Words Women Use

[ichi]

More stuff from my email inbox

WORDS WOMEN USE

******************************

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.



FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.



NOTHING

This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"



GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )

This is a dare One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing"

and will end with the word "Fine"



GO AHEAD ( Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"

and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.



LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"



SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.





THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.

"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."



GO AHEAD!

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"



THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint! Just say you're welcome.



THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"



ichi

[Sasaki Kojiro]

seen versions before, but this one is much better.

[Procrustes]

Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

I'll never forget the first time I made that mistake with a girl. Spent hours trying to explain that "fine" is not a put-down but was still never forgiven. It's been twenty years or more since then, but I've never made it again. And they wonder why we don't talk more???

[Beirut]

If I may bore you a minute with an old story.

Years back, during a party at my place, a buddy's woman was yaking away about how she felt fat and needed to lose some weight. I chirped in with "c'mon, you're not fat, you're just a desert person."

"What's a desert person?" she asked.

"Well, if you get lost in the desert with a bunch of other people, you'll just last a bit longer."

Oh my, how the silence fell.

Ten years later, I kid you not, when I saw her again, she said "Hi, remember me, I'm the desert person."

Broads remember EVERYTHING. Caution should always be used.

[Teutonic Knight]

If I may bore you a minute with an old story.

Years back, during a party at my place, a buddy's woman was yaking away about how she felt fat and needed to lose some weight. I chirped in with "c'mon, you're not fat, you're just a desert person."

"What's a desert person?" she asked.

"Well, if you get lost in the desert with a bunch of other people, you'll just last a bit longer."

Oh my, how the silence fell.

Ten years later, I kid you not, when I saw her again, she said "Hi, remember me, I'm the desert person."

Broads remember EVERYTHING. Caution should always be used.

ROFLMAO!!!

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Oh my...This reminds me of a story of my own-when I was about five or six, I saw one of my larger aunts. Being an innocent child, I asked her if she was pregnant. She was not. She was also not amused...

[Teutonic Knight]

Once as a young child in the grocery story I inquired very loudly why black people had so much dirt on their faces...




Then there was the time I asked a stranger if he was my dadda....

[frogbeastegg]

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

But if they don't breathe then they will die and suddenly things take a turn for the morbid...

Ok, I admit it, I do this one and I don't like a certain goldfish moving when I just got settled down comfortably.

You can add this one to the list:
Fine (with a small, tight lipped smile)
Oh dear, you just did something really dumb. In this case fine is akin to the words 'charge' or 'fire at will' when encountered in a battlefield context.

So...that's one from the list and one as a bonus, yup, I'm a frog again



Speaking of embarrassing childhood incidents I vividly remember asking at a family gathering if an uncle got his bags packed at a supermarket because he was gormless. I don't know if the stunned silence was because everyone was surprised a little (I was somewhere around 5) froggy like myself knew a big word like 'gormless' or whether it was something else.

[Hetman_Koronny]

Awesome list, thanks ichi I had a good laugh ~:D

FINE..., that caused me so much trouble before I learned not to use the word at all. One time asked the never-innocent - "how do I look?" question. I had to explain for like 30 min that "fine" means at least as much as "gorgeous", "amazing", etc.

On another occasion I was asked, by the same girl, what I thought about one girlfriend of ours, meaning how she looked . Well, I am always carefull when asked such questions, but I was pretty sure my fiancee very much liked how the other girl looked (more than I actually did). So I decided to go for a safe "She looks FINE". Oh my, that had consequences...

[Fragony]

few more:

no > no
maybe > no
yes > maybe
we need > I want
we need to talk > stfu and listen

[Quid]

Just about a week ago I went from shop to shop with my better half to get her a ball dress...(don't do that at home, kids). When finally we had one, that she actually liked she asked how she looked...I replied with 'lovely' ! Not good ! I was accused of not EVER calling her beautiful and I spent the better half of the day (the first part was already spent on shopping) trying to explain that 'lovely' in the English language actually also meant beautiful. Suffice to say, she didn't buy it (she did buy the dress...just not my pathetic reasoning).

A little anectode of when I was about 4 years old (if you're not too bored yet).

I always waited for my mum at her workplace outside her ofice. Then once I saw her boss (elderly, well respected man) come out of the toilets. Spotaneously, I asked him where he had been. He replied with: 'The toilet'. Then I supose I just wanted to make sure and asked if, at all, he had washed his hands after performing the deeds...He just shook his head and walked on to his own office.

Quid