Anti-fantasy unit

[A.Saturnus]

I had an idea! Since CA has now implemented quite a number of fantasy units like head-hurlers it might be good to give those who don´t like them a defence against all kinds of fantasy units. Thus an anti-fantasy unit:

Historician nitpicker
The most fervent historical-correctness demanders gathered together in an unit to fight all inaccurate presence on the battlefield. While unarmoured, they carry lots of historical sources with them, what makes them very effective against ahistorical enemies. Flaming pigs and druids simply disappear when attacked. Elephants, while not defeated immediately, are greatly reduced in number.
This force is especially deadly against Egyptians.

Hardy
Long range attack (accuracy outcry)
Entirely useless against historical correct units

[Alexander the Pretty Good]

Librarian

Able to research an opposing unit in under 8.345 seconds, this single-man unit works much like the Historician nitpicker. However, should the Librarian run out of coffee, his morale and effectiveness disappears. Excells against generic or fantasy barbarian units.

Stupid-piercing
Needs coffee
Impetuous

[Steppe Merc]

That's me, a Historician nitpicker. Though I wish we were more powerful agains the (drumroll please)
Annoying N00bs
Having serious spelling and grammer problems, they insult the Historician nitpicker endlessly, often causing them to run away in disgust. However, often they make little if any sense.
-Effective against Historician nitpicker until they run out of idotic reasonings to why history is bad.
-Can't type in any normal language.
-Routs quickly when faced by a determined question.
~:p

[Alexander the Pretty Good]

RTW Naysayers

Dangerous to all (including Annoying N00bs and Historician nitpickers), RTW naysayers proclaim that Rome Total War will be unsalvageably bad in historical accuracy. While at first glance the Naysayer may seem to support the N00b in battle, the Naysayer may go mad, especially at the sight of burning pigs, and begin to stomp all in its path!

May panic
Causes others to negatively anticipate RTW
May be converted to Historician nitpicker (though unlikely)
"Stomping Action"

[Lonewarrior]

Introducing the Farmeaters, They go from one province to another eating all the crops, therefore bringing mayhen and destruction, no army can stand against them, they are unstopable.

[Oaty]

But CA had planned in advance on a counter for this unit and introduced the screaming woman. Apparently these history geeks spend countless hours in the books and when flashed boobies from these screamin woman are stunned just long enough for these fictitious units to destroy these anti-fantasy spellcasters.


And what ya gonna do when your in the gamelobby and run across this ..... WOOT WOOOT I just got RTW, these Egyptians just look so cool I have to try them out WWWOOOOOOOOT WWWOOOOOOOOOOT. Alright who wants a 1 on 1 game with me. The game starts and you have 20 units of anti-fantasy spell catsers and to your surprise you see 20 full units of legionaires barreling down at you.

[Osbot]

I would be an anti-whiner juggernaught of destruction and no mercy. I mock people who take themselves too seriously with my l33t haxx0r skillz. Baiting them into a battle they can never win, namely with teh l33t talk. Grammar wars are the most pointless and weakest way to attack someone online. People who nitpick grammar generally don't have enough intelligence to pick up on something else, and in the act of attacking someones grammar make grammar errors themselves thus they fall into the old black, kettle and all that.

I came to the realization a very long time ago, that because someone uses the now common abreviations or net slang does not make them less intelligent than you are. Moreso the whole speaking clearly ettiquete is total rubbish for wannabe snobs. I've run into people infinitly more intelligent than anyone on these forums that type online like "doot ur so sux lolzerz", meanwhile they are working on a theoretical physics phd at MIT or something else way over my head.

So please, stop living in your glass house mocking people you know absolutely nothing about. This forum is populated by a bunch of people giving each other reach arounds with their "properly done ole chap hohoho, you sure showed them, quite right quite right!". Reminds me of the deep south, you know deliverance and all that. It's unfortunate, I used to actually enjoy reading these forums back in the day, no wonder the place is stagnating, its an old boys club where the "smurtest" guys on the block run off anyone who doesnt conform to their style. The sad thing is, the most intelligent people i've had the pleasure of reading are all on the .com.

So I say, bring on the British Cataphract Woad Camel Raiding Head Hurlers. If CA throws a few more units like that in, this extremely small, overly vocal and hugely whiney crowd might pack up and leave. That'd be a good thing for everyone involved.

OsbotasaurusREX, inserting sigs that make me seem smart for 12 years now.

[King Edward]

Wow. Did Oaty strike a nerve?

Im afraid i have to i have to side with the historical accuracy people here, if your trying to make a SIMULATION of battles in Roman times you have to have the correct units involved or its not a true simulation and therfore it is claming to be somthing its not.

Im not saying these units will make the game bad, they will just take away some of the atmosphere and realisim of the game.

[The_Emperor]

In order to counter the increased threat from the Historical nitpicker CA have retaliated with the Flaming Fanboy Unit!

These childish units are devastating to the anti-fantasy units, proclaiming flaming pigs and other fantasy units to be gospel and any argument against them to be heresy, these fanatical teenagers tire out the historical units in ceaseless flaming and personal attacks until both units fatigue is exausted and they withdraw.

Strong argument.
Can disrupt research.
May Spam without orders.

[spmetla]

----------------------------------
CA Yes Men
These annoying and rather disliked units are specialized in agreeing with any descision made by CA. They tend to be ignored by all but people involved in the marketing of games.

