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  1. #1
    Arrogant Ashigaru Moderator Ludens's Avatar
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    Arrow Re: A civil war tale

    Quote Originally Posted by Caporegime1984
    I did make the begining kind of impersonal at first, but at the banquet you can see (at least I think you can, can you? I am not the best writer) it getting more focused on these two men.
    I could. But you write a bit like a journalist: clear, but skimpy with details. Not only your battle scenes, but also you 'personal scenes'. I always compare details to flavour: they add spice to a story.

    The second chapter was better, much better. I still think you need to space the events out a bit more and add more detail, but you are on the right path. Mind you, that is my opinion. Other people might think otherwise .

    Anyway, well done. Looking forward to the next part.
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    |LGA.3rd|General Clausewitz Member Kaiser of Arabia's Avatar
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    Default Re: A civil war tale

    Chapter three: First Skirmishes.

    The next day, the army began to move north, through Virginia. The march went smoothly for about a week, however, a Yankee Patrol spotted the army. Nine days after the march had begun. The army was still in Virginia, rain storms had slowed them down. They were about twenty miles from the maryland boarder when a Yankee Infantry Brigade opposed Royce's army.

    Royce ordered General Bethune to move his brigade to oppose the enemy. Bethune took up postition on a small ridge to the south-east of the Union position. He was outnumbered by almost a thouand men, but he had the advatage of an easily defended position and artillery support. His men prepard for battle.

    Colonel Greenford's regiment was among the units in Bethune's brigade. Greenford readied his men for the Yankee attack. He drew his saber and began shouting orders at the Captains who then bellowed orders at the leutenants, and so it went on throughout the command chain. Greenford had his men load their rifles, and attach their bayonets to the end. He suspected that the Yanks would charge up the hill and try to beat them in a melee.

    A half an hour later, the Yanks began to move torwards the hill. It was a massive brigade, formed of eight regiment with almost a thousand men each. The Rebel artillery began firing, and smashed holes through the union line. However, the casualties were like drops of water in a bucket to the Union Brigade. By the time they reached the hill, they had been reduced by about nine hundred men, but they still outnumberd the Rebels substansially. They halted when they reached the base of the hill. Many of the troops were covered in mud and dirt, and some had minor wounds from the shrapnel that resulted from the Rebels case shot. Their wounded cried out for help, but no one moved. They were a diciplined, but their commander, a West Point graduate named Veganer, was inexperienced and left his flanks open to Confederate Canister from the extreme left and right flanks of the Confederate army.

    However, that did little to improve the morale of the Southerners. They were outnumbered by at least five thousand men, and they faced an elite, diciplined foe. Colonel Greenford tried to encourage his men by telling them that the yanks were cowards and that in less they'll be scard away by the sounds of their own muskets, but his men still worried. Finally, the yankees began to march up the hill.

    It took them two minutes to get within firing range of the Rebel muskets, and when they did, the Southerners let loose a massive volly that killed almost half of a regiments worth of men. However, there were still more, and the Confederates reloaded. By the time the Northern Brigade had stopped, they were ready to release another volly, and when the Yankee Doodles took aim at the rebels, the south released a volly of minie balls and cannister into the face of their foes which took out a huge amount of yankees. Blood ran down the small hill like a river, and the wounded baked in the midday sun as the Northern and Southern Armies exchanged vollies. Casualties were grievous, on both sides, as brothers fell in combat on this hot July day.

    Colonel Greenford was trying to get his men to hold position, but his brigade was hard hit by volly after volly of Union bullets, which tore through his ranks like butter. Many of his sergants and lieutenats were dead, so it was up to him and a few other surviving officers to try to fill in the ranks with more men. His men fired again, and the opposing brigades Colonel fell, but a Major took command and the brigade held. The battle raged on, and men fell as heros, but many lived. And the survivors fought on, many wounded, to drive the yankees from the hill. A rifle bullet struck Greenford through the hand, but he fought on with his remmington untill he ran out of bullets. He stayed with his men, which were now reduced to less than four companies worth of men. But they fought on, determined to die for their country, for their home. Finally, after three bloody hours of fighting, the Yankee brigade withdrew. Their commander and six of their Colonels did not return to their camp. Nor did almost 5,000 men. The Confederates lost only one colonel, but still took around two thousand casualties. The blood on their tiny ridge was so thick that the grass was scarcly visible.

    Colonel Greenford wept that night, for his men, for himself, and for the stupidity of general Royce.

    Why do you hate Freedom?
    The US is marching backward to the values of Michael Stivic.

  3. #3
    Arrogant Ashigaru Moderator Ludens's Avatar
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    Default Re: A civil war tale

    Good to see you pick up the story again, Capo. But I wonder, did you take your time to reread this story before you posted it? Because it contains a number of obvious typo's, especially at the beginning.

    So the story is going to evolve into a personal war between Royce and Greenford? Well, I look forward to reading that. Good luck with part four.
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    |LGA.3rd|General Clausewitz Member Kaiser of Arabia's Avatar
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    Default Re: A civil war tale

    There are a few, I just noticed that. It's not too bad though. I'll go back and fix tehm later.

    Why do you hate Freedom?
    The US is marching backward to the values of Michael Stivic.

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