Ways to annoy a telemarketer

[Sasaki Kojiro]

When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm

so glad you asked because no one these days seems to

care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is

acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."



If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask

them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the

company name. Then ask them where it is located.

Continue asking them personal questions or questions

about their company for as long as necessary.



Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!

Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy

a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out

where the hell she could know you from.



If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family

and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can,

"I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"



If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for

bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.



Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask

them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you

can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they

cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't

want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer

will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"



Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.

"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's ya been?"



Tell them to talk V-E-R-Y V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y, because

you want to write down EVERY WORD.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

Funny real newspaper headlines

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

7. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

8. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

9. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

10. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

11. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

12. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

13. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

14. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

15. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

16. War Dims Hope for Peace

17. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

18. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

19. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

20. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

21. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

22. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

23. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

24. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

[son of spam]

15. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Stop talking about my neighborhood grocery store

[Sasaki Kojiro]

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

[Fragony]

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

I would be pretty damn angry if my integrity was tested in such shameless way. How did you react?

[lancelot]

I would be pretty damn angry if my integrity was tested in such shameless way. How did you react?

Well, I would have gone straight past the old man, got the condoms and taught him not to be so damn sneaky!

[Efrem Da King]

ROFLMAO

thats hilarious

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Salesmen: Hello?
Capo: Yeah?
Salesmen: May i please speak to Mr. or Mrs. Piazza?
Capo: Speaking.
Salesmen: Well, I'm selling...
Capo: Wait, your a Salemen too?
Salesmen: Why yes, I'm selling [vacuum cleaners]
Capo: Hey, me too! How's it going?
Salesmen: Well, fine, I've got [23] sales
Capo: Oh, really, I've got [76], calling family and freinds really helps you know.
Salesmen: [76]? You must be joking!
Capo: Well, yes I am, Go {fudge} yourself, you stupid {fudging} prick. Call me again and I'll cut your {berries} off, shove em up your {fudging} arse, I'll {fudgin} burn you alive, you stupid jerk-{on}! {FUDGE} YOU!!!!!!
*Click*


[xxx]= different in every situation
{xxx}= cencorship

-Capo
PS. Shakijo or however you say it, that was {fudging} hilarious!

[Efrem Da King]

WTF!!!


HOW DID I GET A WARNING FOR THAT POST???????????????????????






I've been tip top behaviour!

[wasabi]

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

Haha...I heard this story in Chinese before, very funny. However, there was the different part; instead of the father in law standing at the door, it was his bride to be. She said: I arranged this with my sister, you have passed my test...


haha...some kind of good test if you had condoms in your pocket.