Toaster Intensity Pointless Poll

[Kongamato]

I'm sorry, but my lack of sleep has caused me to forget to add an actual poll here. Arrg, this is embarrassing. Would you all mind just writing down "Gah!" or your opinions here? I'll try not to screw up next time.


As there is no lack of flowers at blossom time, so shall there be numerous and varied opinions on how the toaster shall be set. For my next pointless poll, I'd like to know what kind of toast you prefer. Do you prefer slightly warmed bread which causes your fellow breakfast eaters to question the point of using the toaster at all, or do you prefer the moderate texture of classic, golden-brown perfection, OR do you prefer a charred, black slice of brimstone which, upon first sight, silences everyone in the room except for the occasional Geiger counter?

I prefer toast which has no attributes of the extremes. I don't want soft stuff that tastes like it did when it went in the toaster. I also don't want anything to be charred, even the crusts. Right now, the taste of anything that's burnt evokes the instinctual brain response of "Dude, you ain't supposed to eat this".

To get you in the mood for toast...

Feel the Pwr!

Please vote, and Happy Toasting!

[Adrian II]

As there is no lack of flowers at blossom time, so shall there be numerous and varied opinions on how the toaster shall be set.

A matter of the utmost irrelevance, no doubt. First of all I am very particular about my choice of toaster ever since an Italian designed oval-shaped contraption purporting to be a toaster exploded on me at 6.13 am on a rainy day. It went 'pop!' with unmistakeable Sicilian panache and an entire panel just flew across the kitchen floor. When I took it to a technologically sophisticated neighbour, he shook his head and in clear breach of designer-omerta murmured that he was surprised the thing had ever worked at all. Since that day - hear ye, hear ye - I stick to German toasters only.

Now, to the actual business at hand. For breakfast I prefer two lightly toasted square slices of white bread of a kind Dutchmen call 'casino', well-done in the middle and around the edges (without a trace of blackening though) to the point of being crusty altogether without entirely losing that distinctly sour whiff of freshly-risen dough that one encounters, in its most developed form, in the inimitable French baguette. To be served lightly buttered (creamy, non-salted butter, not margarine) and topped with a thin spread of confiture. Three cups of steaming hot Arabica coffee, a freshly rolled cigarette and some excessively vulgar morning papers as well as the occasional bout of early morning sex are necessary complements to a satisfying breakfast experience.

On an end note I have to compliment you, Kongamato, on what is without any doubt the most pointless poll this board had witnessed so far.

EDIT
Forgetting to include the actual poll makes it even more pointless. We are going from strength to strength here, bravo!

[Ja'chyra]

First of all I would like to add my congratulations to that of Adrian's for this inane piece of pointlessness, truly inspired.

Moving on to the serious, and often ignored, subject of breakfastly perfection, namely toast.

Toast, as we all know, should be a rich golden brown colour with a crispy texture on the outside while still remaining soft on the inside, somewhat like an armidillo. Many a morning I have struggled with the timer setting to achieve this heaven sent level of sensory excellence only to have "She who must be obeyed" ruin it by "Number 2 does everything."

Moving swiftly on, to prevent the recurring nightmares, we come to topping, the topping should not be underestimated and can make or break any breakfast. Ideally it should be Dairylea spreading cheese taken stright from the fridge and left on top of the toaster to facilitate easy spreading. Said Dairylea should, in all instances, be spread so that it completely covers one whole side of the toast and end no more than 2mm from any and all edges.

The only thing missing now is the beverage. The pinnacle of taste sensations is, of course, Hot Chocolate and should, in all occasions, be accompanied with a healthy topping of whisked cream.

So, gentlemen, I present to you the culinary delight that is, toast.

[English assassin]

This is truly the ne plus ultra of pointlessness.

It depends on the purpose you have in mind for the toast. For a peanut butter sandwich, the merest introduction to the toaster is sufficient. For marmite on toast, on the other hand, a good stay in the toaster is required, producing at least a dark brown, with some blackening acceptable.

Don't overlook also the need to recalibrate your toaster for different breakfast time comestibles, for instance I find crumpets require a surprisingly high setting, and hypothesise that they have higher thermal conductivity than bread, this conducting heat into the cold heart of the crumpet. Pitta breads, on the other hand, seem to need no time at all before the steam inside is capable of inflicting third degree burns. Pity tht poor toaster ingenu who puts a pitta in on a crumpet setting.

As for the toaster, It has to be a dualit 4 slot.

[Hosakawa Tito]

You may think it pointless, till you do battle with the wife over the appropriate setting. I like mine golden brown; she likes barely warm (or more like stale bread as I so foolishly commented). Thus we have Toaster Wars. The adjustment dial gets twisted from one extreme to the next, and is never set where the individual using the toaster at the time desires it to be. Leading to much consternation if one forgets to check beforehand. The solution: a 4 slice model with an adjustment dial for each pair of slots. That little baby has restored harmony to the household, and probably saved our marriage. Though I still can't resist, on occasion, turning both dials up to where I like it, just for fun.

[TheSilverKnight]

I like my toast like this: Not blackened, but not white. I like some darkness, not a lot, not so that it's pale, I enjoy a crunchy toast, but not too crunchy, and if it's not crunchy enough, then I go crazy. Mum has a bad habit of changing the dial where I have it preset for my toast...so occasionally, I get a bad piece of toast, and I blame her...well that's pretty much how my toast style is. A model for people to live by