Just for Laughs - the "Time" Magazine "Review"

**Barkhorn1x** · 09-03-2004, 15:09

This is so funny it is sad;

Veni, Vidi, Vici — Virtually
By CHRIS TAYLOR

Monday, Sep. 06, 2004
Armchair generals rejoice — Rome: Total War (Activision, $50) is scheduled to be released later this month for the PC. In this sequel to Shogun: Total War and Medieval: Total War, you play a would-be Caesar, doing the Senate's bidding by commanding dozens of legions in massive, real-time battles. Will you catapult flaming pigs into besieged cities as the Romans did? Or will you flee? Each of your enemies has its own peculiar units, like the Carthaginian elephants or the German barbarians' terrifying Screeching Women. Do well and you just might have enough strength to turn on the Senate and take control of Rome itself. So realistic are the battle graphics that the History Channel is now showing a series of re-enactments, called Decisive Battles, using nothing but the Rome software. Crossing the Rubicon has never been this much fun. --Chris Taylor

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...689472,00.html

Talk about the triumph of marketing over substance! The only details that get mentioned are the crappy ones that we all loath.

The .COM bills this "article" as;
"Rome: Total War features in the latest issue of TIME magazine, one of the most respected magazines in the world."

Perhaps it is - but you would never know that by the content of this "feature".

Barkhorn.

**Ser Clegane** · 09-03-2004, 15:27

Originally Posted by Barkhorn1x

catapult flaming pigs into besieged cities

What the ... ??

Surely a great way to starve out besieged cities...

I'm looking forward to "catapulting" armored elephants into advancing legions - that'll teach 'em

**Tamur** · 09-03-2004, 15:40

Wait, there's another angle we can take on this, I must send it to Time right away...

"Some of the business benefits of Rome: Total War include:

. Leveraging your organisation's competitive stance
. Bringing your best to the table
. Optimising employee decision-making and productivity
. Improving user satisfaction
. Accelerating revenue opportunities
. Reducing service delivery time"

Marketing vomit, gotta love it. (Anyone want to guess where this comes from?)

**Papewaio** · 09-03-2004, 16:03

^ Sounds like a microsoft ad.

**Axeknight** · 09-04-2004, 00:10

I long to see armoured elephants being fired from catapults, and the reaction of the soldiers they hit.

"Look at that, Quintus!"
"What? Arggghhhh!!!!!"
*legionnary flatness ensues*

Originally Posted by Papewaio

^ Sounds like a microsoft ad.

Like microsoft need to advertise.

Microsoft: Buy our stuff, or we'll buy you and your peasant village. Seriously.

**The Witch-King** · 09-04-2004, 00:50

"Will you catapult flaming pigs into besieged cities as the Romans did?"

Seriously, that one had me chuckling for quite a while. I can just imagine the Cathaginian general screaming with his silly accent:

"Iet ies taim to show zese Roman zcum ze power of Carzage! Load ze catapults and fire ze flamink piegs!"

Pigs: "Oink, oink, oink!"

Soldiers: "Ze catapult iz loaded Zjeneral!"

General: " Alright, now fire ze flamink piegs!"

Pigs: "Oink, oink, SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE....!!!!!"

-----------------------------------

*On the wall of the Roman town*

Marcus: "...And then I said "Well, I can show my other gladius too, if ya know what I mean!"

Publius: *chuckles*....Hmmm, what's that? Hey, do you hear that too?"

Marcus: "By Jove, the Carthaginians, they are catapulting flaming pigs at us! Everybody hit the deck!"

Pig: " SQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Publius: "Aaaaaaaaaaaggghhh*SPLATSJ!*

Marcus: "By Hera's boobs, they got Publius!"

**Tamur** · 09-04-2004, 01:51

Originally Posted by Axeknight

Microsoft: Buy our stuff, or we'll buy you and your peasant village. Seriously.

lol! That is so classic.

**Nerouin** · 09-04-2004, 23:08

I can't believe how skeptical and scathing you guys are.

So there are some things about the demo that you don't like. Give it a chance and stop bashing CA.

**Steppe Merc** · 09-04-2004, 23:11

We just want the best game possible. We're not bashing CA, just don't like some (a lot) of their descisions.

**webwing** · 09-05-2004, 00:03

As far as the Time Magazine article goes, CA is right: It will be great for business, period.

Now, regarding the criticism about the game the fact is that before the demo everyone was really excited about it, thinking it would be a fantastic game.

Personally I think the final game will be very good but the demo is VERY disapointing for a veteran player of MTW and STW. Either it was targeted for the newbies or it was rushed.

Still I think this discussions are great cause it gives CA some feedback.
Unlike most I think it is possible to make a game that appeals to both hardcore and casual players.

[]'s