Toaster Intensity Pointless Poll

[Ja'chyra]

First of all I would like to add my congratulations to that of Adrian's for this inane piece of pointlessness, truly inspired.

Moving on to the serious, and often ignored, subject of breakfastly perfection, namely toast.

Toast, as we all know, should be a rich golden brown colour with a crispy texture on the outside while still remaining soft on the inside, somewhat like an armidillo. Many a morning I have struggled with the timer setting to achieve this heaven sent level of sensory excellence only to have "She who must be obeyed" ruin it by "Number 2 does everything."

Moving swiftly on, to prevent the recurring nightmares, we come to topping, the topping should not be underestimated and can make or break any breakfast. Ideally it should be Dairylea spreading cheese taken stright from the fridge and left on top of the toaster to facilitate easy spreading. Said Dairylea should, in all instances, be spread so that it completely covers one whole side of the toast and end no more than 2mm from any and all edges.

The only thing missing now is the beverage. The pinnacle of taste sensations is, of course, Hot Chocolate and should, in all occasions, be accompanied with a healthy topping of whisked cream.

So, gentlemen, I present to you the culinary delight that is, toast.

[English assassin]

This is truly the ne plus ultra of pointlessness.

It depends on the purpose you have in mind for the toast. For a peanut butter sandwich, the merest introduction to the toaster is sufficient. For marmite on toast, on the other hand, a good stay in the toaster is required, producing at least a dark brown, with some blackening acceptable.

Don't overlook also the need to recalibrate your toaster for different breakfast time comestibles, for instance I find crumpets require a surprisingly high setting, and hypothesise that they have higher thermal conductivity than bread, this conducting heat into the cold heart of the crumpet. Pitta breads, on the other hand, seem to need no time at all before the steam inside is capable of inflicting third degree burns. Pity tht poor toaster ingenu who puts a pitta in on a crumpet setting.

As for the toaster, It has to be a dualit 4 slot.

[Hosakawa Tito]

You may think it pointless, till you do battle with the wife over the appropriate setting. I like mine golden brown; she likes barely warm (or more like stale bread as I so foolishly commented). Thus we have Toaster Wars. The adjustment dial gets twisted from one extreme to the next, and is never set where the individual using the toaster at the time desires it to be. Leading to much consternation if one forgets to check beforehand. The solution: a 4 slice model with an adjustment dial for each pair of slots. That little baby has restored harmony to the household, and probably saved our marriage. Though I still can't resist, on occasion, turning both dials up to where I like it, just for fun.

[TheSilverKnight]

I like my toast like this: Not blackened, but not white. I like some darkness, not a lot, not so that it's pale, I enjoy a crunchy toast, but not too crunchy, and if it's not crunchy enough, then I go crazy. Mum has a bad habit of changing the dial where I have it preset for my toast...so occasionally, I get a bad piece of toast, and I blame her...well that's pretty much how my toast style is. A model for people to live by

[Beirut]

Mmmmmm.... toasters.

I grew up in a house with ten people and we had a four-slice restaurant quality toaster hard wired into the wall. It was a thing of beauty.

I like mine on the dark side of golden brown,

[Kongamato]

Excellent replies! I learn more about people from these threads than from reading them bark at each other in the backroom. My house has had probably a half-dozen different toasters over the years. I'd suppose it would get annoying after a while, but it does take care of what to get for mother's day. We usually go for something that can handle long pieces of bread as well as bagels. Having to wedge a burning hot bagel out of a tiny toaster slot is not the way I prefer to get up in the morning, even if it is quite an effective way of getting the blood pumping. This was the worst when we had this silly "automatic" toaster that would raise and lower the bread by itself. It could never be trusted, and without a manual lever, getting bagels out was somewhat of an adventure. However, we had nothing like what happened with AdrianII. I think that Sicilian toaster was meant for somebody else, probably some goomba who forgot about his protection payments.

The family has 4 different preferences, so the dial gets moved a lot also. My mother prefers warm bread(of course), my father likes it slightly blackened, and my older brother burns the #$%* out of his toast, and then proceeds to cover it with a spray bottle of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter". He must spray at least two dozen times on each piece. We started calling the stuff "Spray N' Wash" due to this habit of his. Being a bag-whelp at the nearby grocery store, I knew my grocery products and suggested that he try the cheaper, store-brand stuff called "Is It Butter?". He did not take me up on this.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

I generally go for a reasonably high toaster intensity, so I know that what I'm eating is actually toast, rather than warm, floppy bread. If I wanted that I'd just stick it in the moicrowave, it's achieve the same thing. As for coulour, I like it to be like the title of a Stranglers song.

My current toaster, however, sucks more than you can imagine. Firstly, the automatic pop-up mechanism only works if you're trying to create coke for use in a blast furnace, rather than toast. This means that you have to sit there, squinting down the bread slot, trying to to see if it's done yet.

Secondly, it's not big enough! If I want to toast anything bigger than a teacake, like A SLICE OF BREAD I have to turn it over.

I need a new toaster.

[Adrian II]

I learn more about people from these threads than from reading them bark at each other in the backroom.

I found it amazing that some of our battle-hardened samurai, knights and centurions apparently still live with their moms 'n dads. As for those who regularly find themselves engaged in Toaster Battles, I can only say I must be doing something right since my significant other more often than not makes my toast for me. Maybe it's because little gestures like that bring out the best in me. I prefer to think it's something in my voice, a semblance of respectability that I am appararently able to maintain even while prancing about the house in an advanced state of undress.

My house has had probably a half-dozen different toasters over the years.

Yes, most of them have a tendency to burn themselves out, short-circuit or lose control of their spring mechanism, resulting in fly-by toast or charcoal configurations that would easily make it through the final selection for any postmodern art exposition.

However, this little baby has been designed by Herr Doktor Siemens himself with the intention to last his clientele a lifetime:



It is the Toaster Polti Easy Brunch 2000, according to Herr Doktor a toaster of eleganter Design in dem die viele Zweckdienlichkeiten ein perfektes Gleichgewicht finden. Jawohl!

You will forgive me for not labouring the unspeakable things your older brother does to his morning toast. Suffice it to say that where I live butter does not come in spray cans. People have been hanged for less.