I could. But you write a bit like a journalist: clear, but skimpy with details. Not only your battle scenes, but also you 'personal scenes'. I always compare details to flavour: they add spice to a story.Originally Posted by Caporegime1984
The second chapter was better, much better. I still think you need to space the events out a bit more and add more detail, but you are on the right path. Mind you, that is my opinion. Other people might think otherwise.
Anyway, well done. Looking forward to the next part.
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