush. However they hope that they will be able to return home sometime in late September.

Reporting from the Pitchfork Pahlanx Encampment and the Siege of CA. This is Rick Phog.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Brigadier Caporegime led a small squad of combat engineers he hired from the nearest bar to destroy CA's reinforcement tunnel. Several Pigs and maytag repairmen were killed in the process. More to come...

[The_Emperor]

Following a roar of engines in the distance a large group of British Bikers turns up... These British Road Warriors make up a fearsome shock unit. Adorned with strange biker tattoos and a thirst for battle, they inspire fear in enemy troops.

The Unit Leader orders them to take up formation beside the Pitchfork Phalanx... and the Road Warriors start to taunt CA employees cowering in the office windows.

In the meantime the 'Screaming women' from Greenpeace (who strongly object to the mistreatment of Pigs in RTW), take up position behind them, their screaming growing ever louder...

[Oaty]

Oh great greenpeace has shown up........ Well since theres no more pigs left I guess there's nothing left for them to complain about. Hey emporer just in case they get out of hand ........ would ya mind having your bikers show them screaming ladies what "screaming" really is ...... I have no doubt your men will get the job done and put them back in place if need be.


I am now also getting reports back from my scouts saying that they snuck in pharonic headgear along with horned viking helmets. It appears with the reinforcements they snuck in are training units for a breakout. Will these fictitous units succeed................... or will it be a complete failure. It appears this could be a problem as some of the fans that showed up have little knowledge of the historical accuracy of these units and may rout thinking these are the elite units they have read about in the unit descriptions.

[SeveredSoul]

Things are looking bleak at the moment in the Pitchfork Phalanx camp. With the addition of the British Bikers and the Screaming Women of Greenpeace to the siege forces surrounding the CA headquarters, the food situation is becoming critical.

Also this reporter is still awaiting a responce from the Phalanx High Command about the "The Gray Rush of '04". An elephant stampede that killed a few troops of the Pitchfork Phalanx. The families of the victims ststed that they would like an expaination for the inclusion of elephants in the siege.

It should be pointed out that sources close to the High Command did state, before the "Rush of '04", that the addition of elephant forces in the siege was quote "overkill".

Reporting from the Pitchfork Phalanx siege of CA headquarters, this is Rick Phog.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Attention all members of the Sicilian Pissant Brigade:
Due to requests by our superiors, I have added two new punishment alternatives to filing duty. They are execution by Firing Squad and Execution by Noxius Fumes. Prepare to recieve an increased amount of requests for these two.

The new punishment form is this:


1. Name of Perpatrators:
2. Crime Committed
3: Punishment request (Firing Squad, Gasses or Filing Duty)
4. Name of five relatives incase this is deemed unessisary and punative executions are to be staged.

-Capo

[lonewolf371]

lonewolf371 recently managed to rally the CA employees, in the process managing to discharge a massive stampede of Pokemon from the ground floor of the CA offices. The Pitchfork Phalanx troops were decimated initially by massive fires and lightning blasts, but quickly rounded behind the bikers, who were found to be immune to the effects and pushed the CA forces back into the building.

[The_Emperor]

Following the successful break of the sally by the road warriors... The screaming women of greenpeace began to launch a devastating counterattack with a major leaflet campaign, and some more screaming to increase morale.