Inferior
Lack of spine makes for silly putty fun!
Bonuses when used with Marketing Think Tankers
Superior hiding in bureacracy
Excellent Morale

-----------------------------------

[Rosacrux]

I loooooove those units! I really do! And for once I got nothing to contribute! Ain't that a treat?

[Barkhorn1x]

I would be an anti-whiner juggernaught of destruction and no mercy. I mock people who take themselves too seriously with my l33t haxx0r skillz. Baiting them into a battle they can never win, namely with teh l33t talk.

What are you trying to say here?? Please speak English.

Barkhorn.

[Steppe Merc]

Moderators (please don't kill me ~:p )
These units strike fear into all units. While some support one camp or another, they attack all units without mercy, including the Historical Nitpickers. However, they are doubley effective against Annoying n00bs and Flaming Fanboys who curse at people without cause.
Armed with Modstick
Strikes fear into all units
Attacks all units

[Sinner]

Significant Other
To some this is the most powerful and feared unit that can be encountered. Capable of destroying time and entire worlds, many leaders know that end of their rule is near when the Significant Other is sighted or heard approaching.

Vicious verbal attack
Seduction ability
Sometimes allied with the equally feared Mother In Law
Merciless

[A.Saturnus]

Moderators (please don't kill me ~:p )
These units strike fear into all units. While some support one camp or another, they attack all units without mercy, including the Historical Nitpickers. However, they are doubley effective against Annoying n00bs and Flaming Fanboys who curse at people without cause.
Armed with Modstick
Strikes fear into all units
Attacks all units

lol, but you forgot the qualities "elite", "very brave" and "godlike"

Please, everyone, this topic is meant as light hearted fun. Please keep it that way.

[Steppe Merc]

Sorry A.Saturnus. I guess I didn't want to state the obvious.

[Sjakihata]

Historian

This is not a battlefield unit, he is operating on a strategic level on the strategy map. His uses are many. For example, if you see a unit that bothers you and you think it is not historical correct, simply drag/drop the Historian upon the intended unit and the Historian will try said unit for historical correctness. If found guilty the fate is cruel, if not the unit will be have morale boost as the Historian praises it.

[frogbeastegg]

RTW addict
This unit played RTW for hour after hour, absorbed totally into the game to the point where he looks up at the clock and says "Blimey! I thought I only played for 30 minutes, not 6 hours!". This unit is a great counter to the Significant Other, as its single-minded gaming drives the Significant Other away with neglect.

Can invoke 'Just One More Turn'
Will play at any possible chance
Sleep deprived
Uses abbreviations while talking about factions and units

Wrong Number Telephone Man
This unit is devastating when pitted against Geisha Frogs. Its special ability is to phone at critical moments in battles and campaigns, forcing the Geisha Frog to put the game on pause and leave. When the Geisha Frog returns after a delightful conversation of "No this is not [insert whatever the Wrong Number Telephone Man wants here], it's a private house!" she will no longer remember what she was doing, leading to chaos, mayhem, confusion and ultimately death. Sometimes a particularly high valour Wrong Number Telephone Man will redial, disturbing the Geisha Frog once again, asking the same stupid question as before. This unit can cause the end of an entire campaign in less than 30 seconds. Fear it.

Dials with eyes shut
Moronic
Has redial ability

[Oaty]

Wow. Did Oaty strike a nerve?

Im afraid i have to i have to side with the historical accuracy people here, if your trying to make a SIMULATION of battles in Roman times you have to have the correct units involved or its not a true simulation and therfore it is claming to be somthing its not.

Im not saying these units will make the game bad, they will just take away some of the atmosphere and realisim of the game.

Was not my intention just cracking a joke and if being called a history geek offends you ...... geeez

Well anyways the # 1 way to protest is to boycott the product

My apologies and if you do'nt want to accept that I bow down to the oh great 1

[The_Emperor]

easy guys... this thread is only light hearted fun.

[Steppe Merc]

Every one just needs a big group hug... here.
In keeping with that topic, there's a new unit. Yes, the dreaded Hippie Hugger!
This unit can be devesating to enemy moral. With waist lenght hair, long robes and or tye dye clothing, this unit goes around hugging and flashing peace signs to all units. Enemies will suffer a huge moral penalty, since after getting hugged they no longer want to fight. However, your own units may end up not wanting to fight either.
Armed with long hair
Can form peace sign
Hugs units
Creates moral penalties to all units

[Voigtkampf]

Comfortably Numb Unit

This unit is a downgrade from the impetuous RTW Expecting Unit; left to wait for the engagement too long, the Historian Nitpickers and Flaming Fanboys can have a devastating effect upon this unit’s moral. It is nearly hundred percent immune to all taunts and objections from either side, will never engage in battle and it is beyond all philosophical debates on any issue concerning R:TW.

Special abilities:

Can say “whatever” over and over again
Can hide in melancholy
Has abandoned all hopes for R:TW
Just wants to get it over with

[Stuie]

Significant Other
To some this is the most powerful and feared unit that can be encountered. Capable of destroying time and entire worlds, many leaders know that end of their rule is near when the Significant Other is sighted or heard approaching.

Vicious verbal attack
Seduction ability
Sometimes allied with the equally feared Mother In Law
Merciless

Definitely the most feared unit yet...