New unit : pitchfork phalanx

[SeveredSoul]

It is being reported from inside the CA headquarters that the Developers have been trying to devise some sort of escape plan. Using the latest issues of the Rome:Total War BETA, and their in-house BETA testers, Developers have been working around the clock. Looking for someway to counter this unrully mob gathered outside the Creative Assembly offices.

A statement issued today by the Pitchfork Phalanx stated that the seige that is currently in progress will continue up to, and until either a Demo is released or a solid release date of Rome:Total War is announced. In the Pitchfork camp the mood is tense. Just like most soldiers in the past, the Pitchfork troops say that it's the waiting that is the worst part. In a part of the encampment this reporter witnessed 4 men stabbing a pig with their ever present pitchforks, they then set fire to the pig, laughed, and when it was all over they had ham for supper. When questioned about their actions, the obvious leader of this group responded with

"We're bored! Sick and tired of this waiting and speculation!"

Then with a chilling smile asked me.

"You got a problem with 'dat?"

This journalist beat a hasty retreat. Reporting from inside the Pitchfork Phalanx encampment, this is Rick Phog.

[Oaty]

The assault was finally pulled back after much finagling. The generals and lietenants were at discontent with each other as it needed to be reemphisized the perpose of this siege. The assault today may have put a delay onto the release of the game and this was not the intent. The intent was to lock them down and not allow them to leave depriving them of there freedom forcing them to put full efforts into the game. Now that everthing is under control I have decided to give each of INUYASHA12's heavy infantry 25 lashings for lacking discipline. Also he is being held captive for the time being as there seems to be rumors that he accepted bribes from other software publishers and distributers to egg on assault that could have possibly canned the RTW project.

As far as SEVERED SOUL, I was very dissaponted that he egged on some of my peasants to break discipline to be entertained by squealing pigs. For now I will do nothing and let todays punishment of Inuyasa's troops be an example. And should the food supply start running short, he will be the first to be rationed on rammen noodles and coffee only.

It also appears there is another group forming to join this siege. It is a group of Californians who fight side by side next to there boyfriends. They are calling themselves the Californian Sacred Band. Although they carry no weapons, are still a threat should they enclose in on the enemy. It is believed this group will increase productivity by 50 percent because it is fearedthat should an assault occur they will be the first ones in

[SeveredSoul]

As always I try to be as honest and truthful with my reporting. As such I would like to respond to General Oaty. In my tour of your encampment and your seigeworks I met many troops who were happy to just be there with all of their cohorts. The many Pitchfork soldiers that I spoke with were the nicest of people.

That being said, I must admit that the incident of which I wrote was the ONLY incident that I witnessed. Also I have to admit that I came back and had some delicious ham with those four troopers. They told me of their homes and famlies, and said that they wished that they could be home. But their mission in this siege was far from done and they were determined to see this action to the end.

I admire the troops of the Pitchfork Phalanx and wish them the best, and a satisfactory end to this siege. Reporting from the Pitchfork Phalanx siege of CA Headquarters. This is Rick Phog.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

It has been reported that Brig. Gen Caporegime has arrived with his Italian Pissant Brigade. Armed with Sawed off Shotguns and molotov cocktails they have began laying seige to CA headquarters. It is feared that they may burn down the building before any beta copies of RTW can be seized.

[Oaty]

SeveredSoul nice try but do expect me to believe everything the media says and all of there excuses. Although I have now gotten all the facts from my peasants. I have to forgive you as I was told it was yr camera crew that had instigated the event. But I will say I would'nt be the least bit surprised if you were the one ordering your crew to do this. Anyways keep your crew in under control as if another incedent should come up (and you the culprit) you will be imprisoned for a week with only rammen noodles and coffee.

Well as far as Inuyasha12 I have to release him for now as his undiscplined barbarians are posing a threat of internal struggle in this siege. All further interrigations have been terminated, to allow good order throughtout the ranks. For now guard duties have been doubled and for tactical reasons the heavy infantry barbarians have been split into 2 for protecting the flanks. Also all communications between ranks is forbidden.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

SeveredSoul nice try but do expect me to believe everything the media says and all of there excuses. Although I have now gotten all the facts from my peasants. I have to forgive you as I was told it was yr camera crew that had instigated the event. But I will say I would'nt be the least bit surprised if you were the one ordering your crew to do this. Anyways keep your crew in under control as if another incedent should come up (and you the culprit) you will be imprisoned for a week with only rammen noodles and coffee.

Well as far as Inuyasha12 I have to release him for now as his undiscplined barbarians are posing a threat of internal struggle in this siege. All further interrigations have been terminated, to allow good order throughtout the ranks. For now guard duties have been doubled and for tactical reasons the heavy infantry barbarians have been split into 2 for protecting the flanks. Also all communications between ranks is forbidden.

General Oaty if you think that your orders apply to my troops you are sadly mistaken, however, due to the circumstances I agree with your decision and I shall follow suit. However, if you try to command my troops like they are your own, you shall face a military coup.
(this is fun aint it?)

[DemonArchangel]

General DemonArchangel's army of {LORE} arrive outside CA. They're all dressed up as half-naked screaming barbarians (some with guns)
General Demon fires his anachronistic Desert Eagle into the air to get everyone to shut up. Then he gives a pre-battle speech.

Demon: TOTALWAR FANS! HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THIS ****!? ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO WAIT FOR A DEMO, SICK AND TIRED OF HISTORICALLY INACCURATE UNITS? MAKE YOUR DEMANDS HEARD! TAKE THE CA TEAM HOSTAGE AND FORCE THEM TO PROGRAM TO YOUR WILL!!!

[IrishMike]

Yes bob, I have information that Captain ColdKnight has arrived with a rag-tag bunch of knights from the cold regions. They are well armed with bows and macheties they raided from a local hunting store and some have pistols. It seems that he searching the camp for the location of the Supreme Head Commander for when he should issue the charge on CA special unit..... The Guard of the First Lobby.